13 Ways Genghis Khan and the Mongols Were Surprisingly Innovative

Spoiler alert: The Mongols weren’t just bloodthirsty barbarians. Here are some of their shockingly progressive practices, from gender equality to standardized currency. 

When you think of Genghis Khan, do you picture a ruthless conqueror who spent his days pillaging and plundering? Well, yes, that certainly was the case. But it turns out that Genghis, who lived from 1162-1227, was more of a forward-thinking innovator than your average medieval warlord. (By the way, most people mispronounce his name: It should be something more like Jen-gis or Ching-gis.)

One main reason why Genghis Khan has that reputation is the sheer size of the Mongol Empire at its height: “In 25 years, the Mongol army subjugated more lands and people than the Romans had conquered in 400 years. Genghis Khan, together with his sons and grandsons, conquered the most densely populated civilizations of the 13th century. Whether measured by the total number of people defeated, the sum of the countries annexed or by the total area occupied, Genghis Khan conquered more than twice as much as any other man in history,” writes Jack Weatherford in Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World, published in 2004. “At its zenith, the empire covered between 11 and 12 million contiguous square miles.”

Most people today live in countries conquered by the Mongols, whose empire “stretched from the snowy tundra of Siberia to the hot plains of India, from the rice paddies of Vietnam to the wheat fields of Hungary, and from Korea to the Balkans,” Weatherford continues. 

“One of the Mongol law code’s greatest merits? No kidnapping women.

This might seem like a no-brainer today, but back then, it was a revolutionary step toward protecting individual rights. ”

The Mongols’ ability to conquer vast territories stemmed from their mastery of warfare, including feigned retreats, mobile cavalry, skilled archers, psychological tactics, advanced siege weapons, extensive spy networks and a remarkable ability to adapt. 

But it wasn’t all battles and bloodshed. Here are 13 ways Ghenghis Khan and the Mongols were surprisingly progressive. 

1. Meritocracy

In the traditional feudal system, your family name determined whether you’d be polishing armor or wearing it. Genghis Khan had a different idea. He believed that talent and skill should be the keys to power, not a fancy lineage.

In action: Under Genghis, promotions were based on ability, not aristocracy. This meant that even a “nobody” could rise to be a somebody if they had the chops. Subotai, for example, was born into a low-class blacksmith family and rose to become one of Genghis Khan’s most trusted generals through his strategic brilliance, orchestrating coordinated multi-front attacks that helped the Mongols conquer vast territories across Europe and Asia.

2. Religious tolerance

In a time when most leaders were busy burning heretics and smashing idols, the Mongols created a religious melting pot. Genghis Khan didn’t just tolerate different religions — he embraced them.

In action: Imagine a royal court where Buddhist monks, Muslim scholars, Christian missionaries and Taoist sages all hang out and exchange ideas over yak butter tea. Genghis Khan was smart enough to realize that forcing people to adopt one religion would only lead to unrest. Instead, he let them worship as they pleased, which, surprise surprise, led to a more stable and prosperous empire. 

3. Legal reforms

Ever heard of the Yassa code? No, it’s not Kanye’s newest name change — it’s the Mongol legal system. Genghis Khan’s Yassa laid down the law for everyone, from the highest nobles to the humblest herders. The rule of law applied equally, and it was strictly enforced.

In action: One of the Yassa’s greatest merits? No kidnapping women. This might seem like a no-brainer today, but back then, it was a revolutionary step toward protecting individual rights. Other notable inclusions: care for the elderly and disabled, and the prohibition of bodily mutilation as punishment. And no one was exempt: Even Genghis himself had to play by the rules. Now that’s what we call equal opportunity justice.

4. Female empowerment 

While medieval Europe was busy debating whether women had souls, the Mongols were giving them actual power and responsibilities. Mongolian women weren’t just seen but heard, holding positions of influence both at home and on the battlefield.

In action: Women in Mongol society could own property, initiate divorce and even fight alongside men. Genghis Khan’s daughters played key roles in governance and diplomacy, running entire regions of the empire. And to think it took 700 more years before women could even vote in America. 

5. Cultural fusion

The Mongol Empire was the ultimate cultural blender, mixing traditions, languages and customs from every corner of its vast territory. This wasn’t just coexistence — it was a dynamic, thriving fusion that enriched everyone involved.

In action: In the bustling cities of the Mongol Empire, you could hear a dozen languages in the marketplace, see architectural styles from Persia to China, and taste foods from across the continent. Genghis Khan encouraged this blending of cultures, which led to a vibrant, cosmopolitan society. 

6. Standardized currency

Before the Mongols, doing business across different regions involved a confusing mess of currencies and a purse heavy with coins. Enter Genghis Khan, who introduced a standardized currency system that made trade as smooth as a Mongolian silk scarf. The Mongols embraced paper money long before it became cool.

In action: Imagine traveling from Beijing to Baghdad and using the same currency along the way. It’s like having one universal credit card in a world full of barter systems. This wasn’t just convenient; it was revolutionary. The streamlined economy boosted trade and brought prosperity across the empire. Suddenly, Marco Polo’s tales of Mongol riches make a lot more sense. 

7. Distribution of wealth

After every successful raid or campaign, instead of building a giant gold statue of himself (which, let’s be honest, he totally could have), Genghis Khan divided the spoils — gold, silver, livestock, you name it — among his soldiers and the greater Mongol community via widows and orphans. This wasn’t just generosity; it was strategic brilliance. By ensuring that his troops and their families shared in the riches, Genghis Khan cultivated a fiercely loyal army and a population that was as invested in the empire’s success as he was. Talk about a profit-sharing plan!

In action: Take, for example, the aftermath of the Khwarezmian Empire’s collapse in 1221. After turning those Persian cities into a Mongol pillaging spree, Genghis didn’t keep the loot for himself. Instead, he divided it up among his troops and even sent a nice chunk back home to the families in Mongolia. This approach pleased his soldiers — turning them into recruitment posters on horseback. Who wouldn’t want to join an army where the bonus plan included a share of the spoils? It’s no wonder the Mongol Empire expanded so fast.

8. Tax reforms

Taxes might be as old as civilization itself, but the Mongols had a surprisingly modern take on them. Instead of bleeding their subjects dry, they implemented a fair and efficient tax system that encouraged growth and investment. Genghis Khan knew that happy traders meant a thriving economy. 

In action: Under the Mongols, taxes were based on wealth generated, not arbitrary demands. They even exempted religious leaders and certain professions — including doctors, priests and teachers — from taxes altogether. Think of it as a medieval version of tax breaks for small businesses. This approach not only fueled economic expansion but also kept the populace relatively content. 

9. Infrastructure development

The Mongols weren’t just tearing down walls — they were building up infrastructure. They constructed an extensive network of roads and bridges that connected the far reaches of their empire. These weren’t just any roads; they were superhighways of the medieval world, facilitating trade, communication and even mail delivery.

In action: The yam system, a kind of Mongol Pony Express, allowed messages to travel across the empire at lightning speed (well, for the 13th century). Waystations with fresh horses and supplies were set up along these routes, ensuring that couriers, traders, diplomats and soldiers could move quickly and efficiently. 

10. Promotion of trade

Before the age of globalization, there were the Mongols, creating an environment where trade could flourish, connecting East and West like never before.

In action: A world where goods, ideas and technologies flowed freely between continents: The Mongols made this possible by ensuring the safety of trade routes and establishing a network of waystations and caravanserais (inns for travelers). Traders could travel from China to Europe with relative ease, bringing silk, spices, and innovations like gunpowder and printing techniques. It was the medieval equivalent of Amazon Prime, but with more camels.

11. Knowledge transfer

The Mongols brought together the best minds from all over their vast empire. They didn’t just conquer; they collected knowledge, and boy, did they know how to network.

In action: When the Mongols captured scientists, engineers and scholars from different regions, they didn’t toss them in dungeons or hold them hostage. Nope, they put them to work sharing their expertise. Persian mathematicians, Chinese engineers and Arab astronomers all found themselves part of a massive, multicultural think tank. The result? A cross-pollination of ideas that accelerated advancements in science, medicine and technology. 

12. Agricultural techniques

While the rest of the world was figuring out crop rotation, the Mongols were busy revolutionizing agriculture. They introduced innovative farming methods and new crops that boosted food security and productivity across their empire.

In action: The Mongols were early adopters of techniques like irrigation and soil management. They also spread crops like sorghum and millet to new regions, ensuring diverse and resilient food supplies.

13. Military innovations

Okay, so maybe the Mongols did have a knack for warfare, but it wasn’t just brute force — they were tactical geniuses. Mongol military innovations didn’t just win battles; they changed the way wars were fought.

In action: The Mongol army’s use of composite bows, superior horsemanship and advanced siege tactics set new standards in military strategy. They also perfected the art of psychological warfare, using fear and surprise to their advantage. Their adaptability and innovation made them virtually unstoppable. 

The Mongolian Stamp on the Modern World

As the dust settled on the vast empire Genghis Khan and his descendants carved out, the world had irrevocably changed. The Mongols were more than conquerors — they were connectors, innovators, and, in a paradoxical way, civilizers. 

It’s time to shed light on the accomplishments of the Mongols, especially given how much we’ve misunderstood or even demonized them. For centuries, the term “Mongoloid” was cruelly applied to children with Down syndrome, falsely attributing to them the characteristics of an entirely different race — with the assumption that one of the baby’s ancestors must have been raped by a Mongol warrior.

The Mongols’ unyielding pursuit of dominance brought disparate cultures into dialogue, facilitated trade on an unprecedented scale, and spread ideas that would ignite revolutions in governance, warfare and even cuisine. From the Silk Road’s bustling caravans to the structured postal systems and the rise of paper money, the Mongols left a legacy far richer than their warrior reputation suggests. 

“Whether in their policy of religious tolerance, devising a universal alphabet, maintaining relay stations, playing games, or printing almanacs, money or astronomy charts, the rulers of the Mongol empire displayed a persistent universalism,” Weatherford writes. “Because they had no system of their own to impose upon their subjects, they were willing to adopt and combine systems from everywhere. Without deep cultural preferences in these areas, the Mongols implemented pragmatic rather than ideological solutions. They searched for what worked best; and when they found it, they spread it to other countries. They did not have to worry whether their astronomy agreed with the precepts of the Bible, that their standards of writing followed the classical principals taught by the mandarins of China, or that Muslim imams disapproved of their printing and painting. The Mongols had the power, at least temporarily, to impose new international systems of technology, agriculture and knowledge that superseded the predilections or prejudices of any single civilization; and in so doing, they broke the monopoly on thought exercised by local elites.”

