Controversial Takes on the Creation: Rethinking the Genesis Story

Explore the Genesis creation story through the lens of symbolic timelines, ancient mythological influences, and the evolving dialogue on gender roles and the imago Dei. 

It all starts with a void, a formless, dark abyss. Then, a single command — “Let there be light” — kicks off the creation of the universe. In a mere seven days (or was it?), God separates light from darkness and land from sea, populates the animal kingdom and eventually crafts humanity in his image. It’s a tale almost everyone knows, but beneath its simplicity lies a world of debate, alternative interpretations and a bit of controversy.

“Things get even more interesting when you look at the original Hebrew. The word for God here is Elohim, which is a plural noun.

So what gives? ”

The Cosmic Timeline: Literal Days or Epic Metaphor?

While many people believe that Genesis lays out a precise timeframe — six 24-hour days followed by a well-earned divine rest — others argue that this timeline is more symbolic. 

Let’s recall that the Bible isn’t a science textbook. The Old Testament was composed by various authors over many centuries, reflecting a range of perspectives and historical contexts. Many scholars believe that large portions were never intended to be taken literally, but were instead written as symbolic narratives or moral lessons.

The Day-Age Theory

One interpretation, known as the Day-Age Theory, suggests that each “day” represents a long epoch rather than a 24-hour time period. This perspective attempts to reconcile the biblical narrative with scientific understandings of the age of the universe. Advocates of this view point out that the Hebrew word used in Genesis, yom, can refer to different lengths of time, depending on the context.

This discussion enriches the Genesis narrative by allowing for interpretations that align with both ancient cultural contexts and modern scientific perspectives. For example, on the third day, God separated the land from the sea — an event that, according to this view, could have unfolded over millennia.

Other Ancient Myths: Genesis in a Broader Context

The Genesis creation story isn’t a one-of-a-kind tale; it’s more like a remix of the ancient world’s greatest hits. Back in the day, everyone from the Babylonians to the Egyptians had their own origin stories, where gods shaped the world. 

One of the most famous of these is the Babylonian Enuma Elish, a myth dating back to the 2nd millennium BCE.

In both Genesis and the Enuma Elish, creation begins in a world of water and darkness. Genesis opens with “the Spirit of God hovering over the waters” (Genesis 1:2), while the Enuma Elish starts with the mingling of the freshwater god Apsu and the saltwater goddess Tiamat. 

The key difference lies in how order is brought out of this chaos. In the Enuma Elish, creation is the result of a violent divine conflict. The god Marduk slays Tiamat and slices her body in half, using one part to create the heavens and the other to form the earth. In contrast, Genesis depicts an orderly and peaceful process: God speaks, and creation happens. The text emphasizes that the world is brought into being through divine command rather than conflict. 

The Divine Council and the Elohim Mystery

Another similarity lies in the presence of a divine council. In both Genesis and the Enuma Elish, the idea of a higher assembly is present. Genesis hints at this in phrases like, “Let us make man in our image” (Genesis 1:26), which have led some scholars to suggest that the pluralization in the text is alluding to a divine council. In the Enuma Elish, Marduk consults with a council of gods before he takes action. 

Things get even more interesting when you look at the original Hebrew. The word for God here is Elohim, which is a plural noun. So what gives? Is this a slip-up, a relic from polytheistic roots or a majestic way to express the fullness of God? 

Gender Roles and the Imago Dei

Genesis 1:27 famously states, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” This single verse has sparked endless debates about what it means to be made in God’s image and what it implies about gender roles. Is the imago Dei (image of God) about physical form, moral capacity, the ability to rule or something else entirely? And does the verse suggest that men and women were created as equal partners, or is there an embedded hierarchy that reflects traditional patriarchal structures?

Some scholars, like Phyllis Trible, argue that this verse in Genesis 1 speaks to an egalitarian creation — where male and female are equal partners from the outset, challenging the patriarchal interpretations that became more prevalent later in history. In her book God and the Rhetoric of Sexuality, Trible contends that the language used here emphasizes a shared humanity and mutuality between men and women. The simultaneous creation of male and female in God’s image resists any notion of hierarchy, positioning both as equal bearers of divine likeness and true partners.

The Creation Sequence in Genesis 2: Hierarchy or Partnership?

However, interpretations shift when moving to Genesis 2, where the creation of Eve from Adam’s rib introduces what some see as a declaration of male supremacy. In this version, Adam is created first, given the command to name the animals, and then put to sleep so that Eve can be made from his side. For many, this sequence has been used to argue that men hold a leadership role over women, with Eve’s creation from Adam symbolizing her derivative nature.

Bruce Waltke, in his book Genesis: A Commentary, explores how this narrative has been employed regarding gender roles. There are two schools of thought: Those who support a complementarian view argue that the sequence indicates a divinely ordained leadership role for men, while those who support egalitarianism emphasize the unity and mutual dependence expressed in the phrase “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23).

Another angle in this debate revolves around what it means to bear the image of God in relation to rulership. Genesis 1:26 says, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

The plural “them” suggests that both male and female share in this dominion. John H. Walton, in The Lost World of Genesis One, argues that rulership is a key aspect of what it means to be made in God’s image, and that this dominion is intended to be a joint responsibility. The image of God in humanity is primarily functional, emphasizing our role as God’s representatives on Earth, with male and female equally in charge.

As Trible and others have pointed out, the so-called “curse” of patriarchy in Genesis 3, where God tells Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16), is framed as a consequence of the Fall, not a prescriptive mandate for all time. Trible argues that this shift is a distortion of the original egalitarian ideal and that the redemption of humanity should seek to restore the balance intended in the creation narratives.

The demonization of Eve (and, by extension, all women) continues in the telling of the Garden of Eden and the Fall of Man. 

The Creation Story: Timeless, Yet Ever-Evolving

The Genesis creation story may be ancient, but its interpretations continue to evolve. From questions about the cosmic timeline to debates over the roles of men and women, these texts invite us to look deeper, challenging us to explore the intersections between faith, history and science. 

The conversation is far from over — and maybe that’s the point. Genesis opens with the words, “In the beginning,” reminding us that even in our understanding, we’re still at the start of a much larger journey. –Wally

Descriptions of God’s Body in the Bible

From his massive member to a horned head, there are plenty of references to God having a corporal body in the Old Testament. Some shocking findings from “God: An Anatomy.”

Perhaps the most famous depiction of God is this detail of the Creation of Adam, painted by Michelangelo on ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

What does God look like? 

Most people nowadays probably fall into two camps: those who say God is incorporeal, an entity without form — and those who imagine him as Michelangelo painted him, a powerful if elderly man with a flowing white beard and a penchant for long white robes.  

Those who think of God as bodiless haven’t paid enough attention to their Old Testament, though. In fact, the first clue is right there…in the beginning.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). 

That means God is humanlike — or should I say, humans are godlike?

It’s not so strange that God had a body. All his fellow gods did, from his competition in the Middle East to the pantheons of Ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome. 

Add up all the descriptions of God in the Old Testament, and you get a red-skinned, powerfully built older man.

So what does he look like? Take all the Old Testament mentions of God, add them together and here’s what you get, according to Francesca Stavrakopoulou in her 2022 book God: An Anatomy:

A supersized, human-shaped body with male features and shining, ruddy-red skin, tinged with the smell of rainclouds and incense. His broad legs suggest he was accustomed not only to straining, leaping and marching, but sitting and standing resolutely stiff, posing like a ceremonial statue. His biceps bulge. His forearms are hard as iron. There are faint indentations around his big toes, left by thonged sandals. Beneath his toenails there are traces of human blood, as though he has been trampling on broken bodies, while the remnants of fragrant grass around his ankles suggest strolls through a verdant garden. The slightly lighter tone of the skin on his thighs indicates he was most often clothed, at least down to his knees, if not his ankles. Minute fibers of fine fabric — a costly linen and wool mix — indicate that his clothing was similar to the vestments of high-status priests. His penis is long, thick and carefully circumcised; his testicles are heavy with semen. His stomach is swollen with spiced meat, bread, beer and wine. The chambers of his heart are deep and wide. His fingers are stained with an expensive ink, and there are remnants of clay under his fingernails. On his arms are faint scars left from the grazes of giant fish-scales, and the crooks of his elbows, slightly sticky with a salty oil, bear the imprint of swaddling bands, suggesting he has cradled newborn babies. Traces of the tannery fluid used by hide-workers wind in a stripe around his left arm and down to the palm of his hand — a residual substance left by a long leather tefillin strap.

His thick hair is oiled with a sweet-smelling ointment, and shows evidence of careful styling: the hair-shafts suggest it was once separated and curled into thick ropes, while slight marks on the back of his scalp indicate it has been partly pinned beneath some sort of headgear, and his forehead is marked with the faint impression of a tight band of metal. Although his beard reaches beneath his chin, it has been neatly groomed, while his mustache and eyebrows are thick and tidy. The hair on his head and face shimmers — first dark with blue hues, like lapis lazuli, then white and bright, like fresh snow. And one glance, he has the beard of his aged father, the ancient Levantine god El; in another, it is the stylized beard of a youthful warrior, like the deity Baal. His ears are prominent, and their lobes are pierced. His eyes are thickly lined with kohl. His nose is long, its nostrils broad — the scent of burnt animal flesh and fragrant incense lingers inside them. His lips are full and fleshy, his mouth large and wide. It is at once the mouth of a devourer and a lover. His teeth are strong and sharp, his tongue is red hot. His saliva is charged with a blistering heat. The back of his throat is a vast, airy chamber, once humming with life. Below it is an opening of a cavernous gullet. Shadowy scraps of another powerful being, the dusty underworld king, cling to its walls.

The depictions of Yahweh in the Bible are disparate, but some common themes emerge.

Quite a picture, eh? All these details appear in various books of the Old Testament. Here’s a sampling.

God liked to walk in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve … before they dared to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Walking and Talking With God

Later in Genesis, Adam and Eve have eaten of the forbidden fruit and hide from God when they hear him “walking in the garden.”