“In conquering their empire, not only had the Mongols revolutionized warfare, they also created the nucleus of a universal culture and world system,” he continues. “This new global culture continued to grow long after the demise of the Mongol Empire, and through continued development over the coming centuries, it became the foundation for the modern world system with the original Mongol emphases on free commerce, open communication, shared knowledge, secular politics, religious coexistence, international law and diplomatic immunity.”

In a world that often frames history through the lens of East versus West, the Mongols remind us that our modern world isn’t a tale of isolated civilizations but a mosaic of influences, shaped by both conflict and collaboration. The very practices and beliefs we hold dear today — from the concept of religious tolerance to the mechanics of global commerce — owe a debt to a nomadic people whose empire once stretched from the steppes of Mongolia to the heart of Europe. 

In the Mongols, we find the origins of a truly interconnected world, one that continues to evolve, much like the riders who once galloped across the plains, forever altering the course of history. –Wally

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Angels, Demons, Leviathan and Other Monsters in the Bible

Our glossary of New and Old Testament creatures from God’s Monsters by Esther Hamori reveals some shocking surprises. Did angels actually have wings? How are cherubs described? You won’t believe the answers!

Those who take the Bible literally must believe in monsters — the Old Testament especially is filled with them. And in almost every case, they’re working for God.

“The biblical world is full of monsters,” writes Esther J. Hamori in her 2023 book, God’s Monsters: Vengeful Spirits, Deadly Angels, Hybrid Creatures and Divine Hitmen of the Bible. “Uncanny creatures lurk in every direction, from the hybrid monsters surrounding God in heaven to the stunning array of peculiar beings touching down on earth, and from giants in the land of milk and honey to Leviathan swimming beneath the seas. Most have been tamed by time and tradition.”

When you dig into the stories of the Old Testament, a horrifying revelation takes place. This God isn’t a loving god; in fact, he’s a major dick. Time after time, God unleashes his monsters to slaughter humans — and even his Chosen People aren’t safe from his wrath.

“Nowhere in the Bible are angels said to have wings.”

“God is surrounded by bizarre, monstrous creatures, and they commit remarkably violent acts on his command,” Hamori says.

Disclaimer: The findings put forth in this post are those of Hamori, not me. Please don’t kill the messenger. 

New and Old Testament Monsters Guide

Abaddon

What its name means: A word for the abyss or place of destruction (essentially Hell)

What it looks like: He’s not described, though he’s called the Angel of the Abyss.

What it does: He’s the one who brings forth horrific monsters with iron-like locust bodies, human faces, women’s hair, lion’s teeth and scorpion tails during the Apocalypse (Revelation 9:1-11).

angel

“Among the many monstrous creatures in the biblical heavens, angels are the most like us,” Hamori writes. “They’re the most human of monsters, not just in their sometimes-anthropomorphic appearance, but in their characters. They’re the best of it all and the worst, the most benevolent and the most brutal.”

What its name means: From the Greek word for messenger.

What it looks like: Most of the time, angels are described as looking like humans. And keep in mind, Hamori says, that they’re not White; they’d look like the people of the region — that is, Middle Eastern.

One aspect that’s never mentioned? Nowhere in the Bible are angels said to have wings.

They’re shapeshifters, taking other forms now and then. In Daniel 10:5-8, an angel is described as having a body like a gemstone, arms and legs like burnished bronze, a face like lightning and eyes like flaming torches. And the angel who led the Israelites through the desert appeared as a pillar of smoke during the day and a pillar of fire at night.

What it does: Most of the time, angels scare people, even when they come in peace. They tell Mary she’s going to give birth to God’s son, save Hagar and her son, Ishmael, and guard the Israelites during the Exodus. 

But they’re not always so benign. They’re also God’s warriors. One angel slaughters 185,000 Assyrians while they sleep. When Herod Agrippa is greeted like a god by the people, an angel strikes him down. He’s eaten by worms and then dies. “Not the other way around,” Hamori points out (Acts 12: 21-23).

And then there are the angels from the book of Revelation. At the end of the world, they’ll be throwing people into the fires of Hell for eternal punishment, and they’ll unleash hail and fire mixed with blood, throw a fiery mountain into the sea, poison the Earth’s freshwater, darken the sun, moon and stars, and unleash hybrid locust monsters.

See also: The Destroying Angel, the Destroyer

Azazel

What its name means: His name basically means The Goat That Departs.

What it looks like: Not sure

What it does: A goat (i.e., scapegoat) is designated “for Azazel” and carries off the burden of the people’s sins (Leviticus 16:8-10). (Sounds a bit like Jesus, doesn’t it?)

cherub / cherubim (plural)

“Like so many biblical monsters, the cherubim have been tamed over the centuries,” Hamori writes. “Their case is especially severe: They’ve been literally infantilized. Cherubim are imagined now as happy, fat angel babies. To the writers of the Bible, this image would be unrecognizable. They knew cherubim as something far more beastly, and far less friendly.”

What its name means: The Hebrew word is related to an Akkadian term for a type of hybrid monster.

What it looks like: This is where it gets confusing. They’re never clearly described in the Bible, though it’s thought they could be related to other guardian hybrids, like the lamassu of Assyria: winged lions or bulls with human heads.

But then there are the cherubim the prophet Ezekiel saw in a vision: “Their bodies appear humanoid, but they have four wings, straight legs with the hooves of a calf, and under their wings, human hands. Each cherub has four faces: those of a human being, a lion, an ox and an eagle,” Hamori writes. “But when he sees them again later, the four faces are those of a cherub, a human being, a lion and an eagle.”

So what exactly is the face of a cherub? Something indescribable? Or the four faces originally seen? If that sounds too bizarre to even consider, things get even more psychedelic: Their bodies sparkle like bronze, entirely covered with eyes and morphing to become a living chariot to carry God. 

And then they show up in the book of Revelations, which is one batshit crazy hallucination after another. The cherubim here still have four faces (though this time they’re of a lion, calf, human and eagle), and they’re still covered with eyes. But now they have six wings as well as hands, which they use to hold harps and golden bowls “full of the wrath of God” (Revelation 5:8-9; 15:7). 

What it does: They’re God’s bouncers, bodyguards and getaway drivers, Hamori tells us. God stationed cherubim at the gates of Eden to prevent Adam and Eve from reentering paradise. Statues of cherubim are also put to work guarding the Ark of the Covenant, where God resides on earth. (They seem a bit superfluous, since the ark, stolen by the Philistines, destroyed a statue of Dagon, one of the gods of the Old Testament, all by itself.)

As a chariot in Ezekiel’s vision, the cherubim flap their wings, which make a deafening noise. They’re fond of singing hymns and praising God. They also hand over the coals God uses to burn down Jerusalem. 

demon

In the Old Testament, demons are called upon to do some of God’s dirty work — though they’re not nearly as bloodthirsty as angels. “By the New Testament period, demons are definitively associated with Satan and are fully excised from the divine entourage,” Hamori writes. “God has banished his demons.”

What its name means: From Greek, describing an evil or unclean spirit

What it looks like: As vivid as later depictions of demons as hybrid horrors are, they’re glossed over in the Bible.

What it does: “If angels are the most like us, demons are the least,” Hamori writes. “They exist to cause harm. In the Hebrew Bible, they often take the form of plague, pestilence and disease. In the Gospels, an embarrassment of demons causes all manner of illness and disability.”

The Destroyer

What its name means: From a Hebrew word meaning “the Destroyer”

What it looks like: No description in the Bible

What it does: The Destroyer is the angel that murders all of the unprotected firstborn children in Egypt on God’s behalf during the 10th plague.

The Destroying Angel

What its name means: Pretty self-evident

What it looks like: A giant filling the sky, with a massive sword drawn

What it does: Don’t confuse this guy with the Destroyer, though they’re both capable of mass murder. 

giant

What its name means: Giant has an obvious translation, but the ancient Israelites used the name of one group of rivals, the Rephaim, as a generic term for giants.

What it looks like:  The bed of King Og, ruler of the Rephaim, gives us a clue as to their size: It’s 13.5 feet long and 6 feet wide. And the infamous Philistine warrior Goliath came in at over 9.5 feet tall.

What it does: They live in Canaan, a place where the people have been monsterized, turned into supersized cannibals. And so, in turn, they’re described as dehumanized foreigners (never mind that they were actually the indigenous inhabitants) that are “giants to be slain, food to be eaten, and animals to be killed,” Hamori writes.

Leviathan

What its name means: Coming from a Hebrew word, the name means something like the Twisted or Coiled One.

What it looks like: The primordial sea monster’s form is somewhat left to the imagination, though we get this description in Job:

His sneezes flash forth light; his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn. 
Out of his mouth go flaming torches; sparks of fire escape! 
Out of his nostrils comes smoke, like a basket with bulrushes ablaze.
His breath could kindle coals; flames come out of his mouth. 
In his neck lodges strength; terror dances before him. 
The folds of his flesh cleave together, hard-cast and immovable.
His chest is hard as a rock, hard as the bottom grinding stone.
When he rises up, gods fear! at the crashing, they are beside themselves. (Job 41:18-25)

The beast evolves dramatically in the book of Revelation, becoming a giant red dragon with seven heads.

What it does: “The sea monster is God’s forever foe, fought and slain in days already ancient to the biblical writers but promising to resurface for another round, destined to be slain again in the most distant future,” Hamori writes.

Psalm 104:26 has a different take: It mentions Leviathan, declaring: “whom you formed in order to play with him.” Is this eternal battle with Leviathan just a game to God? 

Job once more has the most poetic descriptions of Leviathan: 

A sword reaching him will not endure, nor spear, dart or javelin.
He thinks of iron as straw, and bronze as rotten wood.
The arrow cannot make him flee; sling-stones become chaff to him. 
Clubs are reckoned as chaff; he laughs at the shaking of javelins. 

His underparts are like the sharpest of potsherds; he crawls like a threshing sledge in the mud.
He makes the deep boil like a cauldron; he makes the sea like a pot of ointment.
Behind him, he leaves a shining wake; one would think the deep to be white-haired. 
He has no equal upon the earth, a created thing without fear. 
He looks upon everything lofty, he is king over all the proud. (Job 41:12-34)

Mavet (aka Death)

What its name means: Death

What it looks like: He has an enormous mouth to feed his rapacious appetite.

What it does: “Mavet has come up through our windows, he has come into our palaces, to exterminate the children from the streets, the young men from the town squares” (Jeremiah 9:21). 

But you know him better as the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse: He’s the last to come, riding a pale horse. His mission? Kill one-quarter of the Earth’s population.

nephilim

What its name means: The word may mean something like “monstrous births.” It has to do with falling and is used to describe fetuses that are “fallen” — that is, miscarried. 

What it looks like: Hybrids who are the offspring of the daughters of men raped by the sons of God (lower-level divine beings, and not angels, Hamori points out). In one mention in Genesis, the nephilim are also described as giants.

What it does: The name is used to describe an ethnic group of “mighty men” from the land of Canaan.

See also: giant

Qetev

What its name means: Scholars aren’t sure and have translated it in a variety of ways, including Destruction or the Sting.

What it looks like: No description provided

What it does: In one story, he’s a destructive force of nature: “a whirlwind of Qetev, like a storm of mighty overflowing water he hurls down to the earth with his hand” (Isaiah 28:2).

Resheph (aka Plague)

What its name means: We’re not sure, though it’s most often translated as Plague.

What it looks like: Outside of the Bible, he’s a god who shoots poisonous flaming arrows.

What it does: He liked to use fire and lightning to kill people at God’s behest.

Satan (aka the Adversary)

What its name means: Satan is the Hebrew word for adversary.

What it looks like: Forget the red skin, horns, cloven hooves and tail. There’s no real description of the adversary in the Bible. 

Adversaries can make themselves invisible, though (just not to donkeys, apparently).

What it does: The prophet Balaam was doing what God asked him to do — and yet he got a sword-wielding angel called a satan sent to murder him. 

Tip: Ride a donkey. Somehow the donkey, not known as the fastest or most agile of beasts, evades the satan’s attack not once but three times. 

It’s in the story of Job that things take a much darker turn. God and the Adversary (now capital A, in his official role as prosecutor in the heavenly court) decide to punish another innocent man, this time to see if he wavers in his faith to God. It’s some sort of sadistic experiment. 

So, the Adversary summarily kills all of Job’s livestock and most of his servants. As if that’s not enough, he then sends a windstorm to blow down a house, which collapses, crushing all 10 of Job’s kids to death. Oh, and then they throw in some torture for good measure. Job’s body is covered with painful boils from head to foot.

seraph / seraphim (plural)

Much more impressive than their snakelike cousins, seraphim are mentioned in a vision the prophet Isaiah has, where he sees the giant form of God sitting on a throne in the Jerusalem Temple. He’s surrounded by seraphim calling out, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Armies!” (Isaiah 6:3).

What its name means:  The Hebrew word suggests burning; essentially these are “burners.”

Keep in mind that “all translation is interpretation,” Hamori writes. “In this case, translators decide that Isaiah’s heavenly seraphim are unrelated to the deadly seraphim-serpents in other texts — and so they leave the Hebrew word seraphim untranslated only in Isaiah 6. Readers then have the impression that these creatures are unconnected.”

What it looks like: They have six wings. In Isaiah’s vision, two cover their faces; two cover their feet (a euphemism for genitals in the Bible); and two are used to fly. They’ve also got humanoid hands and feet, as well the body of a snake.

What it does: Isaiah stupidly mentions that his lips are “unclean” — so a seraph takes a burning coal and shoves it on his mouth. After performing this horrifying act, “the seraph explains the logic of this assault,” Hamori writes. “It’s to get rid of Isaiah’s sin.”

seraph-serpent / seraphim-serpents (plural)

During the Exodus, the wandering Jews couldn’t catch a break. After they had suffered from dehydration and disease, God sicced a swarm of poisonous snakes called seraphim-serpents on them (Numbers 21:4-9).

What its name means: Again, the Hebrew word roughly translates to “burners.”

What it looks like: This is a much less intense version of the heavenly seraphim. It’s a deadly snake with a bite of burning poison.

What it does: Kill numerous people with its lethal venom. Tip: To cure those who haven’t yet succumbed to the agonizing pain, create a seraph (Moses made his out of bronze), put it on a pole — and, in a bit of sympathetic magic, when the inflicted look upon it, they’ll be miraculously cured. 

spirit

What its name means: The Hebrew word for spirit is ruah, which also means wind or breath.

What it looks like: In 1 Kings, a “spirit — which you’d think by definition, should be disembodied — comes forward from the group and stands before God,” Hamori writes. “It’s only when the spirit crosses into the human realm that it shapeshifts, as if disintegrating into myriad invisible particles that can enter the mouths of four hundred prophets.”

What it does: In 1 Samuel, we learn why Saul gets rejected by God. He’s told to slaughter every last Amalekite — but Saul has the gaul to spare one single life: that of the king. For this, he’s abandoned by God, who chooses David instead. The merciful Saul is punished, “tormented by an evil spirit that ravages his mind, sending him into fits of frenzied violence,” Hamori writes.

When they’re not driving people insane, God’s evil spirits also sow discord, as one does with Sennacherib: “I will put a spirit in him and he will hear a rumor, and he will return to his land and I will make him fall by the sword of his own hand,” God says in 2 Kings 19:6-7. (Sure enough, the king heads home — and is promptly murdered by his sons.)

Is God the Real Monster?

Esther J. Hamori’s book God's Monsters challenges the sanitized interpretations of biblical creatures and forces us to confront a more terrifying and complex vision of God. 

“We’ve seen this God do bad, bad things,” Hamori writes. “He rarely does his own dirty work, instead deploying an array of monstrous creatures to get the job done, and always just the right monster for the moment: seraphim to threaten and intimidate people into submission, cherubim to guard the gateways and periodically to burn down portions of the earth and usher in divine destroyers, the Adversary to condemn and torture the innocent, spirits to gaslight, demons to destroy, and for a good old-fashioned slaying, perhaps an angel (if the angels aren’t too busy dragging people to hell or murdering masses of the earth’s population.”

The God of the Old Testament has long been understood to be a more angry, vengeful and even petty deity, especially when contrasted with the more compassionate figure of the New Testament. But the harsher aspects of God’s character have been whitewashed over time, likely because they make people uncomfortable. Hamori presents God not as a benevolent figure but one who commands a terrifying and violent entourage to enforce his will. In many ways, that makes him the biggest monster of all. –Wally

Artistic Depictions of the Virgin Mary: The Surprising Origins of Marian Iconography

The enigmatic allure of the Virgin Mary: From divine purity to unsettling symbolism, we explore the captivating myths and enduring appeal of the original Madonna. 

The Virgin Mary takes many guises in art over the centuries, from Queen of Heaven to the Sorrowful Mother whose tears have miraculous properities.

In art, God is often portrayed as an ancient, white-bearded man in flowing robes, a benevolent figure who watches over humanity from on high. Jesus, meanwhile, is typically depicted in various key moments from his life, such as his birth, crucifixion and resurrection. He walks on water and performs other miracles and has his Last Supper. 

But the Virgin Mary is a complex and enigmatic figure who wears many guises. Often cloaked in modesty, she’s seen as a symbol of hope, love and sacrifice. She’s portrayed as the ultimate role model for Christian women, the daughter of God, the bride of her own son and a regal queen. Her story is a richly woven tapestry of myths and symbols, each thread imbued with meanings that have been interpreted in countless ways throughout history.

As we delve into the realm of religious art and symbolism, we find her as a fertility goddess known as the Black Madonna, along with a loving mother whose tears and breast milk have magical healing powers. Amid the varied representations through the centuries, one thing remains certain: Mary’s enduring appeal as a divine figure. 

Mary, Queen of Heaven by the Master of the Saint Lucy Legend, circa 1495

Maria Regina: Queen of Heaven

Mary, the paragon of purity, couldn’t be left to rot in the grave like a mere mortal. So, the early Church fathers devised a bold solution: They declared that she had been taken up to Heaven in an event known as the Assumption, where she now reigns as a celestial queen. 

Popes viewed the Virgin Mary as a powerful propaganda tool. With their ties to the Queen of Heaven, they could legitimize their authority on earth and cemented the strong tie between Mary and Catholicism, centered in Rome: “The more the papacy gained control of the city, the more veneration of the mother of the emperor in heaven, by whose right the Church ruled, increased,” explains Marina Warner in her 1976 book Alone of All Her Sex: The Myth and the Cult of the Virgin Mary. 

The Coronation of the Virgin by Diego Velázquez, 1636

John VII was the first pope to have himself painted in prostration at the feet of the Virgin, in the basilica of Santa Maria in Trastevere in Rome. 

Madonna della Clemenza icon from the church of Santa Maria in Trastevere in Rome, 8th century. It’s the first to show a pope, John VII, prostrating himself at her feet (though it’s hard to make out now).

The coronation of Mary was first depicted in the 12th century, from an apse mosaic at Santa Maria to niches of French cathedrals, and became a favorite theme of Christendom. Christ is shown crowning his mother, switching the moment of her triumph from the Incarnation (when she conceived the son of God) to the Assumption (when she was taken up to Heaven). 

Coronation of the Virgin by Fra Angelico, 1435

The imagery of a divine queen worked well to legitimize not only popes but royalty and its system of inequality as well. “For by projecting the hierarchy of the world onto heaven, that hierarchy — be it ecclesiastical or lay — appears to be ratified by divinely reflected approval; and the lessons of the Gospel about the poor inheriting the earth are wholly ignored,” Warner writes. 

“It would be difficult to concoct a greater perversion of the Sermon on the Mount [Christ’s ethical code, focusing on compassion, selflessness, etc.] than the sovereignty of Mary and its cult, which has been used over the centuries by different princes to stake out their spheres of influence in the temporal realm,” Warner continues, “to fly a flag for their ambitions like any Maoist poster or political broadcast; and equally difficult to imagine a greater distortion of Christ’s idealism than this identification of the rich and powerful with the good.”

The Coronation of the Virgin With Angels and Four Saints by Neri di Bicci, circa 1470

The Bride of Christ: Incest Is Best?

As shocking as it may seem, the Virgin Mary was, for a while, depicted as the bride of her own son, Jesus. 

How could this have come about? Warner suggests the influence of Middle Eastern mystery religions, which played up males forming unions with females. The Canaanite god Baal coupled with his sister, Anat. In Syria, the shepherd Tammuz became the lover of the sky goddess Ishtar. The Phrygian cult featured Cybele and Attis, who died castrated under a tree. And Egyptian mythology tells the tale of Osiris, the god of the dead, who was chopped into pieces and put back together by his sister-wife, Isis. 

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The nuptials of these divine beings mirrored the joining of earth and sky at the dawn of creation.

You wouldn’t marry your mother, would you — even if she was the Virgin Mary?!