Enoch, Noah and Abraham go for walks with God as well — as did Moses. Sure, God showed up as a burning bush when they first met, but after that, “the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend” (Exodus 33:11). 

Yahweh first showed himself as a burning bush to Moses, but after a while they became good friends and would often take walks together.

Holy Shit! God’s Ground Rules 

With all that walking, God had to be careful he didn’t step in something unpleasant. 

When the Israelites flee Egypt en route to the Promised Land during the Exodus, God declares, “You shall have a designated area outside the camp to which you shall go; with your utensils you shall have a trowel; when you relieve yourself outside, you shall dig a  hole with it and then cover up your excrement, because Yahweh your God walks in your camp” (Deuteronomy 23:12-14). 

Apparently his omniscience doesn’t extend to knowing how to avoid excrement. It’s heartening to know that God steps in shit just like we do. 

The prophet Ezekiel saw God in a chariot supported by hybrid heavenly creatures.

The Cherubim Chariot 

After the Babylonians destroyed and plundered the Temple, the worshippers of Yahweh surely wondered if their god had also been vanquished. So the book of Ezekiel offers up a scene of Yahweh’s escape. He is seated on his supersized throne, using the Ark of the Covenant as his footstool (!). Cherubim (not the chubby baby angels you’re thinking of but four-winged celestial beings with four faces — that of a man, lion, eagle and cherub) perch upon wheels and bear the throne aloft. 

You didn’t want to be on Yahweh’s bad side; he was prone to violent reactions — including stomping people to death.

God’s Stomping Grounds

But God doesn’t only walk and rest his feet. Sometimes he goes on a murderous rampage. Yahweh marches back from a massacre in the enemy kingdom of Edom: “I trampled down peoples in my anger, I crushed them in my wrath, and I poured out their life blood on the earth,” he tells a sentry in Isaiah 63:6. 

“This is a god who has felt the crunch of bones and skulls under his feet; the warm, wet mulch of human flesh around his ankles; the heart spray of blood on his legs,” Stavrakopoulou writes.

In Isaiah’s vision of God, is that a massive robe filling the Temple — or something more phallic?

God’s Genitals on Display

A couple of prophets even boasted of seeing God’s oversized genitals — and yes, this is all in the Bible. Isaiah, in the middle of the 8th century BCE, entered the inner sanctum of the Jerusalem Temple, where he beheld a surprising sight. 

“My eyes have seen the King, Yahweh of Hosts!” the prophet declares in Isaiah 6:1. “I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, tall and lofty! His lower extremities filled the temple!”

But the Hebrew word he used for “lower extremities” was shul, which actually means “genitals,” Stavrakopoulou informs us. (It’s worth pointing out that many scholars argue that the word actually means the hem of a robe.)

So Isaiah is saying he saw God naked — and, um, let’s just say he was impressed. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised to learn that God’s hung. 

Another prophet, Ezekiel, describes a much stranger encounter: He sees God and focuses on what “looked to be his motnayim” — another Hebrew word for genitals, Stavrakopoulou writes. He looks above and below and sees the rest of the Lord’s body engulfed in flames (Ezekiel 1:27). 

I’m not sure why Ezekiel seems hesitant about if he’s looking at God’s groin or not — perhaps all that fire is blinding him a bit — but heavens knows Isaiah had no doubts about what he was seeing. 

The Ancient Egyptian god Min was usually depicted as having a massive erection.

‘The Imposing Erect Virility’ of the Gods

As shocking as this might seem, depictions and stories of gods having erections were common at the time these Bible books were written. A carving of the Egyptian god Min at Luxor Temple, for example, shows the fertility deity with a massive hard-on as he greets Alexander the Great. 

“In the ancient cultures of southwest Asia [Stavrakopoulou’s non-Western-centric terminology for the Middle East], a sizable penis, and even its occasional overt exhibition, did not render male deities less godly, but appropriately divine. The imposing erect virility of masculine gods was vividly celebrated in these ancient societies and the religious literature they produced,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “[T]he penises of ancient southwest Asian gods embodied a conspicuous and powerful hyper-masculinity deemed essential to the ordering, fruitfulness and well-being of the cosmos and its inhabitants.”

Cain, who killed his brother, Abel, might have been God’s son, not Adam’s!

Cain’s Baby Daddy Isn’t Adam…But God?!

Most of us assume that Adam and Eve had children — but if you look at the Bible, Eve declares that Cain at least was actually the offspring of her and God: “I have procreated with Yahweh!” she shouts in Genesis 4:1. 

“The more literal translation of the Hebrew is rarely seen,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “Most renderings of this verse default to a theologically fudged interpretation, so that Eve is merely presented as claiming that Yahweh has ‘helped’ her to ‘acquire a man,’ as any good fertility god might.”

Yahweh, like the Greek gods, who had sex with many unwilling women, could be prone to lust.

God as a Sexual Predator 

In the book of Hosea, God not only has a body — he actually gets it on with a young woman who’s the personification of Israel. 

“Here, Israel is a capricious teenager whose sexual allure so intoxicates God, he falls to scheming obsessively and possessively to make her his wife,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “‘I will take her walking into the wilderness and speak to her heart … and there she will cry out.’ 

“These words betray more than the romantic fantasy of a love-struck deity,” she continues. “God’s language here marks a shift from passion to threat: In claiming he will ‘seduce’ her, he uses a Hebrew expression more usually employed in the Bible to describe the rape of captive women.”

This idea of God as a sexual predator — or even just a sexual being — has been problematic for centuries, and that’s certainly true with our current sensibilities. 

“Theologically, the sexual grooming and graphic violence God inflicts on his young wife is immensely difficult for some modern-day believers to reconcile with their idealized constructs of God,” Stavrakopoulou says. “But for many Jewish and Christian readers, it is more specifically the graphic portrayal of a sexually actively deity that has proved unbearable: It has been mistranslated, dismissed as ‘mere’ allegory, or simply ignored.”

Foreign books are immensely dependent upon their translations — all the more essential for the Bible, a book so many people take literally. That’s what makes this softening of the original message so alarming. 

“In standard modern translations of the Tanakh [the Hebrew Bible] and the Christian Bible, the graphic sexual imagery of these troubling texts is softened or obscured with sanitized vocabulary and clunky euphemisms,” Stavrakopoulou writes. 

Yahweh knew Moses couldn’t handle seeing him all in his glory — so he offered just a peek of his cheeks.

God Shows Moses His Glorious Backside 

Up on Mount Sinai, Moses asks God to reveal himself: “How shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people?” he asks in Exodus 33:16-18. “Please, show me your Glory.”

But God says that Moses can’t handle his awesomeness — he’ll only allow him to see his backside. It’s the same term used elsewhere in the Bible to describe the buttocks of an animal, according to Stavrakopoulou. 

God adds that no mortal could gaze upon his face and live. “In its narrative context, it is a capricious assertion, for Yahweh and Moses have already enjoyed a number of conversations ‘face to face’ — and Moses has survived,” Stavrakopoulou points out. 

Like other deities of the Middle East, Yahweh’s body is engulfed in a dazzling aura: He is “wrapped in light as with a garment” and “clothed with glory and splendor.” 

It’s all too easy to think of these descriptions as hyperbolic — but they’re meant to be taken literally, Stavrakopoulou asserts. 

Whether they were literal or beams of light, Moses came back from a convo with God bearing horns.

The Glory of God Makes Moses Horny

“In Exodus, however, God’s luminescent backside clearly gives off something more powerful than a wondrous afterglow. When Moses finally descends from the Holy Mountain, clutching the Ten Commandments, his own face is startlingly transformed,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “But quite how is a matter of some debate, for the ancient Semitic root of the Hebrew term used to describe this transformation probably means ‘horn,’ but is also associated with light. The earliest translations of this peculiar story indicate that, from at least the 3rd century BCE, Moses was understood to have developed horn-like rays of light, so that his face beamed with a divine radiance. Other ancient scholars would assume Moses’ face literally grew horns — a symbol of the divine elsewhere in the Bible — giving rise to startling medieval images of Moses as a double-horned being. Either way, Moses undergoes a bodily transformation so profound that the Israelites cannot look him in the face and are afraid to go near him. Moses’ visual encounter with God has left its mark on him, rendering him more divine than human.”

Poor Moses never entered the Promised Land — but was it God who took the care to bury him?

God the Gravedigger

Moses seems to have been the Old Testament character with the most face time with God. And that lasted right up until the moment of his death. The poor guy — being a favorite of Yahweh doesn’t get you much. Moses dramatically led the exodus of escaped Israelite slaves out of Egypt, delivered the Ten Commandments and wandered the desert for 40 years. Finally, the time has come to enter the Promised Land. But, in a shocking twist, God shows Moses the beautiful sight of their hard-earned payoff — and then tells him to literally drop dead: “Moses, the servant of Yahweh, died there in the land of Moab, at Yahweh’s command. And he buried him in the valley in the land of Moab” (Deuteronomy 34:5-6). 

“In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses’ gravedigger is God himself,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “Appalled by the idea that God could contaminate himself with the impurity of a corpse — even the corpse of so holy a man as Moses — some Jewish and Christian translators corrected what they perceived to be an error in the text: ‘he buried him’ simply became ‘he was buried’ or ‘they buried him,’ leaving generations of readers to assume that mourning Israelites or weeping angels had performed Moses’ mortuary rites, rather than God himself.”

Baal, one of Yahweh’s biggest rivals in the ancient Middle East

God Gets Horny

It’s an image that wouldn’t sit well with most modern Christians or Jews — especially given its connections to the Devil and demons — but one of the earliest descriptions of God describes him as having horns. “God, who brought [Israel] out of Egypt, has horns like a wild ox!” the prophet Balaam declares in Numbers 23:22. 

“In the Western imagination, a horned being tends to conjure images of the diabolical, and the grotesque. From the man-eating bull-headed Minotaur of Greek myth to the cloven-hooved goat-faced Devil of Christianity, horns have long served as a hallmark of horror,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “But in the world of the very ancient gods, horns were the most prestigious and alluring manifestations of divinity, and most deities would be equipped with them.”