“Thus marriage was the pivotal symbol on which turned the cosmology of most of the religions that pressed on Jewish society, jeopardizing its unique monotheism,” Warner writes. “It is a symptom of their struggle to maintain their distinctiveness that the Jews, while absorbing this pagan symbol, reversed the ranks of the celestial pair to make the bride God’s servant and possession, from whom he ferociously exacts absolute submission.”

From this foundation, Cyprian of Carthage, in the 3rd century, accused virgins who flirted of committing adultery against their true husband, Christ.  

And then, of course, there are nuns, whose consecration ceremony includes getting a ring that designates them as a bride of Christ. Talk about polygamy on a mass scale!

But it wasn’t really until 1153, when Bernard of Clairvaux gave multiple sermons on the Old Testament’s Song of Songs — “that most languorous and amorous of poems,” as Warner calls it. In one of these, Bernard preached, speaking of Christ and the Virgin Mary:

But surely will we not deem much happier those kisses which in blessed greeting she receives today from the mouth of him who sits on the right hand of the Father, when she ascends to the throne of glory, singing a nuptial hymn and saying: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.”

Pagan influences aside, I’m puzzled as to how this incestuous idea ever caught on among Christians.

The Virgin and Child by Dirk Bouts, circa 1465

Maria Lactans: The Milk-Squirting Mary

While Mary was exempt from Eve’s punishment of bearing children in pain, there was one biological function allowed her: breastfeeding. “From her earliest images onwards, the mother of God has been represented as nursing her child,” Warner says. 

The Virgin Mary depicted with squirting breasts?! This is one iconography I’ve got to milk for all its worth.

Where did this idea come from? “The theme of the nursing Virgin, Maria Lactans, probably originated in Egypt, where the goddess Isis had been portrayed suckling the infant Horus for over a thousand years before Christ,” Warner explains. 

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RELATED: In the New Testament, Mary wasn’t mentioned as being a virgin. Find out why early Christians insisted upon Mary being pure.

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Madonna Nursing the Child (Maria Lactans) by Erasmus Quellinus the Younger, circa 1614

Part of this symbolism derives from a mother providing much-needed nourishment: “For milk was a crucial metaphor of the gift of life,” Warner continues. “Without it, a child had little or no chance of survival before the days of baby foods, and its almost miraculous appearance seemed as providential as the conception and birth of the child itself.”

And, not surprisingly, Mary’s milk was miraculous. A favorite medieval tale, including a version in French by Gautier de Coincy, tells how a faithful monk was dying of a putrid mouth filled with ulcers. He reproached the Madonna for neglecting him, and chastened, she appears at his bedside: 

With much sweetness and much delight,
From her sweet bosom she drew forth her breast, 
That is so sweet, so soft, so beautiful,
And placed it in his mouth, 
Gently touched him all about,
And sprinkled him with her sweet milk.

As Warner writes, “Needless to say, the monk was rendered whole again.”

According to a 14th century legend, Saint Bernard prayed before a statue of Mary. It came to life, and the Virgin placed her breast in Bernard’s mouth, nursing him as she did the baby Jesus.

The Madonna’s miracle milk became a nearly ubiquitous relic in Europe. “From the thirteenth century, phials in which her milk was preserved were venerated all over Christendom in shrines that attracted pilgrims by the thousands. Walsingham, Chartres, Genoa, Rome, Venice, Avignon, Padua, Aix-en-Provence, Toulon, Paris, Naples, all possessed the precious and efficacious substance,” Warner says.

John Calvin, the church reformer, had a scathing opinion about these claims. “There is no town so small, nor convent … so mean that it does not display some of the Virgin’s milk,” he wrote in his Treatise on Relics. “There is so much that if the holy Virgin had been a cow, or a wet nurse all her life she would have been hard put to it to yield such a great quantity.”

The idea of a breastfeeding mother of God waned in the Renaissance, when high-born women found it indecent to do the job themselves and outsourced the task to wetnurses. Plus, it was deemed indecorous to depict Mary with her breast exposed with the increasing idea that a woman’s body was shameful. Mary, with the Immaculate Conception, was born without original sin and therefore avoided Eve’s curse — and by the 16th century, that included being exempt from suckling the Christ child.

Madonna in Sorrow by Juan de Juni, 1571

Mater Dolorosa: The Sorrowful Mother

The caregiving image of Mary gave way to a mother mourning her dead son, what’s known as the Mater Dolorosa. The cult began in the 11th century, reaching full fruition in the 14th century in Italy, France, England, the Netherlands and Spain. The culmination of this iconography? Michelangelo’s La Pietà.

La Pietà by Michelangelo, 1499

Again, we have Ancient Egypt, and the surrounding region’s myths, to thank for this representation. The Egyptian goddess Isis sorrowfully wandered the land, collecting the pieces of her dismembered brother-husband, Osiris. When she finds his coffin, she caresses Osiris’ face and weeps. 

And she’s not the only weeping woman of the ancient Middle East. Dumuzi, the shepherd and “true son” of Sumerian myth, was sacrificed to the underworld, tortured by demons (much like Christ later, during his Passion and descent into Hell). The goddess Inanna, the Queen of Heaven, weeps for him.

It seems likely that Christians picked up this iconography — spurred on by the horrors of the Black Death, when the bubonic plague swept the continent, wiping out one-fifth of the entire population. “It aroused penitential fever in a way never seen before, and gave the image of the Mater Dolorosa weighty contemporary significance,” Warner points out. 

Madonna in Sorrow by Titian, 1554

Once again, Mary’s bodily fluids have healing properties. “The tears she sheds are charged with the magic of her precious, incorruptible, undying body and have the power to give life and make whole,” Warner explains. 

This cult has lasted to the present day. Many of us have heard stories of statues of the Virgin that miraculously weep. 

“Contemporary prudishness has tabooed the Virgin’s milk, but her tears have still escaped the category of forbidden symbols, and are collected as one of the most efficacious and holy relics of Christendom,” Warner says. “They course down her cheeks as a symbol of the purifying sacrifice of the Cross, which washes sinners of all stain and gives them new life, just as the tears of Inanna over Dumuzi fell on the parched Sumerian soil and quickened it into flower.” 

The Virgin of Greater Pain and Transfer of Great Power

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The Black Madonna of Monserrat

The Black Madonna: Our Lady of Montserrat

Most Western depictions of Mary present her skin as lily-white, untouched by corruption, despite the fact that she is undeniably Middle Eastern. So it’s all the more surprising to see the emergence of the Black Madonna, a dark-skinned version that became popular among the medieval Benedictine monks in Montserrat, Spain. 

The monks saw the lushness of their mountain as a mirror of Mary. As such, her icon took on aspects of a fertility goddess. 

But in a bizarre twist (or perhaps not, given that Mary was a Jew from Judea), the Virgin had dark skin, which led to her being known as the Black Madonna. In fact, she’s known locally as La Moreneta, the Little Dark One. The depiction spread to other places of worship, among them Chartres, Orléans, Rome and Poland. 

The Black Madonna of Częstochowa, Poland

“The Church often explains their blackness in allegorical terms from the Song of Songs: ‘I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem’ (Song of Solomon 1:5),” Warner writes. “[B]ut another theory about their color is even more prosaic: that the smoke of votive candles for centuries has blackened the wood or the pigment, and when artists restored the images, they repainted the robes and jewels that clothe the Madonna and Child but out of awe left their faces black.”

The shrine at Montserrat is one of the longest continuous cults of Mary, especially popular with newly married couples. Here she has dominion over marriage, sex, pregnancy and childbirth — odd for a virgin but not for a fertility goddess. 

The Black Madonna at St. Mary’s Church in Gdansk, Poland

A gruesome legend illustrates Mary’s power. A woman gives birth to a lump of dead flesh. But when she prays to Our Lady of Montserrat, it begins to move and is transformed into a beautiful baby boy. 

Madonna della Misericordia by Benedetto Bonfigli, circa 1470

Madonna della Misericordia: Our Lady of Mercy

In a merging of her roles as mother and queen, a new depiction of Mary emerged in Umbria, Italy at the end of the 13th century. The Virgin was given a massive cloak which she wrapped over the poor souls gathered at her feet. Towering over them and offering protection, this was the Madonna della Misericordia, Our Lady of Mercy. 

Madonna of Mercy by Sano di Pietro, circa 1440s

After the desolation of the Black Death in the late 1340s, this iconography of Mary became the most popular. Monks and laypeople alike would pray to this aspect of the Virgin, asking her to keep them safe from harm. 

The Virgin of the Caves by Francisco de Zurbarán, circa 1655

This Mary is often preternaturally large — and her son, Christ, isn’t anywhere to be found, “suggesting that her mercy, directly given, could save sinners,” Warner writes. But that cuts God and Jesus out of the equation and makes the Virgin a goddess in her own right. 

So while Our Lady of Mercy spread throughout Europe in the 14th and 15th centuries, it was officially declared heterodox (not in accordance with the accepted Catholic doctrine) and banned by the Council of Trent in the mid-1500s.

Dormition of the Virgin fresco by Frangos Katelanos, 1548

Divine Dominion Over Death 

The Virgin Mary has worn many guises over the years, from a gentle breastfeeding mother to imperial queen to tutelary goddess. 

“If travelers from another planet were to enter churches, as far flung as the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C., or the Catholic cathedral in Saigon, or the rococo phantasmagoria of New World churches, and see the Virgin’s image on the altar, it would be exceedingly difficult for them to understand that she was only an intercessor and not a divinity in her own right,” Warner points out. 

There are surely many factors that have led to Mary’s enduring appeal, starting with her co-opting of ancient mythology like the Egyptian goddess Isis. Many cultures find it fitting to worship the female spirit — something glaringly missing in the often-misogynistic views of Christianity. 

Detail from Assumption of Mary by Peter Paul Rubens, circa 1617

But Warner has a theory: “For although the Virgin is a healer, a midwife, a peacemaker, the protectress of virgins, and the patroness of monks and nuns in this world; although her polymorphous myth has myriad uses and functions for the living, it is the jurisdiction over her death accorded her in popular belief that gives her such widespread supremacy.”

She could be on to something. Think of the final words of the Hail Mary, the best-loved prayer in Catholicism: “Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.” –Wally

Twisted Tours at Trundle Manor in Pittsburgh

This roadside oddity is a neighborhood haunt worthy of a detour. A fun combination of the weird and the macabre, the home includes a secret passage, a tumor that serenades visitors and plenty of other strange delights. 