Horns were a sign of power, designating that the gods who sported them “were beings of bullish virility and ferocious strength,” Stavrakopoulou explains. 

There’s a horrific description of a fiery God — right before he gobbles up a roasted king of Assyria.

The Nose Knows: God’s Wrath and a Kingly BBQ

“The God of the Bible was particularly proud of his nose,” Stavrakopoulou tells us. “In his lengthy monologue on Mount Sinai, he reels off a list of his best qualities, not only describing himself as merciful, gracious and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, but ‘long-nosed,’ too.” 

This is a way of saying he has deep nostrils, she says — meaning slower breathing, and by extension, being patient and slow to anger. 

But once that temper raged, you didn’t want to be anywhere near him. 

In the book of Isaiah, a seer spies Yahweh in the distance, his nose ablaze, “his lips full of fury, his tongue a devouring fire; his breath an overflowing stream, reaching up to the neck!” (Isaiah 30:27-28). 

What’s God up to? Oh, just sacrificing an Assyrian king upon a pyre and feasting on his charred corpse.

The ancient Levantine deity El

The Ancient Almighty: God’s Golden Years 

Our current image of God as a powerful older man comes from a portrayal in Daniel 7:9-10 from the 2nd century BCE. As Stavrakopoulou states, “God himself remains a picture of perpetual purity: Enthroned, in fiery splendor, and surrounded by thousands of divine courtiers, he is called ‘an Ancient of Days,’ dressed in robes ‘white as snow,’ with hair ‘like a lamb’s wool.’”

Again, this iconography is borrowed from neighboring deities, including El, whom Stavrakopoulou describes as Yahweh’s father — before Yahweh was retrofitted as the sole true god. El’s (and Yahweh’s) gray hair and beard were seen as signs of immortality and wisdom. 

Unseen and Unsculpted: The Theological Dance Around God’s Corporality

When thinking about this article, I realized something that shocked me: While I’ve seen a few paintings of God — Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel depiction of God (looking suspiciously like Zeus) reaching out to Adam springs to mind — I couldn’t think of a single sculpture of him.

Part of this is due to the fact that the mentions of God as having a body in the Bible make many Christians uncomfortable. They want the only depiction of God as corporeal to be that of Jesus. 

“Those troublesome verses in the scriptures attesting to God’s body would be smoothed, smothered or superseded by new interpretive frameworks and some fancy philosophical footwork,” Stavrakopoulou writes. “A favorite tactic employed by early Christian theologians was simply to reduce all biblical references to God’s body to the symbolic.” 

Even further back than that, after the Jerusalem Temple had been rebuilt in the 5th century BCE, Yahweh’s worshippers understood all too well the vulnerability and lack of transcendence of a corporeal god. 

It was around this time one of the Ten Commandments became “You shall not make for yourself a carved image.”

Once a vividly described giant, God lost his body. 

Are there few statues of God because one of the Ten Commandments forbids “carved images”?

And therein lies the main controversy around God: An Anatomy. The book has ignited a theological firestorm, dragging Yahweh off his lofty pedestal and into the gritty, grimy realm of human physicality. Some scholars are applauding Stavrakopoulou’s daring approach, while others are reaching for the nearest exorcism manual.

Biblical scholar Joel Edmund Anderson isn’t holding back. On his blog, Resurrecting Orthodoxy, he accuses Stavrakopoulou of having a “tin ear to the literary artistry and nuance of the biblical texts,” arguing that her interpretations are overly literal and lack proper contextual grounding. 

So, even though many Christians believe everything in the Bible to be literal, they prefer to skip over references to God’s form — it’s all too close to those pagan deities. Team Symbolic has won out; no one really talks too much about God’s body nowadays. It seems that the divine anatomy lesson is one lecture most would rather miss. –Wally

Where the Heck Did the Easter Bunny Come From?

Hopping through the history of the Easter Bunny, from pagan rituals to modern-day celebrations. Along the way, we’ll make some egg-citing discoveries about his birth as a fertility symbol and the origin of dyed eggs and Easter baskets.

Who knew the Easter Bunny evolved from the animal companion of a pagan goddess?

I once sponsored a child in India. His name was Papu Magi, and I regularly wrote him letters, sharing U.S. customs. When Easter rolled around, I explained how a giant human-sized bunny sneaks into our homes at night and leaves baskets filled with candy and colored eggs.

It wasn’t until I had written it out that I realized how bizarre some of our holiday traditions truly are. This got me thinking: How did we come up with the Easter Bunny?

“It makes you wonder if most Christians realize the holiday dedicated to the resurrection of their savior is actually named for a pagan goddess.”

Young women dance around a phallic maypole to increase their fertility — another pagan spring tradition.

A Pagan Origin: How the Easter Bunny and Dyed Eggs Became Symbols of Spring Celebrations

The origins of the Easter Bunny, as well as dyed eggs, can be traced back to ancient pagan rituals that celebrated the arrival of spring, including Ostara. Still practiced as a Wiccan holiday, Ostara is a celebration of the spring equinox. It’s named after the Germanic goddess Eostre, who some scholars deduce was associated with the dawn, fertility and new beginnings. (It makes you wonder if most Christians realize the holiday dedicated to the resurrection of their savior is actually named for a pagan deity).

Caveat: Hard evidence about Eostre is lacking, and the goddess remains shrouded in mystery. Much of what’s reported on her is conjecture.

Her first mention comes from a famous monk, the Venerable Bede, in 731 CE, who wrote that the Anglo-Saxons called April Eosturmonath, or Eostre Month, in honor a pagan goddess worshiped at that time.

Easter gets its name from Eostre, a pagan goddess of the spring.

These rites of spring were full of festive merrymaking, including dancing around maypoles, drinking mead and worshiping rabbits.

Yup, that’s right: Bunnies were a key figure in these celebrations. In pagan traditions, the rabbit was seen as a symbol of fertility and new life — no real surprise, given their well-deserved reputation for rapid reproduction.

During these springtime celebrations, people would decorate eggs, believing them to have the power to bring new life and prosperity to those who ate them. Using natural dyes made from flowers and other plants, they created eggs in a variety of hues. And, as crazy as it might sound, rabbits were said to be responsible for laying colored eggs.

Do Jesus and the Easter Bunny belong in the same holiday?

Hopping Into Easter: The Christian Origins of the Easter Bunny and Its Symbolism of Resurrection

The Easter Bunny may have its roots in pagan traditions, but it also had a significant place in Christian beliefs. The early Christians in Europe adopted many pagan customs and blended them with their own religious practices, which is how the Easter Bunny eventually found its way into the Christian tradition.

Much as with Christmas, some Christians bemoan the commercialization of the Easter holiday.

I’m not sure that many Christians today connect the commercial aspects of Easter with the religious ones (there’s a parallel to Santa and Christmas), but back in the day, early Christians associated the rabbit, and all of its spring rebirth symbolism, with Jesus’ resurrection.

It seems that Karen Swallow Prior, a professor of Christianity and culture at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, agrees. “There’s nothing wrong with dressing up in pastels, hiding eggs or consuming large amounts of chocolate,” she wrote in an op-ed in The Washington Post. “But if the fluffy white bunny takes precedence over the crucified and resurrected Lord, we’ve missed the point.”

Easter baskets came about from a pagan tradition to carry offerings to the goddess of spring.

The History of Easter Baskets: From Pagan Offerings to Sweet Treats

Easter baskets are a staple of the holiday, but how did they become a part of the Easter tradition? It turns out that the origin of the Easter basket is also closely tied to the pagan celebrations of spring.

In pagan traditions, baskets were used to carry offerings to the goddess of spring, including eggs, thought to increase fertility. Over time, the baskets became a symbol of the bounty of spring and were filled with all sorts of goodies, like flowers, fruit and vegetables.

Well, no wonder the Easter Bunny decided to switch to baskets!

As the Easter basket evolved, so did its contents. Today, they’re most often filled with candy (including a chocolate rabbit, which kids will disturbingly bite its ears off of) and other treats, filled by the Easter Bunny himself during a nocturnal visit — again, another connection to Santa Claus. 

It’s hard to tell exactly when the Easter Bunny became adult-sized and anthropomorphic, but it seems like it might have happened around the 1950s.

Hare Today, Easter Bunny Tomorrow: Tracing the Evolution of the Beloved Easter Mascot

The Easter Bunny has been a beloved symbol of the holiday for centuries, but have you ever wondered how it evolved into the oversized, anthropomorphic creature we know today? 

He didn’t start out that way. The hare, a smaller relative of the rabbit, was revered by ancient cultures for its speed, agility and ability to reproduce, and was often associated with the moon and the goddess of fertility. A study from 2020 draws a direct connection between Eostre and her association with the hare.

Bunnies and colored eggs have long been symbols of spring, representing new life.

As the hare became associated with pagan spring celebrations, it eventually evolved into the Easter Bunny we know today. This transformation was likely influenced by the German tradition of the Osterhase, a hare who laid eggs for children on Easter morning.

Jacob Grimm, one of the famous Brothers Grimm who collected oral folklore throughout Germany, said in 1835 that the Easter hare was associated with Eostre, or Ostara, as she would have been called in ancient German.

At some point, the Easter Bunny grew in size and children were told he visits their homes at night (much like Santa) to leave them candy-filled Easter baskets.

Vintage cards from the late 1800s to early 1900s show a lot of rabbits, but it seems like it wasn’t until the 1950s or so that the Easter Bunny became more and more human-like. Perhaps families or malls started having someone dress up like the Easter Bunny for photo opportunities. And despite the fact that the Easter Bunny became bipedal and reached 6 feet or so (not counting the ears), most kids believe he can’t actually talk. 

Then again, it might have come down to marketing as a gimmick to help sell candy. “The Easter Bunny was created out of whole cloth by the confectionary industry,” claims David Emery, who writes for the fact-check site Snopes.