The approach to Trundle Manor has a Bates family home feel to it — and then there’s the scary alien monster and the barrel of nuclear waste.

While Wally and I were looking for things to do in Pittsburgh, he stumbled upon Trundle Manor, a house of oddities and a museum of the bizarre. The quirky roadside attraction has been a fixture of the quiet residential neighborhood of Swissvale since 2009.

Intrigued, Wally sent an email to the proprietors and received a reply from the mysteriously named Mr. ARM, who asked when we’d like to stop by for a tour. “With a name like that we have to go,” Wally said, and decided then and there to schedule our visit.

One of the cute friends you’ll meet in the front yard

My parents, who we were traveling with, are up for anything. So we decided to throw caution to the wind and tell them we had a surprise for them. I asked my dad to set the GPS to 7724 Juniata Street. As we pulled up to the curb, we saw a colorful hand-painted sign at street level that read, “Trundle Manor,” beckoning visitors in (or warning them off). 

Not far from the sign was a yellow barrel stenciled with a hazardous waste symbol oozing green goo. When we looked up, we saw a two-story Victorian manor sitting atop a steep hill. The brick house looked a bit ominous, not unlike the Bates family house in Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Psycho.

Mima has a hair-raising and electrifying experience on the front porch.

The manor got its name from one of the couple’s epic Halloween parties. They invented the fictitious Trundle Graves Funeral Home and Taxidermy Service as part of the party’s theme, and the name stuck.

Wally takes a ride on the Loch Ness Monster.

My mom and dad exchanged looks, but they didn’t say anything. They’re used to our strange sensibilities. We got out of the car and walked up the steps leading to the front door. I rang the doorbell, and a moment later, the door was opened by our hostess, Velda von Minx. From the moment we saw her, Wally and I knew she was a kindred spirit. 

Our charming hostess, Velda von Minx, spun a nonstop tapestry of twisted tales.

Velda had blunt bangs, long wavy blonde hair, smoky eyes and an infectious laugh. She explained to us that her name is a sort of mashup of Zelda Fitzgerald, wife of author F. Scott Fitzgerald, and B-list actresses. It works. 

Her husband’s moniker, Mr. ARM, is an acronym using his initials. Sadly, he was indisposed. He had stayed up late the previous night and was sleeping during our visit. (Outside the manor, the couple are otherwise known as Rachel Rose Rech and Anton Raphael Miriello.)

This is what you can expect at Trundle Manor — strange and creepy items everywhere you look.

Here Comes Trundle

We were ushered into Trundle Manor and followed Velda into the dining room, which was decorated in a Victorian style, while muddled old-timey music crackled in the background.

Mima: We thought the taxidermied bird outside was telling us to go home. 

“Oh no!” Velda exclaimed. “But I’m glad you’re here. Welcome to Trundle Manor, our personal collection of weird and dead stuff.”

We looked around. The room was packed with oddities. 

Most of the taxidermied creatures at Trundle Manor have some sort of whimsical elements, like this bear, with his cymbals and marching band hat.

“About 15 years ago, we decided to open our house to the public and show off our collection,” Velda continued. “Anton grew up as a weird little kid, always bringing home dead things. His parents are both artists, and they encouraged him and would take him to flea markets, where they collected antiques and Art Deco pieces. He would always find something else to add to his collection.”

“Are you still collecting?” Mima asked. 

“Always! It’s hard to stop!” Velda chuckled. “People bring us things all the time, which is nice. It’s like our own personal museum drop-off. If they know you as someone who collects unusual things, they’ll often bring you items that they’ve inherited or that make them uncomfortable. I guess it’s a way for them to get rid of something that they don’t want, but also know that it’ll be appreciated by someone who loves weird stuff. We say it’s great to know people in different professions. Especially if you have friends in the funeral home industry, medical industry, veterinary technicians, people who clean out houses or even theater people — you’ll likely find that they have all sorts of cool things that they’re willing to part with.”

A small glass jar with something ashen inside and the name “H.H. Holmes” written on it, caught my eye. I asked Velda if they were the ashes of H.H. Holmes, the notorious serial killer at the center of Erik Larson’s brilliant book The Devil in the White City.

“It’s grave dirt,” she said with a smile. “From our favorite serial killer — if one needs a favorite serial killer. He was hanged at Moyamensing Prison in South Philadelphia in 1896 and buried in Holy Cross Cemetery in Yeadon, Pennsylvania, but his grave is unmarked. A local historian friend of ours got us some of the dirt from his grave.

“We also have grave dirt from some other famous people,” Velda added. “Like Rod Serling, Patsy Cline and Edgar Allan Poe. On the wall behind you is a jar of Bela Lugosi’s grave dirt. If it’s Dracula-related, we must have some of the earth he was buried in.”

I asked if the three bronze faces on the wall were of Lugosi. 

“They’re actually of Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price.” Velda replied. “We have Vincent Price’s autograph. My grandmother met him in Dayton, Ohio in 1972 during a summer production of Oliver! We also got to meet John Astin, the actor who played the original Gomez Addams, on The Addams Family,” she added.

Astin is an idol of Miriello’s, and the couple met him about 10 or 11 years ago when they drove out to Baltimore and pretended to be acting students at Johns Hopkins University, where  Astin was a director of the theater arts until his retirement in 2021.

Papa, Mima, Duke and Wally are only pretending to be scared. They loved their visit to this kooky home.

Velda eyed Wally’s iPhone with the chubby cat on the back. “I love your case,” she said. “Who’s the cat?”

“That’s our cat, Bowzer,” I replied. “He’s a bit of a chubster, but he’s a sweetheart.”

“Our cat was 25 pounds,” Velda said. “He was the ring bearer at our wedding. We had to weld together a little circus cage to carry him, because you can’t train a cat to walk down the aisle. We gently escorted him down the aisle, and he did a great job.

Wally laughed. “That sounds like a memorable wedding,” he said. “So, are you Mrs. ARM now?”

Velda smiled. “I guess so,” she said. “I always go by Velda von Minx, but of course I’ll take Mrs. ARM! We had a very unique wedding. We got married at the Braddock Carnegie Library, which was the first Carnegie Library in America. There’s a big Victorian-era music hall attached. We wanted a party wedding, so we had 12 bands, five belly dancers, a gourmet waffle buffet and an all-day open bar with an absinthe fountain. It was like a 14-hour event. That’s my wedding gown in the tall case.”

“Did you say an absinthe fountain? With real wormwood?" Papa asked.

“Not enough to make you hallucinate — but enough to make you good and drunk!” Velda chuckled. 

The couple’s wedding was an epic event, featuring multiple bands, a belly dancer and an absinthe fountain.

“And here we have our collection of medical oddities," she continued, gesturing to a nearby table. “Embalming equipment, vintage syringes, anal speculums, trepanation tools and a whole platter of gynecological tools that came in a box with a handwritten note that said, ‘Sorry, ladies.’ We had to have that.

Sorry, ladies! This tray holds a frightening mix of old-school medical devices once used for gynecological checkups, anal probes and trepanation.

“When we visit antique shops, we make it our mission to find the most upsetting things to buy. Like this embalming machine, used to pump fluid into a cadaver by a mortician. It would take a lot of cleaning, but I could totally see it as a margarita machine.

“Or this dental X-ray machine from the 1920s. It was used in a dentist’s office in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, up until the 1990s. There’s a sticker inside that says, ‘CAUTION: Radiation When…’ but the rest of the text has fallen off. Needless to say, we’re not going to plug it in.

“All of our taxidermy is real. We don’t  hunt or kill anything ourselves. We prefer the very old, kind of hungover-looking ones.”

“I love that one!” I said, pointing to a taxidermied fox sitting atop a cabinet wearing a tiny tiara and a pink ribbon.

“The Princess Fox?” Velda asked. “That’s our oldest, from the 1890s. And this is one of our creations: a werewolf-mermaid, or mer-wolf. The top half is our friend’s Rottweiler that died of natural causes and was donated to us. The bottom half is a carp. There are mahi-mahi fins and glass eyes from a blind human.”

Princess Fox, to the right in a tiara, is the couple’s oldest specimen, dating to the 1890s.

Velda directed our attention to a pair of hybrid creatures.

"This is also one of ours,” she said. “These fighting catfish are part cat and part fish, and they’re always fighting. We’re not expert taxidermists. We just have a glass of absinthe and see what happens. We’re influenced by gaffs, which are fake creatures pieced together from real animals. Think P.T. Barnum’s traveling sideshow stuff and the FeeJee Mermaid.”

She regaled us with a great story about one of her and Miriello’s adventures:

“One time, we saw what we thought was a cat that had been hit by a car on the main road. We felt really bad, so we pulled over to see if we could help. It turned out that it was actually a skunk. We had a kill kit in the back of our car, a briefcase with a cleaver and a bunch of Ziploc bags. I was wearing an evening gown, as I often do, squatting and holding open a bag, while Anton chopped off its head with the cleaver. We looked across the street and saw a little 10-year-old boy watching us. We were like, ‘Oh, sorry.’”

Wally asked, “What did you do with that skunk head?”

Velda replied with one eyebrow arched, “It’s sitting on a shelf somewhere in that cabinet.”

Wally asked Velda if she could share any stories of paranormal activity or spooky experiences involving their house.

“Technically, our house should be haunted,” Velda said. “The previous owner, Charlie, committed suicide in 2006, and we’re the first people to live here since. We learned from our neighbors that he didn’t have many people in his life, was a member of Mensa, and a bit of a hoarder. So, we like to think that he’s living vicariously through us.”

Velda continued. “Everyone who comes here is good-natured, whether they’re a friend, family member or guest at one of our parties. There’s always positive energy, and we get to see people’s best days. We like to think that we’re providing him with entertainment, if nothing else. When we go out of town, we ask Charlie to look after the house.”

Wally asked what the rest of the house was like beyond the museum. Velda replied, “There’s a total of four rooms that are open to the public. The upstairs is where we live, and it's more retro rockabilly. There’s a pinball machine, our Lego collection and a ’50s diner booth.”

She continued, “I should also mention that our most priceless item in this room is a tiger pelt from Indonesia. It was donated to us by a man who was cleaning out his mother’s home after she passed away. He told us that the pelt came from a small village in Indonesia where his father was born. Sometime in the 1950s, a young Sumatran tiger was spotted lurking near a densely populated residential area. Concerned that the tiger might attack or kill their children, the father shot it and had its pelt made into a rug.”

A Sumatran tiger that was killed in the 1950s and made into a rug was donated to Trundle Manor, and became their most priceless part of the collection.