In another connection to Christmas, it has become a tradition to terrorize children by making them sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap for a photo.

Today, the Easter Bunny is a staple of the holiday, sometimes depicted wearing clothes — most often a vest and bowtie — and carrying baskets of eggs and treats.

To quote the M&M’s commercial, a fave of mine as a kid in the ’80s: “Thanks, Easter Bunny! Bawk! Bawk!” –Wally

Agave Mythology and Pulque Folk Tales

Mesomaerican legends, including Mayahuel and Ehécatl’s doomed love, drunk Tlacuache the possum and 400 rabbits suckled on pulque.

Mesoamerican myths are pretty crazy. Take the fertility goddess Mayahuel, who lactated pulque, which intoxicated the 400 rabbits she gave birth to.

Aside from being a source of sustenance, the agave, or maguey as it’s referred to in Mexico, was revered and respected as a sacred plant by the ancient peoples of Mesoamerica. 

The desert succulent is distinguished by a rosette of strong fleshy leaves that radiate from the center of the plant. Fibers from its tough spiny leaves were used to make rope or fabric for clothing, and the barbed tips made excellent sewing needles. Devotees and priests would pierce their earlobes, tongues or genitals with the thorns and collect the blood as an offering to the gods. An antiseptic poultice of maguey sap and salt was used in traditional medicine and applied to wounds. The plant is also the source of pulque, a beverage made from its fermented sap, and many years later, distilled as mezcal and tequila. 

Agave being used to treat a head wound

As a final act, the maguey poetically blooms in the final throes of its life cycle. A mutant asparagus-like stalk emerges from the center of the plant, reaching 25 to 40 feet high before it flowers and dies. 

Drink of the Gods

In Aztec times, the milky and sour mildly alcoholic beverage was highly prized and strictly limited to consumption by a select few, including priests, pregnant women, the elderly and tributes offered up for ritual sacrifice. The priests believed that the resulting intoxication put them in an altered state and allowed them to communicate directly with the gods. The consequences of illegally imbibing outside of this group were so serious that the convicted faced death by strangulation. 

So what are the myths and folklore stories about agave and pulque? As with myths around the world, there are multiple variations, and while researching stories about agave I found myself falling down a rabbit hole. I couldn’t quite decide what the definitive versions were, so here are my interpretations.

The gorgeous (personally we don’t see it) Mayahuel was rescued from her evil grandmother, then torn apart and fed to demons, before eventually becoming the first agave.

The Legend of Mayahuel, Whose Lovely Bones Became the First Agave

When the universe as we know it was formed, so too was a ferocious and bloodthirsty race of light-devouring demons known as tzitzimime. It was said that life ebbed from their fleshless female forms. They were easily recognizable by their shiny black hair, skeletal limbs ending in clawed hands, and blood red tongues resembling a sacrificial knife wagging from their gaping maws. Their wide-open starry eyes allowed them to see through the darkness. 

The tzitzimime were ferocious demons who sucked light and life from this world.

These monstrous beings ruled over the night sky and wore gruesome necklaces loaded with severed human hands and hearts — trophies from the steady diet of human sacrifices required to appease them. 

The tzitzimime cloaked the earth in darkness, and in return for ritual bloodshed, permitted the sun to rise and move across the sky. It’s a fair guess to say that a large number of lives were lost, as the Aztecs believed that if darkness won, the sun would be lost forever, the world would end, and the tzitzimime would descend from the skies and gobble up humankind. 

The tzitzimime demons were insatiable for sacrifices of human blood.

Hidden in the sky among the tzitzimime was a beautiful young maiden by the name of Mayahuel. Mayahuel was imprisoned by her grandmother, Tzitzímitl, the oldest and most malevolent demoness of the brood.

Tzitzímitl’s insatiable desire for human sacrifice angered Ehécatl, the god of wind and rain. 

One evening he rose up into the night sky to confront her, but instead discovered Mayahuel. Struck by her beauty, he immediately fell in love and convinced her to descend from the heavens to become his paramour. 

Ehécatl, god of wind and rain, tried his best to save poor Mayahuel from Tzitzimitl.

When Tzitzímitl discovered that Mayahuel was missing, she exploded into a violent rage and commanded her demon servants to find her granddaughter. The pair assumed the form of trees and stood side by side so that their leaves would caress one another whenever the wind blew.

Time passed, but their disguise was no match for the furious Tzitzímitl. The sky turned gray with clouds that heralded a major storm, followed by lightning and thunder. When the evil spirit finally found Mayahuel, she tore her from the ground and fed her to her legions of tzitzimime. 

The skeletal demoness Tzitzímitl with her necklace of severed human hearts and hands

Ehécatl was unharmed. He avenged Mayahuel’s death by killing Tzitzímitl and returned light to the world. Still overcome with grief, he gathered the bones of his beloved and buried them in a field. As his tears saturated the arid soil, Mayahuel’s remains transformed and emerged from the earth as the first agave. After getting a taste of the elixir that came from the plant, Ehécatl decided to share his creation with humankind. 

For some reason, the possum god Tlacuache was responsible for creating the course of rivers. They’re curvy because he got drunk on pulque.

The Tale of Tlacuache: Why a River Runs Its Course

Another Mesoamerican tale connects pulque with the creation of rivers. According to the story, Tlacuache, a possum god, was responsible for assigning the course of rivers. While going about his day foraging for food, he happened upon an agave. Using his human-like hands, he dug into one of its leathery leaves. A sweet honeyed sap oozed from the cuts, and Tlacuache stuck his snout into the maguey and lapped up the liquid with glee. 

After having his fill, he returned to his den and dreamt of returning to the plant the next day. Tlacuache had a remarkable talent for finding food and remembering exactly where it was found. What he didn’t know, though, is that the nectar had fermented overnight and now contained alcohol. The marsupial accidentally overindulged and became intoxicated. Finding himself disoriented, he stumbled and wandered this way and that, until he eventually found his way home. 

Over time, Tlacuache’s circuitous meandering was reflected in his work. Any river in Mexico that bends or doesn’t follow a straight line was due to Tlacuache drinking pulque and plotting the river’s course while he was tipsy. In fact, some say he was the very first drunk.

Suck on this: The fertility goddess Mayahuel didn’t have milk in her breasts — she had pulque.

Pulque Breast Milk and being drunk as 400 Rabbits

Last but not least is the fantastical story of the mythical 400 drunken rabbits whose behavior even Beatrix Potter would have found excessive. 

In Aztec mythology, Patecatl was the Lord of 13 Days and the credited discoverer of the squat psychedelic peyote cactus. One evening, he and Mayahuel, who in this story is a fertility goddess, had a no-strings-attached tryst, resulting in an unusual pregnancy. Months later, the proud mother bore a litter of 400 fluffy little bunnies. 

Naturally, being the goddess of the agave, Mayahuel’s multiple breasts lactated pulque, which she used to nourish her children. It’s safe to say that her divine offspring didn’t understand the concept of moderation and were frequently found in various states of inebriation. 

Mayahuel had a one-night stand with the Lord of 13 Days — and ended up having a litter of 400 rabbits!

The 400 rabbits each depict a different stage of inebriation.

The siblings were known as the Centzon Totochtin and represented the varying degrees of intoxication one can attain while under the influence of alcohol. One of the children, Ometochtli (Two Rabbit), a god who represented duality, was associated with that initial burst of courage that comes after a couple of drinks. Conversations feel more important, and everyone around you becomes more attractive. His brother Macuiltochtli (Five Rabbit) was one of the gods of excess — the equivalent of having too much of a good thing, and waking up the next day with a pounding headache. 

Ometochtli, or Two Rabbit, was the god of the courage you get after a couple of drinks — and the start of beer-goggling.

This fellow is going to regret being like Macuiltochtli, or Five Rabbit, and drinking to excess. He’s gonna be hungover tomorrow.

If you’re drunk as 400 rabbits, you’re beyond wasted.

For the Aztecs, the concept of infinity started at 400. A couple of drinks is OK; consuming your body weight in booze not so much. Moral of the story: If you drink more than you can handle, whether you’re a small animal or otherwise, you’ll be carried away by a colony of 400 rabbits. –Duke

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Learn How Mezcal Gets Made

Another drink made from the agave, mezcal is much more artisanal than tequila, with numerous factors influencing the taste of each batch — and that’s what makes it so interesting.

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Ancient Gods of the Old Testament

Who is Baal? What about Asherah, Dagon, Marduk, Moloch and the other pagan gods of the Bible? And was human sacrifice part of their worship?

Some of these ancient gods, including Molech, who had a built-in baby-burning furnace, are accused of inciting human sacrifice.

My parents were never very religious. But that didn’t stop them from sending me to bible camp in the summer. (It was tons of fun — though we all dreaded the inevitable one-on-one with our counselor, when he’d ask if we had let Jesus into heart. Every year we replied that we thought Jesus was in there but we couldn’t be absolutely sure).

I also went to Catholic school for four years. So, even though I was obsessed with the ancient gods of Greece and Rome, I couldn’t help being influenced by the Bible’s condemnation of the Canaanite deities in the Old Testament. If you asked me about Baal when I was a kid, I’d have told you he was an evil god who was second only to Satan himself.

“The god El could very well have been the original conception of the Hebrew God.

It’s right there in the “el” in the name Israel, which is usually translated as “He Who Struggles With God.””

Imagine my surprise years later, when I learned more about the gods that were so maligned in the Bible. They weren’t always the bloodthirsty incarnations of evil they were depicted as. They were simply the deities worshipped by the kingdoms surrounding Israel and Judah. Baal, for instance, was essentially just another Middle Eastern god of fertility. The Old Testament writers disparaged them because they were rivals to their extremely jealous god, Yahweh. (In fact, when God came up with 10 Commandments for his people to follow, he topped the list with, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”)

Here are the major ancient deities of the Levant, and how they’re depicted in the Bible.