So how did Trundle Manor come to be?

“What started out as a party space for friends and family, photo shoots, art shows, movie screenings and burlesque shows has turned into a roadside attraction. We now do about a dozen tours a week.”

Behold! Olivia’s Singing Tumor! One of the stars of the collection, this tumor came from their belly dancing friend, who still pops by to visit her erstwhile body part.

The Singing Tumor and Counterfeit Cash

Velda guided us out of the dining room and into the vestibule. 

“In our entryway, we have a human reliquary altar.” Typically, a reliquary is a container for religious relics that include the remains of saints, such as bones or pieces of clothing. “Ours contain parts of people that they’re no longer using anymore,” our charming tour guide continued. “We have my husband’s first mustache, in case his face melts off and I need to bandage him up and glue it back on. We also have a jar with a red lid that contains most of what’s left of a human brain. It was a wedding gift from our tattoo artist friend who received it as payment from a medical waste employee instead of cash. The original jar got thrown at him and shattered against a wall and is the reason why it’s incomplete. We also have a jar with a couple of months’ worth of skin flakes from our friend with psoriasis.”

A collection of prosthetic legs, lost to injury or illness, came from a friend who works at a retirement home. One from the 1940s has toes carved into the wooden foot.

Mima picked up some bills. “What’s this?” she asked. 

“We make our own money,” Velda explained, “because we loved the idea of having drawers full of cash like the Addams Family. We’re not rich, but we do have our own currency. I’m on the $3 bill, Mr. ARM is on the $13 bill, and our beloved cat, Little Devil, is on the $666 bill.”

Velda removed the covering from an object with a flourish to reveal the crown jewel of their collection. Floating within a custom-made steampunk brass and glass vessel (built by Mr. ARM) was a fist-sized mass. It wouldn’t look out of place among the contraptions of Captain Nemo’s submarine the Nautilus. This curiosity is Olivia’s Singing Tumor, bequeathed to them by their belly dancing friend, who still performs around Pittsburgh.

“This was a benign tumor on her uterus about 15 years ago,” Velda told us. “Hospitals typically don’t allow patients to keep surgical specimens, but Olivia was persistent, and they were able to freeze the tumor and give it to her in a Tupperware container.”

The assemblage sits upon an oak phonograph pedestal, complete with a pair of metal horns to amplify its “singing” — a song whose chorus Velda informed us is, appropriately, “I want my mommy.” Olivia occasionally comes to visit her tumor, Velda added. 

Also occupying the space is a bug-eyed, mustachioed 4-foot-tall animatronic Santa Claus wearing wire-rimmed glasses. It’s been remade into a likeness of Mr. ARM. It stands silently in the entryway. “We tinkered with it and re-recorded its voice to announce the collection,” Velda said. “But it malfunctioned after it got rained on and started singing ‘Jingle Bells’ in a rather demonic voice.”

The parlor at Trundle Manor has a bit more room — but don’t worry: It’s still stuffed to the gills with weird shit.

The Freeze-Dried Cat and a Gremlin Named Nigel in the Parlor

The four of us exited the entryway and followed Velda into the parlor, the largest of the rooms at Trundle Manor. 

“We can accommodate 12 to 15 people when we screen movies, which we do about once a month,” she told us. There’s a pull-down screen and a projector mounted to the ceiling. A couple of Velda’s favorites flicks include pre-code Hollywood horror movies such as Frankenstein (1931) and Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933). 

A portrait of Velda von Minx and Mr. ARM in the style of holy icons holds a pride of place on one of the walls. When I asked Velda about it, she told us that Anton’s parents are both artists who specialize in saint iconography painting.

“They’re not religious people,” Velda said. “But they’ve been painting saint icons since the 1970s. His dad paints the bodies and backgrounds, while his mom does the faces and hands.”

Velda added that the portrait was a wedding gift from her in-laws.

The painting of the couple was religious icons was done by Mr. ARM’s parents as a wedding gift.

I don’t think any of us were prepared for what Velda told us next about their dearly departed black cat, Little Devil. “We had him freeze-dried and preserved, and  placed him in a special glass box with a lid that unlocks so we can still reach in and pet him. We bought him a tiny top hat at the oldest hat shop in the world in London, where the royal family has had custom hats made for over 300 years. I’m surprised they let us through the front door!”

This handsome fellow is Little Devil, the couple’s cat, which has been freeze-dried. Gulp.

The fantastical throne in the parlor is a collaboration between Mr. ARM and his friend The Admiral. It’s their interpretation of the Eldritch Seat of R’lyeh and is an homage to H.P. Lovecraft’s octopus-èsque monster Cthulhu. The back piece was first sculpted in clay and then cast in plastic and treated to look like wood.

“We also built a birdcage with a miniature replica of the parlor inside,” Velda continues. Amazingly, she hadn’t run out of stories yet. “For a time, we thought we might have a gremlin, as we kept losing things in the house, only to find them again in places that neither of us had left them.

“So Mr. ARM and I decided to give our gremlin a place to hang out that we knew he would appreciate. We filled the decoy with real tiny dead specimens, a reading lamp, miniature Poe and Lovecraft books, custom leather furniture, a coffin to sleep in and my personal favorite: a fully stocked bar with bottles of absinthe, moonshine and an 18-year-old scotch. We named him Nigel, and if he is real, he’s living it up!”

One of the birdcages has a miniature setup of the room to keep the home’s gremlin, Nigel, so contented he won’t get up to mischief.

Wally noticed a birdcage themed like the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks and asked about it.  

“We adore Twin Peaks,” Velda said, scoring even more points with Wally. “That’s how we spent most of the pandemic, in the parlor watching David Lynch on repeat. There’s even a little cherry pie and miniature cup of coffee. Although I still need to finish making the curtains!”

Pointing to the wall, Velda said, “The moose is our biggest friend. We purchased him at an antique shop in central Pennsylvania. When we brought him home, we didn’t realize that he wouldn’t fit through the front door. We had to saw off his left antler in order to get him inside and reattached it upside down, because that’s how Pierre, the stuffed moose head in The Addams Family, had his antlers.

“Over in the corner,” Velda gestures, “and sitting atop a table near Little Devil is a fawn with a blonde wig that we call the Nudie Cutie. I don’t know why a taxidermist would have wanted a baby deer to look like a sexy pinup girl, but they did. I made her a bikini, and added false eyelashes and a wig.

“The big guy in the corner with the wooden leg and the ribs was something that my husband made when he was 15. His parents told him that he couldn’t have a dog, so he built one. It’s got the head of an alligator, deer bones and chicken wire. He would take it outside and drag it down the road on a leash.”

This creepy creature was Anton’s first creation, when he started playing Doctor Frankenstein at the age of 15.

In the barrister bookcase are two mummified cats. “Our neighbor found one under his porch and thought it would be a great gift for his wife, but when he gave it to her, she was horrified. The other one came from our friend who makes movie props. She found it when she was cleaning out her warehouse. She also gave us a dental chair from the 1930s and a perm machine from the 1920s. We call the perm machine our ‘feminine electric chair.’ The metal clips would attach to wet hair, and electricity would flow through its wires to cook it into being curly. The machine says: 115 volts/15 amps. One amp could electrocute a person.

Velda saw Mr. ARM tooling around town in his hot rods, stalked him on social and got herself invited over. It was love at first taxidermy lesson.

“My other favorite thing in the parlor is the two squirrels getting married,” Velda said with a smile. “They’re part of our love story.” 

For years Anton was part of the Drifters Car Club of Pittsburgh, a vintage motorsport club. “I would see him around town with his hot rods and sort of started stalking him on social media. And that’s how we met because I got myself invited over. That first night he said, ‘I’ve got a freezer full of dead squirrels. Do you want to learn taxidermy in my basement?’ To which I replied, ‘Of course!’”

Talk about a meet-cute! 

Nothing is as it seems in the Trundle Manor kitchen. Every cabinet opens to reveal a surprising mad scientist take on kitchen appliances.

That’s the Kitchen?!

Our final stop was the laboratory/gift shop/kitchen. The entrance is hidden behind a moveable display case in the dining room. It has all the typical appliances — they’re just concealed by panels, doors, buttons, switches, wheels and blinking lights that transform the room into a mad scientist’s laboratory. There’s even a device with an electric current that Mr. ARM uses to light cigars. 

Wish you were here?

Home, Strange Home

To some, Trundle Manor may seem a little disquieting and strange. But to its owners, Mr. ARM and Velda von Minx, it’s a labor of love. Their strange and wonderful collection fills every nook and cranny of the downstairs of their circa-1910 home.

Velda was kind, playful and genuine. Tours take about 45 minutes and are by appointment only. Velda von Minx and Mr. ARM accept donations of cash, booze or oddities in exchange for guided tours. 

If you’re planning a trip to Pittsburgh and are fans of oddities, as we are, it’s well worth making a reservation for a jaunt to this fascinating home. You’ll come away with numerous stories that begin, “You won’t believe this…” Obviously, Wally and I loved it, and my parents did, too. –Duke

Trundle Manor’s tagline is: The most unusual tourist trap in the world meets the most bizarre private collection on public display!

And we gotta say, that about sums it up.

Trundle Manor 

7724 Juniata Street 
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15218
USA

 

The Haunting and Horrific Mummy Museum of Guanajuato

The surprisingly popular Museo de las Momias is filled with naturally preserved corpses, dried out and twisted into gruesome positions. Their wide-open mouths are enough to make visitors scream. 

There’s a museum filled with naturally preserved corpses in Guanajuato, Mexico — and it’s a popular attraction with locals and warped tourists alike.

While researching a day trip from San Miguel de Allende, Duke said, “There’s a mummy museum in Guanajuato—”

“Say no more!” I interrupted him. “I’m sold.”

It’s just the kind of perverse spectacle that made us name our site The Not So Innocents Abroad. 

“This woman had wakened under the earth. She had torn, shrieked, clubbed at the box-lid with fists, died of suffocation, in this attitude, hands flung over her gaping face, horror-eyed, hair wild.”

— Ray Bradbury, “The Next in Line”

And we’re not the only ones into this type of gruesome excursion. The parking lot was full, and there was a line to get into the museum. All told, we had to wait about 20 minutes to purchase tickets. 

“The mummies of Guanajuato bring the biggest economic income to the municipality after property tax,” Mexican anthropologist Juan Manuel Argüelles San Millán told National Geographic. “Their importance is hard to overstate.”

Meet the oldest mummy at the museum: Dr. Remigio Leroy, buried in 1860 and exhumed five years later.