Adrammelech

Aka: Adramelech, Adar-malik

Meaning of the name: Majestic King

Domain: The sun, a counterpart to Anammelech, the goddess of the moon

Biblical reference: 2 Kings 17:31: The people of the Assyrian city of Sepharvaim were said to burn their children as sacrifices to the god.

Description: This handsome devil has the face of a mule and the plumage of a peacock. He’s also depicted as having a lion’s body with wings and the bearded head of a man.

Strange story: According to Collin de Plancy, author of the Dictionnaire Infernal, Adrammelech is in charge of Satan’s wardrobe.

Asherah

Aka: Athirat, Ashratu

Meaning of the name: Happy or Upright

Domain: There’s a lot of confusion around this deity. She could be the mother of the gods. In some incarnations, she was a goddess of sexuality or of the mountains. She also could be tied to the sea or the sun.

She might not even be a goddess; asherah seems to refer to cult objects — specifically the consecrated poles used in worship at the time.

Numerous statuettes like this one are tied to the goddess Asherah.

Biblical reference: 1 Kings 18:19: The goddess’ 400 prophets eat at Jezebel’s table, along with the prophets of Baal.

2 Kings 23:4-7: Josiah had “all the articles” made for Asherah and Baal burned, and the “idolatrous priests” were done away with. The Asherah pole was also set on fire and its ashes spread over the graves of the common people. And the quarters where women did weaving for the goddess were torn down.

Description: Often depicted as a stylized tree

Strange story: She’s connected with Yahweh as a consort — meaning that before the Jews were monotheistic, their God had a wife!

Ashtoreth 

Aka: Atar-gatis; connected to Ishtar and Astarte

Meaning of the name: Star

Domain: The moon; supreme goddess of Canaan and female counterpart to Baal

Biblical reference: 1 Samuel 12:10: One of many references to people declaring they will no longer worship the Baals and the Ashtoreths. The use of the plural could indicate that these names were used to speak generally about so-called pagan deities.

The goddess in her Atar-gatis guise has legs as well as a long fish tail.

Description: As Atar-gatis, she was a woman with the tail of a fish.

Strange story: As an earlier incarnation, Ishtar, the goddess was worshipped through prostitution. And she eventually morphed into a male demon, Astaroth, a great duke of Hell.

Baal

Aka: Ba’al, Baal of Peor, Baal-Berith, Baal-Zebub

Meaning of the name: Lord

Domain: Fertility, as well as the sun and storms; supreme god of Canaan and Phoenicia

Biblical reference: The Old Testament is lousy with references to Baal. He gave the Golden Calf a run for its money. Some choice selections: 

2 Kings 10:18-28: The Israelite King Jehu tricked all the servants and priests of Baal to come to the temple for a great sacrifice, where he had his soldiers massacre every last one of them. To add insult to injury, Jehu then made the house of Baal a public latrine. 

Jeremiah 19:5: Baal’s worshippers are said to burn their sons alive as a sacrifice to appease the deity. 

1 Kings 18:28: The priests of Baal worked themselves into a frenzy and cut themselves with swords and lances.

You can see how depictions of Baal might have helped influence Christians’ concept of the Devil (aka Beelzebub).

Description: Baal is basically a minotaur — a powerfully built man with the fearsome head of a bull. He’s sometimes shown as a man wearing a toilet-plunger-looking hat  over his luxurious curls and holding a lightning bolt in his upraised hand.

Strange story: Baal’s worship included public ritual prostitution between one of his priests and a local woman.

The demon Beelzebub, whom Jesus links to Satan in the Book of Matthew, is a modification of one of Baal’s names.

Chemosh

Aka: Asthor-Chemosh

Meaning of the name: Uncertain; perhaps Destroyer or Fish God

Domain: War, mountains; primary god of the Moabites

Biblical reference: 1 Kings 11:7: Despite being held up as a paragon of virtue, King Solomon actually built a sanctuary to Chemosh — thought of as a move to please his Moabite wife.

2 Kings 3:27: The king of Moab sacrificed his firstborn son and heir to Chemosh on the city wall — and the strategy worked. The Israelites scurried away in defeat.

Description: An old man with a full beard, wearing a bulbous cap and sometimes brandishing a sword

Strange story: There’s rare archeological evidence that calls out Chemosh by name: the Moabite Stone, or Mesha Stele, discovered in 1868 at Dibon. It bears an inscription commemorating the circa 860 BCE endeavors of King Mesha to overthrow the Israelite dominion of Moab. 

Dagon

Meaning of the name: Grain

Domain: Fertility, agriculture, war, death and the afterlife; chief god of the Philistines

Biblical reference: 1 Samuel 5: The Philistines captured the Ark of the Covenant and put it in the temple of Dagon. In the morning, the statue had fallen over, face-down, in front of the ark. The next morning, the same thing had happened, and the statue’s head and hands had broken off. The worshippers of Dagon were justifiably freaked out, so they moved the ark from town to town — but everywhere it resided, the people developed tumors. Eventually, the Philistines returned the cursed ark to Israel.

The statue of Dagon kept falling down in front of the stolen Ark of the Covenant.

Description: A merman — half man, half fish, or a bearded man wearing a sort of giant fish cloak, with the open mouth pointing skyward

Strange story: The concept of Dagan’s appearance is fishy, though — some sources think it’s a misrepresentation of the deity.

El

Meaning of the name: God

Domain: Father of the gods

Biblical reference: Genesis 14:18–20: Abraham accepts the blessing of El.

Description: An old man, often with wings; sometimes depicted as a bull

Strange story: In the Bible, El is the supreme god of the Canaanites, yet is identified with Yahweh. In fact, he could very well have been the original conception of the Hebrew God. It’s right there in the “el” in the name Israel, which is usually translated as “He Who Struggles With God.”

If El was the prototype of Yahweh, it explains the connection between his wife, Asherah, and the Hebrew God.

Hadad 

Aka: Ramman; often conflated with Baal

Meaning of the name: Thunder

Domain: Storms, fertility

Biblical reference: It’s believed that some of the mentions of lower-case baals (gods) in the Old Testament refer to Hadad — though he also gets jumbled up with numerous other deities of the region. 

One theory, which I imagine to be controversial, states that Psalm 29 was actually about Hadad and not Yahweh, waxing poetic about the voice of God striking with flashes of lightning, shaking the desert, twisting oaks and the like.

Description: Another bearded man wielding a lightning bolt

Strange story: Like the Egyptian deity Osiris, Hadad is murdered by a fellow god, and the world goes barren before he is resurrected.

Marduk

Aka: Bel (which means Lord)

Meaning of the name: Bull Calf

Domain: Justice, compassion, healing, magic; sometimes also a storm and agriculture deity; patron god of Babylon

Biblical reference: Jeremiah 50:2: A rallying cry about the fall of Babylon, where Bel is put to shame, and Marduk is dismayed

Description: A man with a curly beard wearing a robe covered with circular devices. He’s got a pet/servant dragon.

Marduk, god of justice, defeats Tiamat, the goddess of chaos.

Strange story: Marduk killed the goddess of chaos, Tiamat (often shown as a griffin-like creature), with an arrow that split her in two. From her eyes, the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers began to flow, and from her corpse, Marduk formed the heavens and earth. 

Moloch 

Aka: Molech, Molekh, Mo’lech, Moloc

Meaning of the name: King

Domain: Not sure — maybe the underworld; does sacrificing babies count?

Biblical reference: Leviticus 20:2-5: Yahweh demands that the Israelites stone to death any man who “gives his seed” to Moloch, who loved a good child sacrifice.

Description: A calf or an ox; a man with the head of a bull with arms outstretched, its body a furnace to roast infants

Strange story: There’s no real archaeological evidence of a god named Moloch. This most likely wasn’t the name he was known by among his worshipers but rather a Hebrew transliteration. Some scholars think Moloch was actually the same god as Baal.

Nisroch

Aka: Nisrok

Meaning of the name: Possibly relating to a plank of wood, specifically from Noah’s Ark, which Sennacherib, the king of Assyria, worshipped as an idol

Domain: Agriculture

Biblical reference: 2 Kings 19:36-37: Sennacherib was worshipping in the temple to Nisroch, when two of his sons came in and smote the heck outta him with their swords.

King Sennacherib’s sons flee the temple of Nisroch after killing their father.

Description: A muscular man with the head and wings of an eagle (though this is thought by some scholars to originally have been a depiction of a jinni), sometimes shown watering a sacred tree

Strange story: There’s some debate as to whether Nisroch is actually a deity or if it’s a scribal error for the god Nimrod. In later folklore, Nisroch became a demon who’s the chief cook in Hell.

Tammuz

Aka: Dumuzi

Meaning of the name: The Flawless Youth, the Good Young One

Domain: Fertility, shepherds (helping keep newborn animals from being defective)

Biblical reference: Ezekiel 8.14-15: A being of fire (even its loins were aflame) shows the prophet Ezekiel pagan atrocities. At the entrance to the Temple in Jerusalem, Ezekiel sees women weeping for the death of Tammuz, much to his horror. The fire being, though, assures him he’ll see much worse abominations, which is hardly surprising.

Description: A total hottie

Strange story: Tammuz was killed by his lover, Inanna, the goddess of sexuality, because she felt he didn’t mourn her enough when she was lost in the Underworld. Don’t worry: In a foreshadowing of Christ (and in the tradition of Adonis and Osiris), Tammuz was resurrected. –Wally

King Josiah and the Formation of Jewish Law

Revised stories of the patriarchs proved powerful propaganda, and Deuteronomy presented the moral code of early Judaism — with a surprising amount of human rights. 

The penultimate king of Judah, Josiah is held up as the best of the best. We have him to thank for the Judaism practiced today.

King Josiah receives more superlatives of awesomeness than any other figure in the Old Testament. And with heavy hitters like Moses, David and Joshua, that’s saying something. 

“Before him there was no king like him, who turned to the Lord with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; nor did any like him arise after him,” gushes 2 Kings 23:25.

Not too bad for a kid who was crowned in 639 BCE at the tender age of 8, after his father, Amon, was assassinated in a coup, having reigned only a year.

King Josiah oversees a ritual sacrifice in this illustration from an Egyptian manuscript.

Of course, it turns that the early books of the Old Testament were written in the 7th century BCE, when Josiah ruled the kingdom of Judah. The writings were planned specifically to bolster his vision of a unified Israel, where everyone abandoned all other deities to worship only YHWH (aka Yahweh, or God), according to Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman in The Bible Unearthed: Archaeology’s New Vision of Ancient Israel and the Origin of Its Sacred Texts. 

The book of Law that King Josiah discovered in the Temple was, most likely, the original book of Deuteronomy. We’re not sure why this prompted him to tear his robe, though.

Finding the Book of Law

In the 18th year of Josiah’s reign, 622 BCE, the king commanded his high priest to renovate the Temple. During the work, a new book of Law turned up. 

“That book, identified by most scholars as an original form of the book of Deuteronomy, sparked a revolution in ritual and a complete reformation of Israelite identity,” Finkelstein and Silberman explain. “This was the formative moment in the crystallization of the biblical tradition as we now know it.”

King Josiah has the idols of Baal destroyed (and the priests killed) in this illustration by Gustave Doré.

According to Josiah and other hardcore monotheists, there was a lot of work to be done (and undone). 

The new book of Law “suddenly and shockingly revealed that the traditional practice of the cult of YHWH in Judah had been wrong,” the authors continue. 

Pagan practices were taking place even within the confines of the Temple itself. Josiah had all the iconography of Baal removed, along with anything used to worship the sun, moon and stars, and had it all burned. He also broke down the houses of the male cult prostitutes (!!!). 

That was just the beginning. Josiah marched northward, smashing stone altars to other gods and killing their priests. 

The frontispiece to the book of Deuteronomy in the Nuremberg Bible

A Revolution in Human Rights

The new Law wasn’t all just destruction and death, though.

Josiah made Passover an official holy day, which linked him with Moses, who was involved in the holiday’s gruesome origin. 

More than this, “Deuteronomy calls for the protection of the individual, for the defense of what we would call today human rights and human dignity,” write Finkelstein and Silberman. “Its laws offer an unprecedented concern for the weak and helpless.” 

For example, Deuteronomy 15:7-8 states, “If there is among you a poor man … you shall open your hand to him, and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be.” Imagine if that were still in practice today.

Joseph’s awful brothers sold him into slavery. He was born too soon — thanks to the book of Deuteronomy, his servitude would only have lasted six years.

In addition, Josiah’s law gave inheritance rights to wives, instructed farmers to give tithes to the poor every third year, protected resident aliens from discrimination and freed slaves after six years of servitude. 

The Death of King Josiah by Francesco Conti, who lived 1681-1760

Josiah’s Lasting Legacy

Was Josiah successful in his campaign of religious centralization? Perhaps not on as broad a scale as he would have liked. Evidence suggests that he “failed to stop the veneration of graven images, since figurines of a standing woman supporting her breast with her hands (generally identified with the goddess Asherah) have been found in abundance within private dwelling compounds at all major late-seventh century sites in Judah,” explain Finkelstein and Silberman. 

One god just wasn’t enough for the ancient Judahites — many a household had figurines of the goddess Asherah like this one.

In 610 BCE, the new pharaoh, Necho II, launched a military expedition, allying with Egypt’s old foes the Assyrians to battle an even greater threat: the Babylonian Empire.

No one is quite sure why Josiah joined the fray against Egypt. Whatever the reason, it was a decision that led to his death. 2 Kings 23:29 glosses over the loss of the greatest king of Judah as if the writer were embarrassed: “In his days Pharaoh Necho king of Egypt went up to the king of Assyria to the river Euphrates. King Josiah went to meet him; and Pharaoh Necho slew him at Megiddo, when he saw him.”

Pharaoh Necho II, who killed King Josiah. The Old Testament glosses over this event, as if the writers were embarrassed and wanted to downplay it.

“In his days Pharaoh Necho king of Egypt went up to the king of Assyria to the river Euphrates. King Josiah went to meet him; and Pharaoh Necho slew him at Megiddo, when he saw him.” (2 Kings 23:29)

“One thing is clear. The Deuteronomistic historian, who saw Josiah as a divinely anointed messiah destined to redeem Judah and lead it to glory was clearly at a loss to explain how such a historical catastrophe could occur and left only a curt, enigmatic reference to Josiah’s death,” write Finkelstein and Silberman. “Decades of spiritual revival and visionary hopes seemingly collapsed overnight. Josiah was dead and the people of Israel were again enslaved by Egypt.”

By 597 BCE, all the cities of Judah had been crushed under the Babylonian assault, culminating with the defeat of Jerusalem, which was burned to the ground. The Babylonian ruler, Nebuchadnezzar, looted the Temple and deported all but the poorest inhabitants of Judah. 

The Babylonians, led by King Nebuchadnezzar, defeated Judah, enslaved its people and burned Jerusalem to the ground.

Judah’s last king, Zedekiah, was captured. He had to watch the Babylonians slaughter his sons before he was blinded.

Zedekiah, the last king of Judah, didn’t fare so well. Tragedy of Zedekiah by Charles Monnet, 1750

Nebuchadnezzar had Zedekiah blinded — only after the king of Judah had watched his sons get slaughtered.

Nevertheless, there was a power in Josiah’s movement. His revisionist history and rallying cry have become parts of the most popular book on the planet. And the laws of Deuteronomy found within “served as the foundation for a universal social code and system of community values that endure — even today,” write Finkelstein and Silberman. –Wally 

Ancient Egyptian Words You Should Know

Do you know your ba from your ka? What’s a vizier? How about a cartouche? Our handy glossary of Ancient Egyptian terms will have you speaking like a pharaoh in no time.

How many Ancient Egyptian terms can you spot in this image?

The terms we use to describe the religion, history and artifacts of Ancient Egypt are a strange mishmash of words that have French, Greek, English, Arabic — and yes, sometimes even Egyptian — origins.

Talk Like an Egyptian 

As you read more about the fascinating and complex world of Ancient Egypt, it helps to familiarize yourself with the terms that come up the most often. It’s probably a good idea to bookmark this page for easy reference — especially if you’re considering a visit. 🤗 

ankh: The hieroglyphic symbol for life, similar to a cross but with a loop in place of the upper arm. It was especially popular in jewellery and on temple carvings, where it was held in the hands of deities or being given by them to the pharaoh, to represent their power to sustain life and to revive human souls in the afterlife.

atef: The atef crown was made up of the White Crown of Upper Egypt with red ostrich feathers on either side. It was worn by the god of the underworld, Osiris.

ba: The ba is, essentially, the concept of the soul. Depicted as a bird with a human head, it could leave a person’s tomb to fly about. 

barque: These thin boats that curve up at either end were the transports of the gods, especially during festival processions. In temple sanctuaries, models of barques held statues of a deity. When a pharaoh died, a barque would transport them on their way to becoming a god.

Book of the Dead: This is the modern name ascribed to a collection of 200 hymns, rituals and spells that allowed the deceased to travel safely through the underworld and enter the afterlife. Ancient Egyptians knew it as the Spells for Going Forth by Day.

canopic jars: Four containers used to store the preserved internal organs of the deceased (the lungs, stomach, liver and intestines) extracted during the mummification process. Each jar was topped with the head of one of the god Horus’ sons.

cartouche: The oval frame that surrounds the name of a king, queen or god in inscriptions.

Coffin Texts: Collected during the First Intermediate Period, around 2134-2040 BCE, these 1,185 incantations and other forms of religious writing were inscribed on coffins to help the deceased navigate the afterlife, providing maps of the underworld and the best way to avoid dangers on one’s way to paradise.

deshret (or Red Crown): The crown, with a square base that curved upward into a point and had a coil spiraling out in front, was worn by the rulers of Lower Egypt.

djed: A representation of the spine, it symbolized stability. A djed amulet was often placed in coffins, where the backbone of the deceased would lay, to ensure eternal life. During a Sed festival, the pharaoh, with the help of priests, would raise a djed column. 

Duat: The underworld, home of the gods Osiris, Anubis and Ma’at, as well as many grotesque monsters. The sun deity Ra travels through the Duat every night, where he battles the serpent Apep, or Apophis. This is where a deceased person’s soul travels for judgment. 

Eye of Horus (aka udjat eye or wedjat eye): A falcon’s eye that acts as a protective talisman and symbolizes rebirth after death. Its origins lie in a myth where the evil god Set plucks out one of his nephew Horus’ eyes. 

faience: A powdered quartz paste that ranges in color from turquoise to teal. Modeled and sometimes fired, it was commonly used for jewelry, pottery and sculptures.

hedjet (or White Crown): The crown of Upper Egypt, it’s often irreverently (but accurately) described as looking like a bowling pin.

hieroglyphs: Think of them as the emojis of their day. Often mistakenly called hieroglyphics, they make up the system of pictorial writing used in Ancient Egypt. Though they sometimes represented the actual objects they depicted, hieroglyphs usually stood for particular sounds. 

Horus name: Beginning in the Predynastic Period, pharaohs would take on an additional name, cementing their relationship with the falcon-headed god Horus. The pharaoh oversaw their entire country and, like the bird of prey, could strike at enemies below. 

hypostyle hall: The reception area of a temple. Originally, most would have had a roof over rows of densely packed columns with capitals depicting palms, papyri or lotuses to represent the lush island of creation.

ka: The best way to describe this is as a soul — it’s someone’s other self, what makes them unique. It’s with a person throughout their life, but upon death the ka and the body become separate. The body has to be preserved, and the ka nourished, or it will starve and cease to exist. It’s represented as a human with upraised arms — or just the arms raised at a 90-degree angle. 

khepresh (or Blue Crown): Often worn by pharaohs when going into war, the khepresh was a blue headpiece with a uraeus on the brow.

kohl: Black powder made from galena ore (the chief source of lead) mixed with oil and used as an eyeliner by women and men.