Many of the mummies still have their hair and teeth — and dried sacs where their eyes have oozed out.

Our tour guide spoke in Spanish — most of the visitors were locals as opposed to fellow gringos. Our Spanish is nowhere near good enough to follow what he was saying, but we trailed after the group, snapping photo after photo. 

The mummies are pale and desiccated, twisted into horrific poses, their arms crossed over their chest or fingers bent at unnatural angles. The dried skin has flaked off in many areas, looking like a wasp nest, though on a few the skin is pulled taut and smooth. On some, the eyes look as if they’ve oozed out of their sockets to become dried sacs. Quite a few still have their teeth; you’ll see tongues protruding from others. Some still wear dusty clothes, pulled from their graves before the fabric had time to rot away. 

Many still have their hair, wild manes or neat braids. We passed a mummy that had a large patch of gray pubes, which made us groan and then giggle. 

This mummy still sports a patch of gray pubes.

One somber section is devoted to babies, eerie infants dressed in gowns and caps, looking like dreadful dolls. 

But what you notice most are the mouths. They’re open in what appears to be an eternal scream. They’re screaming, as if they knew what their ignominious fate would be. 

So, how did the mummies end up here?

If you’re buried in Guanajuato and no one pays your burial tax…you could end up a mummy at the museum!

Exhumed and Exploited 

Unlike a cemetery in the United States, where you buy a plot of land for perpetuity, the gravesites in the silver mining town of Guanajuato had a burial tax. If a family didn’t pay up, the corpse had to vacate the premises to make way for a paying customer. 

The bodies at Santa Paula cemetery were moved to an underground ossuary — what happens to be the current site of the Museum of the Mummies. 

Check out those cheekbones! This is considered to be the best-preserved mummy at the museum.

Those commissioned with the gruesome task of removing the corpses were shocked to discover that many were well preserved. Turns out that the deep crypts, devoid of humidity and oxygen, provided the ideal conditions to prevent decomposition. The bodies had dried out naturally, transforming into what are now known as the mummies of Guanajuato. 

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Gravediggers lined up the mummies and charged the public a few pesos to see them. Early viewers would break bits off of the mummies or nabbed name tags as souvenirs. 

The macabre practice continued for 90 years, until 1958. Ten years later, the city opened el Museo de las Momias de Guanajuato, and 59 of the original 111 mummies are on display. 

And so the tradition continues — though the museum now charges 85 pesos (less than $5). We sprang for the additional section, which turned out to be a kitschy collection of spooky spectacles in the vein of Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

One of the dioramas in the bonus room at the end.

Thought to be Asian, this mummy is referred to as the China Girl — and is the only one with its original coffin, despite being one of the oldest specimens in the collection.

Mummies Dearest 

The first of the mummies dates back to 1865 and is that of a French doctor, Remigio Leroy. As an immigrant, he had no one to keep up his burial tax. 

One unfortunate soul, Ignacia Aguilar, had a medical condition that greatly slowed her heart, and her family rushed to bury her (not unusual in warm climates). Ignacia was eventually unearthed, her mummy lying face-down — and the ghastly truth was discovered: Due to injuries on her forehead and the position of her arms, she’s believed to have been buried alive. 

The corpse on the left is believed to have been buried alive, while the guy in the middle drowned.

And, alongside its mother, there’s a 24-week-old fetus, believed to be the youngest mummy in existence. 

Analysis of the mummy showed that this woman was 40 years old and malnourished when she died while pregnant. Her fetus is thought to be that of the youngest mummy in existence.

Death on Display

The museum may be popular, but it also comes with its share of controversy. Aside from the questionable ethics of showcasing the forgotten dead in a freakshow of sorts, some scientists say that storing the mummies upright, as many are displayed, hampers preservation. 

But this display of death is just part of the culture. 

“For Mexicans, this isn’t bizarre or weird,” local guide Dante Rodriguez Zavala told Nat Geo. “We have a comfort level with death — we take food to our dead loved ones on Day of the Dead and invite mariachis into the cemetery.”

One of the scariest of the mummies

Pretending to be a mummy at the end

But for some, like writer Ray Bradbury, the experience is haunting. Bradbury, traumatized by his viewing of the mummies in 1945, wrote a fantastic, creepy short story about them called “The Next in Line.” It’s in his collection The October Country and will stick with you long after you finish reading it. The tale is the perfect companion piece to a visit to the Museum of the Mummies. 

Much better than the schlocky horror flick Las Momias de Guanajuato (The Mummies of Guanajuato). This movie from 1972 is part of the luchador genre, starring three wrestlers from the time — Blue Demon, Mil Máscaras and Santo, the Silver Masked Man — saving the town from a resurrected sorcerer (and fellow wrestler) named Satan and his army of the undead. –Wally

Museum of the Mummies of Guanajuato

Explanada del Panteón Municipal
Centro
36000 Guanajuato
Guanajuato
Mexico

 

Cochineal Red: How Bugs Created One of the World’s Most Expensive Colors

From Aztec “cactus blood” to British redcoats to a Starbucks scandal, cochineal has long been coveted. Just don’t tell your vegetarian friends they’ve probably eaten bugs.

Who’d have thought that a tiny cactus-eating bug would end up being responsible for one of the most-sought-after dyes?

Primal and elemental, the color red is associated with such varied emotions as love, sin, anger — and even, thanks to Charles Dickens — the frustration that comes from red tape, a metaphor for the rigid rules and procedures of bureaucracy. 

First coveted by the ancient Aztec and Inca civilizations, the highly prized crimson dye-producing cochineal insect has been used since then to create the color red. It even enabled the Spanish Crown to finance its empire for nearly two centuries. 

“It takes nearly 70,000 cochineal bugs to make a single pound of red pigment. ”

For a long time, a Mexican bug had the entire world seeing red.

Bugging Out: The Nopal Cactus and the Cochineal 

Although occasionally referred to as a beetle, cochineal (pronounced “coke-in-neel”) is in fact a scale insect, a parasitic bug that attaches itself to a host plant, drawing sustenance from it. They’re about the size of a peppercorn and resemble a burgundy-colored piece of gnocchi. 

It’s the female cochineal bugs that can be used to create red — it just takes 70,000 of them to make 1 pound of dye.

At maturity, it produces a white, cottony covering as camouflage to hide from predators. Clusters can be found in abundance on the wide, flat “paddles” or “pads” of the nopal, the fruit-bearing prickly pear cactus. In addition to their downy coats, the female cochineal produces a chemical called carminic acid, which is the source of the color used to make a red dye. 

The lifecycle of a Polish variety of the cochineal insect

The Aztecs were the first to domesticate cochineal and referred to the insects as nocheztli, Nahuatl for “cactus blood.” A colorfast pigment was produced by harvesting and grinding the dried carcasses of the female cochineal bug into a fine powder. In the dyeing process, a mordant is used to fix the color. Different metallic compounds yield different shades. Aztecs often added a mordant of aluminum sulfate to the dye bath to bind the carminic acid to ritual and ceremonial textiles worn by their rulers as a symbol of wealth and status. 

A red to dye for

Blood Money

Cochineal quickly became a prized commodity for Spain soon after Hernán Cortés and the conquistadors discovered macnu, the scarlet-colored pigment sold in cakelike form in the Aztec markets of Tenochtitlan. The Spanish saw the commercial value of these bugs, which quickly became the third-most valuable export of the New World, after gold and silver. 

Nothing in Europe could match the bright red that came from the cochineal bug. The Madonna With the Iris, from the workshop of Albrecht Dürer, circa 1500-1510

Cochineal red finally escaped the clutches of Spain-controlled Mexico, thanks to a sneaky botanist named Thiéry de Menonville. Here are pages from his sketchbook showing cochineal and the nopal cactus.

It takes nearly 70,000 insects to make a single pound of pigment. At the time, Europe didn't have a dye that matched the brilliance and longevity of cochineal. For this reason, cultivation was restricted to Spanish-controlled Mexico from the 16th century up until 1777, when a young French botanist by the name of Nicolas-Joseph Thiéry de Menonville managed to smuggle cochineal-infested cactus pads to Haiti. 

Some of the iconic redcoats of the British military were dyed with cochineal — the fact that they somewhat masked blood stains was a bonus.

The Redcoats Used It, as a Madder of Fact

The term “redcoats” was coined in Tudor Ireland to refer to the British military uniform, which included the now-iconic fiery red jacket.

Only officers’ coats were dyed scarlet with cochineal bugs.

After passing the New Model Army ordinance in 1645, the British military officially adopted red as its uniform color. Most were dyed a rusty red using the cheaper and more accessible madder root. The costlier scarlet obtained from cochineal was reserved for officers and sergeants. It’s said that red was used because it wouldn’t show blood stains, but blood dries to a blackish color, and this is believed to be a myth. 

Taste the rainbow — as well as some bugs! Prior to 2009, the “natural color” used to make your favorite red candies, including Skittles and Starburst, came from dried, ground-up cochineal insects.

Food for Thought: You’re Eating Bugs!

Not limited to clothing, cochineal (or carmine, as it’s also called) is used to give alcoholic beverages, cosmetics, shampoo and pharmaceuticals a bright red color. 

It’s also used in food. In 2012, cochineal made headlines when Starbucks faced a public relations furor. Vegetarians and others who didn’t like the idea of eating bugs learned that the source of the red color in popular food items such as their Red Velvet Whoopie Pie and Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino contained insect guts. 

But the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has tested and approved cochineal as a food coloring. To make this more appealing to consumers, it's often listed by other designations. So the next time you’re picking up something at the store, watch out for these ingredients, which are all other names for cochineal or carmine: E120, carminic acid, crimson lake or natural red 4 — because, really, what’s more natural than bugs?

I’ve unintentionally swallowed my fair share of insects while riding my bike to work. Sure, it’s gross — but compared to synthetic red dyes such as Red No. 2 and Red No. 40, which carry far greater health risks and are derived from coal or petroleum byproducts, bugs sound positively appetizing. –Duke

Alien-Human Hybrids: A Plot to Conquer Earth?

Yes, it sounds like science fiction. But a preeminent ufologist believes that for over 100 years alien abductees around the world have had their DNA harvested and manipulated by aliens.

Are alien-human hybrids living among us? And if so, what’s their nefarious endgame?

Dr. David M. Jacobs, in his research on UFOs and alien abductions, has come to a shocking conclusion: Extraterrestrials have been harvesting — and using — our DNA for over a century. The goal? Making alien-human hybrids. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: That’s crazy. It sounds like the plot of a sci-fi movie. It can’t possibly be real. 