Lower Egypt: The Ancient Egyptian worldview was upside-down compared to ours. Lower Egypt was the northern half of Egypt, so called because the Nile flows north before entering the Mediterranean Sea. Its capital was Memphis.

ma’at (aka maat): The principle of balance and cosmic order, personified by a goddess of the same name. It was a pharaoh’s duty to rule according to ma’at.

mammisi: A birth house, where a woman would go to deliver a child and recover for two weeks or so. These chapels were often situated in front of a temple and were said to be where a god had been born.

mastaba: A type of tomb first created in the Old Kingdom. From the Arabic word for “bench,” they were rectangular and flat-roofed, with a substructure belowground. As time went on, architects stacked stories atop them, leading to step pyramids and, eventually, the triangular pyramids like those at Giza.

nemes: A striped head covering worn by pharoahs. It covered the brow and skull, hung down on the side to rest on the shoulders, and was drawn together in the back in a sort of ponytail. King Tut was a fan. 

Opening of the Mouth: A ceremony held at the tomb, where the mouth of a mummy was symbolically opened so the dead could use their senses in the afterlife.

Opet: A festival held during the inundation, or flooding of the Nile. The statue of the chief god Amun would travel upon a barque from his sanctuary at Karnak to Luxor Temple.

papyrus: The writing surface used by Egyptian scribes. Derived from the pith of the stalks of papyrus, which grew along the banks of the Nile, the plant was also used to make boats, sandals, baskets and rope. 

pectoral: An elaborate necklace that covered much of the chest.

pharaoh: The supreme ruler of Ancient Egypt. He or she (there are a few times when a woman took the throne, like the remarkable Hatshepsut) was considered a god.

pschent (or the Double Crown): A combination of the deshret and hedjet crowns, it showed that the pharaoh controlled both Lower and Upper Egypt.

pylon: A massive gateway leading into a temple. Some held rooms, like the one for the harem at Medinet Habu.

Pyramid Texts: The earliest religious texts of Ancient Egypt. These spells, religious beliefs and myths were inscribed on the walls of Fifth and Sixth Dynasty pyramids (2465-2150 BCE). They were used to magically transform the deceased into the god of the afterlife, Osiris. Composed of 2,217 spells grouped into 714 “utterances,” they gave way to the Coffin Texts.

rekhyt: A stylized lapwing bird with wings spread and human arms raised in adoration, representing the general populace or the pharaoh's subjects. When depicted on the walls of ancient temples, it signified that the public was allowed in that area. 

sarcophagus: A large stone container that held a mummy's coffin. Its name comes from the Greek sarkophagos, meaning “flesh-eater.”

Sed: A festival of rejuvenation that renewed the powers of a pharaoh, it was usually — but not always — held in their 30th year of rule.

senet: A game played in Ancient Egypt. No one knows the rules, but they think it was a bit like chess. Pieces were usually fashioned from animal bone or clay. 

shabti (also shawabti or ushabti): A small mummy statuette of a servant placed in tombs that could be magically brought to life to perform tasks for the deceased in the afterlife.

sistrum: A sacred rattle made of a wood, metal or clay frame set loosely with crossbars strung with small metal discs. It was shaken during ritual dances for the goddess Hathor and later Isis.

sphinx: A mythological beast with the body of a lion that usually had the head of a pharaoh or god. The famous one sits outside Cairo at Giza. 

stele (also stela): An upright slab of stone that served as a monument, inscribed with religious or historical text.

Upper Egypt: The southern half of the kingdom of Ancient Egypt. It’s called Upper Egypt because the Nile River flows northward, from Upper to Lower Egypt. Its capital was Thebes.

uraeus: A rearing cobra in a threatening pose that represented divine authority, worn as a crown or head ornament by Ancient Egyptian divinities and rulers. It showed that the pharaoh had the protection of the goddess Wadjet, the patroness of Lower Egypt.

vizier: The second in command after the pharaoh. The role held many responsibilities, including administration of the government, security, judgement and the safety of the empire.

was scepter: A staff that’s often forked at the bottom and topped with the head of a creature, possibly the Bennu bird, a mythological heron who wears the atef crown. Carried by gods and pharaohs, the was scepter stood for power and dominion. –Wally

The Legend of Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter

A magical sword with the power to change fate is given to the warrior king Le Loi by a golden turtle who lives deep beneath the waters of  Hoan Kiem Lake. 

Legend has it that beneath the waters of Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter, a turtle god guards a magic sword.

Hoan Kiem Lake, the tranquil body of water located within Hanoi’s Old Quarter, plays an important role in Vietnamese mythology. While there are several variations of the tale, all include the central figure of Le Loi, a great warrior defending Vietnam from the Ming Dynasty of China, as well as a fisherman, a deified golden turtle and Thuan Thein, a powerful weapon bequeathed to Le Loi by a Dragon King.

“Imbued with magic, the sword enlarged Le Loi to giant size and gave him the strength of 1,000 men, bringing one victory after another, until he was able to vanquish the invading Chinese army. ”

Emperor Le Loi holds his magic sword, which could transform him into a giant, while Kim Qui, the golden turtle god, looks on.

Le Loi and Le Than: The Warrior and the Fisherman

Le Loi was a real person who lived in the 1400s. A revolutionary who became emperor, he began a dynasty that would last 360 years. 

According to the nation’s founding myth, the Vietnamese people are the offspring of a sea dragon and a mountain fairy. With such fantastical creatures running around, perhaps it’s not surprising that a local god, Long Vuong, called the Dragon King, happened to possess a magical sword.

The legend of Le Loi as depicted on a Vietnamese stamp

The weapon was divided into two parts: the blade and its handle. The blade was discovered in Than Hóa Province by a fisherman named Le Than. Believing he had caught a big fish, he was bewildered to find a long thin piece of metal entangled in his net. He tossed it back into the water and recast his net in a different location. He was puzzled to have the same thing happen again. When the sword ended up in his net for a third time, he accepted his fate and decided to take it home with him. 

Meanwhile, the young general Le Loi set out to assemble an army. While recruiting from the surrounding villages, he paid a visit to the province of Than Hóa, happening to stop at the fisherman’s home. Though the interior was dimly lit, the blade unexpectedly emitted a shimmering glow in Le Loi’s presence. Le Than sold the blade to Le Loi, which was inscribed with the words “Thuan Thein” (According to Heaven’s Will).

There was only one problem — there wasn’t a safe way to grasp it. 

Sometime later, while fleeing the Ming army, Le Loi climbed a banyan tree to conceal himself, and it was there that he discovered the sword’s hilt. The two pieces fit together perfectly. Problem solved.

Imbued with magic, Thuan Thein enlarged Le Loi to giant size and gave him the strength of 1,000 men. The sword brought Le Loi one victory after another, until he was able to vanquish the invading Chinese army. 

With echos of the Le Loi legend, King Arthur returned his magic sword, Excalibur, to the Lady of the Lake.

The Lake of the Restored Sword

Like the legend of Excalibur, the magical weapon wielded by King Arthur, Thuan Thein had to be returned to its watery source. After the war, Le Loi rowed out onto Luc Thuy, Green Water Lake, in Hanoi’s Old Quarter, and was met by the golden turtle god Kim Qui. In a human voice, it asked Le Loi to return the sword to its divine owner, lest it corrupt him. The noble emperor drew the sword and cast it into the lake. With great speed, Kim Qui caught the sword in its mouth and retreated to the bottom of the lake, never to be seen again. 

A relief from Trấn Quốc Pagoda, on an island in Hoan Kiem Lake, features the turtle deity with the magic sword strapped on its back.

To commemorate this extraordinary event, Le Loi renamed the lake Hoan Kiem, Lake of the Restored Sword.

Turtle Tower, or Thap Ruá, sits in the middle of Hoan Kiem on a small island, built to honor the tale of the Restored Lake and its guardian, Kim Qui.

A stone structure now rises from a small islet in the lake. Known as Thap Ruá, or Turtle Tower, it was built to honor Kim Qui, the magical aquatic guardian of the sword. –Duke

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VISIT the Temple of the Jade Mountain in Hoan Kiem Lake in the Hanoi Old Quarter

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Monster Theory: A Q&A With Liz Gloyn

Beware! Medusa, the Sphinx, Cerberus and other monsters reveal the greatest fears of a society. 

Saint Martha Taming the Tarasque, circa 1500

There’s young Wally, curled up on the loveseat in the living room (the one his mother constantly tells him not to sit on), with D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths or the D&D Monster Manual. 

The original Monster Manual used to play Dungeons & Dragons

From an early age, I’ve always loved monsters. Of course I imagined myself as a hero, and that often entailed slaying monsters — usually with magic. But I always found something sympathetic about monsters. To me, they often seemed misunderstood and maligned. Yes, the Minotaur devoured innocent youths. But did he ask to be born a vicious half-breed, trapped in the Labyrinth? 

The monsters of myth continue to have a mass appeal, as evidenced by the vampire craze (think True Blood, Twilight, Interview With the Vampire and The Vampire Diaries). 

As my friend Heather’s little boy, Gulliver, explained to me about the Batman villain Two-Face, “He’s a likable baddie.” He paused, then continued, “He’s a baddie — but he’s a goodie to me.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. 

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While scrolling though episodes of The History of Ancient Greece podcast, I was intrigued to see one that had an interview with Liz Gloyn, senior lecturer in Classics at Royal Holloway at the University of London and author of Tracking Classical Monsters in Popular Culture. Upon listening, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why didn’t my college offer courses on monster theory?!

Liz Gloyn, author of Tracking Classical Monsters in Popular Culture

I reached out to Dr. Gloyn, and she graciously agreed to answer some questions about monster theory and her obsession with things that go bump in the night. –Wally

What drew you to monsters in the first place?

To be perfectly honest, I got cross! I had come up with an idea about how the original Clash of the Titans film used monsters and wanted to read what people had said on this subject, but when I went to look at the existing literature, there was nothing there. I could have read all I wanted to on the representation of the famous Greek heroes — Perseus, Theseus, Hercules and the rest — but monsters got treated as if they were scenery. That didn’t make any sense to me, so after I had finished with the piece I wanted to write about Clash of the Titans, I decided it was time for the monsters to get some proper attention of their own. 

The Italian movie poster for the original Clash of the Titans, which came out in 1981

“It’s noticeable how many monsters turn out to be women — or, if they’re male, they’re hypersexualized and hyperviolent, reflecting what happens without the controlling influence of civilization. ”

— Liz Gloyn, University of London

What is monster theory?

Monster theory is the field of academic studies which seeks to explain and understand the function of monsters. It’s based on a very influential piece by a medievalist, Jeffrey Jerome Cohen, who set out seven theses of monster culture, or seven ways in which monsters manifest and make themselves known. 

Few could dream up creepy creatures like Hieronymus Bosch, who painted up horrorscapes in the late 1400s and early 1500s

Monster theory argues that monsters are cultural creations — that is, the particular fears and concerns of a given culture will generate monsters which reflect those fears and concerns. They might be about the “other,” whether you define that in terms of gender, sexuality, ethnicity or something else; they might be about behavioral taboos which need to be observed to keep society safe. And however hard a culture tries to banish a monster, it always comes back. 

How has the perception of monsters changed over the years?

In the ancient world, monsters were very much known by how they looked — you could spot a monster a mile off, although it was also possible to bump into one by accident if you were wandering around the forest not paying attention. 

What we’ve seen since antiquity is a move away from a monstrous outside necessitating a monstrous inside. The break begins with Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, where the Creature is initially an innocent and only becomes monstrous when people treat him badly because of his appearance. 

The frontispiece to an 1831 edition of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

What we’re seeing in the 21st century is a major anxiety over not being able to spot a monster on sight — we fear things like the serial killer, the faceless evil government corporation and the imperceptible virus carrying a gruesome disease. That’s what makes the presence of classical monsters in popular culture even more interesting — they’re still immediately recognizable, and so out of step with more modern kinds of monstrosity, yet still have considerable appeal.

What’s the most surprising finding from your research on monsters?

I think what I’ve been most surprised by is the sheer range of modern interpretations of classical monsters out there. When people know you’re working on this stuff, they pass on every example that they come across, and some of the things that have been shared with me are really amazing: tattoos, bar signs, graffiti, as well as places you might expect to find them like computer games, films and books. 

Dr. Gloyn didn’t know Wally has a Medusa tattoo — though she’d hardly be surprised

I’ve been particularly interested to find how popular Medusa tattoos are. As a monster that can turn people to stone with a glance, she’s not the most obvious thing to have permanently inked on your arm, but she’s clearly been a very important choice for a lot of people. 

Head of Medusa by Peter Paul Rubens and Frans Snyders, circa 1618. Not too many people know that Medusa was a rape victim punished by being transformed into a monster

What monster has been most maligned in your opinion?

Historically, it does have to be Medusa — her origin myth as told to us by Ovid in his poem The Metamorphoses is pretty explicit that the transformation happens after Poseidon has raped her, specifically as a punishment from Athena.

When you hear Medusa’s story, you can’t help but feel some sympathy for her and be pleased that she’s such a badass, even after death

Ovid’s version has been the most read and most influential in post-classical cultures, but until recently Medusa’s rape was translated away as “seduction” or a similar euphemism. Thankfully, as Latin literature has been opened up to a wider audience and stopped being the province of elite white men, we’re starting to see more versions of the story which grapple with Medusa’s identity as a survivor of sexual violence, so that aspect of the myth is beginning to get the coverage it should have.

Centaurs were wild creatures hardly more civilized than the wild beasts attacking them in this mosaic

What does monster theory tell us about how women are perceived? Men? Any other groups?

Monster theory argues that monsters come into existence in order to help society articulate fears and concerns about people not belonging to the dominant group — so, given the social structures of patriarchy, it has quite a lot to say about how society monsters women! Particularly in Greek myth, it’s noticeable just how many monsters turn out to be women — or, if they’re male, like centaurs, they’re hypersexualized and hyperviolent, reflecting what happens without the controlling influence of civilization. 

The Rape of Hippodamia by Peter Paul Rubens, 1638. Drunken centaurs tried to carry off the bride at her wedding feast

What looking at monsters that map on to different groups of people really tells us is what kind of threat they are supposed to hold. We see this, for instance, in the demonization of sexually active women in figures like the Sirens, or the way that villains in Hollywood are so often queer-coded, even in films made this century. 

Every society and every time period will react to these threats differently, so while there are some patterns we can spot which repeat, each monster reflects back the particular concerns of the society that generated it.  

The Victorious Sphinx by Gustave Moreau, 1886. You had only one chance to get the riddle of the Sphinx right

What’s your favorite monster, and why?

I have a soft spot for Medusa, as you may already have noticed, but I’m going to say the Sphinx.

Oedipus and the Sphinx by Gustave Moreau, 1864. The wandering hero solves the riddle, so upsetting the Sphinx, she kills herself

Before Oedipus shows up and solves her riddle, she has been patiently sitting on the road to Thebes, saying her piece to every passing traveller and then, when they don’t listen to her properly and instead try to mansplain her riddle to her, eating them. I admit that this might be a slightly free interpretation of the myth, but it does strike me that Oedipus solves the riddle because he’s the first person to actually pay attention to what the Sphinx is saying, as opposed to all her previous victims who just thought that they’d understood her. 

Hercules and Cerberus by Peter Paul Rubens, 1637. Bad doggie! The three-headed pooch Cerberus guards the gates of Hell, but is caught by Hercules as one of his tasks

What monster would you least like to encounter?

Cerberus. I’m just not a dog person, let alone a three-headed dog person. 

Lesser-Known Egyptian Gods

Nut, Geb, Bes and Ptah, oh my! A who’s who of Egyptian deities.

Even if you’re familiar with the stars of the Ancient Egyptian pantheon like Osiris and Re, you probably don’t know some of their colorful cohorts. Meet the less well-known but still batshit crazy gods and goddesses who sport the head of a lion, crocodile, dung beetle and other creatures.

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RELATED: The Major Egyptian Gods

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Aten

Aka: Aton

Domain: The sun

Description: The sun with a uraeus (the sacred asp) at its base, with rays of light that each end in outstretched hands, some of which hold ankhs when shining upon anyone in the royal family.

Strange story: Historians believe that Pharaoh Akhenaten’s decree to abandon the old gods and worship only the Aten is the first instance of monotheism — and could very well have influenced the Jewish religion.

Bes

Aka: Aha

Domain: Protector of children and pregnant women

Description: A dwarf with a large head featuring bulging eyes, a protruding tongue, a beard and a lion’s mane. Sometimes depicted with a large belly and sagging breasts

Consort: Beset 

Strange story: Pilgrims would spend the night in incubation chambers covered with images of Bes and Beset to cure themselves of infertility or impotence.

Geb

Domain: Personification of the Earth, healing — colds, fevers and scorpion stings in particular

Description: A man lying on his side, one arm supporting himself, beneath his spouse, Nut, the personified sky. Grain sprouts from his ribs and vegetation from his back.

Consort: Nut

Strange story: His laughter is what causes earthquakes.

Hapi

Aka: Hapy

Domain: The yearly flooding of the Nile

Description: A man with a swollen belly, long hair and pendulous female breasts, sometimes with a cluster of papyrus on his head

Strange story: One ancient text relates that 1,089 goats were sacrificed to Hapi in a fertility rite.

Khepri

Domain: The sun

Description: A black scarab, or dung beetle, or a man with one for his head.

Strange story: Male scarabs push around small balls of dung. Ancient Egyptians believed that the sun, in turn, was pushed through the sky every day by Khepri.

Min

Aka: Amun-Min

Domain: Male virility

Description: A black mummified man who holds his wrappings in his right hand and his hard-on in his left, though he’s often shown with only one arm and one leg

Strange story: Offerings to Min depicted lettuce, a symbol of sex due to its semen-like milky sap.

Neith

Domain: War, creation, motherhood and the funerary process

Description: One of the oldest of the Egyptian pantheon, Neith’s iconography shifted through the centuries. She’s sometimes shown as a woman holding an ankh and was scepter or wearing the Red Crown of Lower Egypt. She’s also depicted holding a bow and arrow or a harpoon. As the mother of Sobek, she’s shown suckling a small crocodile at each breast. The goddess could also appear in the guise of a serpent or fish.

Strange story: She’s so wise that even the sun god Re comes to her for counsel. But if you don’t follow her advice, she gets so angry she’ll make the sky fall. 

Nut

Domain: The sky

Description: A naked woman bending over to form the heavens, her feet and hands on the horizon below. She’s sometimes depicted as a cow or sow.

Strange story: Every night, she swallows the sun, giving birth to it in the morning.

Ptah

Aka: Ptah-Nun

Domain: Creation and craftsmanship

Description: A mummified man with a long, thin erection, wearing a skull cap and false beard and carrying a scepter

Consort: Sekhmet

Strange story: While some believed that Ptah created the world on his potter’s wheel, others credited him with thinking or speaking the world into existence.

Sekhmet

Domain: Violence and healing

Description: A lion-headed woman

Consort: Ptah

Strange story: When the sun god Re grew old, his subjects plotted against him. To punish them, Re sent Sekhmet, who, in a destructive frenzy, went on a rampage, breathing fire and nearly wiping out the entire human race.

Sobek

Domain: Water

Description: A man with a crocodile head, sometimes wearing a headdress with tall feathers, horns and the sun

Strange story: Watch out, ladies! Sobek’s nickname is the Raging One because he’s known to “take women from their husbands whenever he wishes according to his desire.”

Taweret

Aka: Tawaret

Domain: Motherhood

Description: A grimacing hippo with sagging tits and a pregnant belly

Consort: Seth or Bes

Strange story: Containers made of faience were shaped like Taweret to hold breast milk. Two holes in the nipples allowed the milk to be poured out for magic rituals. –Wally