But I assure you that David struck me as an intelligent man. He taught history at Temple University for over 35 years. He’s spent the better part of his life interviewing hundreds of people who have recalled over 2,000 abduction events, and the details were so strikingly similar that he eventually became convinced of their truth. 

Dr. David M. Jacobs was skeptical at first. But after 35 years of interviewing hundreds of potential alien abductees, he’s convinced. And he says an alien invasion is escalating.

“They’re living here among us, just like everybody else.
It’s assimilation. It’s planetary acquisition. ”

— David M. Jacobs, author, "Walking Among Us"

“Almost every aspect of this phenomenon is astonishing,” David says. “It’s so amazingly bizarre and yet logical all the way through. It’s hard for anybody to imagine it ever happening. And yet we have millions of people who are saying the same thing.”

David was reluctant to believe in such an astounding claim as human-alien hybrids — but, as his latest book, Walking Among Us: The Alien Plan to Control Humanity, attests, he’s come around.

That book concluded his research on the subject, though a final book about abduction research methodology is in the works. Today, David can’t continue on with his research: The thought of alien hybrids living among us is a bit too much for him. 

“After learning that, I said, OK, I’ve done the best I can do,” he tells me. “I want to sit around and watch television for the rest of my life. I want to be happy.” –Wally

---

DISCOVER THE EVIDENCE for alien abductions in the first part of our interview with David M. Jacobs

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An alien-human hybrid uses telepathic mind control on an abductee. These drawings were all done by people Jacobs interviewed.

What do the aliens look like? 

Here’s the problem: When people remember things without help, they can often get them wrong. The physical descriptions are largely very consistent, but there are still a few outliers. 

Almost every abductee reports interacting with small gray aliens and tall gray aliens. Both typically have four fingers and are slender, with smooth, hairless skin and huge black oval eyes. 

The small grays are usually 3 or 4 feet tall and do a lot of the grunt work, you could call it — like orderlies at a hospital.

The taller grays are 5 or 6 feet tall. They’re more complex and act as sort of bosses. I guess you could say they do the managerial roles on the ship. They’re the ones that come in and do the procedures, like doctors. One common procedure abductees report is called a “staring procedure,” where a tall gray will put their head about an inch away from the abductee’s face and stare directly into their eyes. Abductees report that it feels as though the alien is rifling around in their brain — as though it’s opening up cabinets to figure out the stuff that you’ve been up to and figure out what your motivations are and so forth.

There’s another distinct kind of alien that people report: the insectoid or mantid. They kind of look like a praying mantis. They are much taller, with even larger, more triangular heads and very thin bodies. They’re not seen very often, but abductees say that they get the sense these guys are the leaders, the ones who are in control. 

Are there any physical signs that someone has been abducted by aliens? 

People don’t quite understand that there are many physical signs of abduction: Abductees frequently report waking up to find dimple indentations or fully formed geometric scars on their bodies, as though they were branded and then have healed. Sometimes people will report pulling out little rods of metal from their skin. We have many photos and evidence jars to prove it.  

What percentage of abductees have physical marks like these?

A hundred percent. Everyone has some sort. Sometimes they last for a very short time. And some people have shown me stuff that they’ve had for years.

Are there other physical signs?

Sometimes women will return from an abduction event and say that they feel pregnant. So they’ll run out and get a pregnancy test — and it comes back positive. And then they’ll say to themselves, “How could this be? I had my uterus removed 10 years ago,” or, “My doctors have assured me that I’m infertile,” or, “I haven’t been intimate with anyone in years.”

Like anyone would do, they’ll panic and call their doctor immediately. They’ll make an appointment for the end of the week. And yet, by the time of the appointment, the fetus has already been taken out, leaving them and their doctors stunned. They never start showing. The thing is, that from everything we know, this all makes total sense. They’re an incubator. 

It’s unbelievable. It’s crazy. And yet all these people are saying the same things, all described in the same way.  

Are the aliens violent? 

It’s clear that the aliens put abductees into a kind of a fugue state and order them around. They want abductees to remain sedate and compliant.

But every once in a while an abductee might somehow slip loose from this twilight state and gain some consciousness, running down the hallway, screaming, “Where am I? What’s happening?” Next thing you know, the aliens run after them and calm them down. There’s no violence that happens onboard a ship. There’s no physical coercion, no threats.

What’s one of the most surprising things about alien abductions?

Although some aspects of this research have filtered into pop culture, most people still don’t understand that abductions always follow hereditary lines. So, if you are an abductee, your children will be abductees, and at least one of your parents was one as well. To our knowledge, no one has ever been purposefully abducted whose parents were not abductees. And again, there’s a reason for this, too. 

Over the past 20 years or so, people stopped talking about having their sperm or eggs collected, and instead started telling stories of hybrid babies.

What was the first clue that alien abductions had taken a scary new direction?

After interviewing abductees for about 20 years, people started to tell me something that I had never heard before — and these stories became more and more common. They’d say that when they’re abducted they weren’t just being taken onboard a craft, but they would be taken to someplace else in their town or city to meet another person — all while still under control of the aliens. 

For example, a woman knows she’s been instructed to go to a certain corner and meet someone. So, under their telepathic influence, she heads over to the corner and waits. Sure enough, a man approaches. He looks just like a regular guy — but he isn’t. He takes her to a nearby apartment. Inside, she encounters several other normal-looking people, ostensibly living together. And then she notices that all of the apartment’s furniture is pushed off into a heap on one side of the living room. The man asks her, “How do we make this look normal?” Of course, these are all hybrids. 

The first thing she says to him is, “No, no, no, you can’t do that. The couch has to be over here, and then you put a little table in front of it, and then put a television over here,” and so on.

Then, a few days later, she’s with him and another hybrid in a supermarket and it's the same deal. “What is this?” “When do you eat it?” She’s teaching them what a loaf of bread is, what an egg is, how you eat them, etc. 

Abductees remember meeting hybrids living among us and teaching them the basics of their culture, from placing furniture to cooking.

Events like these weren’t just some strange reports — everyone I was working with, from new relationships to those I’d spent years with, were all reporting this.

The aliens were doing this for a reason. The whole thing, from sperm and egg collection to implanting fetuses and growing hybrids, was all about one thing: They’re living here among us, just like everybody else. It’s assimilation. It’s planetary acquisition. 

An alien holds a hybrid infant onboard a UFO, as recalled by an abductee. Those babies have now grown into adults, they say.

What can we do to address this threat? 

I just know something’s going to happen in the future. And that’s the key thing: If I get the word out, everybody will think I’m nuts — well, they already do. But if I don’t get the word out, none of it matters anyway. Based on where we are today, we can’t control it. We’re not sophisticated enough and we don’t have the kind of legitimacy and resources needed to actually find a way to solve the problem. The scientific community has no interest in it whatsoever. So how do you stop a global threat when no one believes it’s real, it’s global or that it’s a threat at all?  

One of the scariest things about hybrids (besides their powers of mind control) is that they look just like us.

So does that mean anyone could be a hybrid?

It’s important to know that while these human-alien hybrids look nearly identical to humans, they were not raised on Earth and they have certain abilities that we lack — specifically telepathy. So, though you have a being who is 90% or 99% human (whatever it may be), they will always be different. They know what you’re thinking. They can communicate telepathically with you, abductees and each other. And they can influence your thoughts and actions like a Jedi mind trick.

For example, one abductee met with her assigned hybrid while she was on the way to a sporting event. The hybrid wanted to join along, so she explained that he needed to root for a team if he wanted to fit in. So they went into a nearby store, and the hybrid walked out wearing a jersey. She stopped him, explaining that he had to pay it. He said that he had “spoken” with the store manager and was told he could just take the jersey. The lesson here is that whether or not the hybrid had intended it, he had been able to telepathically influence the store owner and walk away without paying. You don’t need money, or a job, or a social security number, if you can simply make every person you meet forget your face. 

Here’s another example of how hybrids work. There was this one situation where an abductee was onboard a UFO. She had been interacting with a group of teenage hybrids that she was told were about to come down to Earth. She noticed that one of the hybrids was talking quite boisterously and was informed, telepathically, by the hybrid in charge, that this individual was going to be culled from the herd — the point being that his behavior would have brought too much attention to himself and would jeopardize the secrecy of the program.

Some skeptics suggest that alien abductions might actually be sleep paralysis or some other psychological condition. What do you say to this?

This is a common debunking argument. Sleep paralysis is a real phenomenon, where your mind kind of wakes up before your body does. So you can feel like you’re trapped in bed, and it can feel like there’s a presence in the room. It can be very terrifying for people. 

But this kind of paralysis describes roughly 10 minutes of any given abduction event. It doesn’t describe working with hybrids, meeting them at Walmart, seeing the babies in jars onboard a ship or the strange scars that people have on their bodies. And don’t forget, the majority of abductions happen while people are awake.

Some say that abduction reports are just repressed trauma or sexual abuse trauma, and these people have mapped it onto this sci-fi narrative. But of course many of these people are not abuse victims of any kind. Many have seen or were referred to me by therapists and trained psychologists — after all, my colleague, the late John Mack, was chair of the psychology department at Harvard Medical School. 

And, like sleep paralysis, the repressed trauma argument can’t account for the litany of details, the accounts of missing time, or the fact that when I started this research no one knew anything about it. There wasn’t a book or sci-fi narrative anywhere they could’ve accidentally internalized.

Why do you think people have such a hard time believing in alien abductions?

Ghosts have been popular for thousands of years and fit, in some ways, into people’s religious and spiritual worldviews. Aliens, however, don’t. The phenomenon hasn’t had the benefit of centuries of folklore. And, of course, the aliens aren’t offering something as nice as talking with a dead relative. Everything about the subject is disturbing and fantastic. And there’s really no good incentive for someone to want to believe it — especially considering the social and professional stigma attached to it.

“How do you stop a global threat when no one believes it’s real, it’s global or that it’s a threat at all?”

— David M. Jacobs

Did you ever try to document the abductions?

For many years, I would give abductees home video cameras to see if they could get something on video. We knew this would be unlikely, and we didn’t get any aliens. But what did get is a ton of video of someone waking up at 4 in the morning, walking over to the camera and turning it off or walking into another room. And that was a little odd because they had set up the camera themselves, to capture an abduction. The next morning, they’d report having been abducted and race to the camera to find that they had inexplicably turned it off. 

Here’s the best one: This woman wanted to catch them. She was sleeping and then she woke up, got out of bed, walked over to the corner of the room and turned the camera off. Next thing you know, the video shows her asleep in bed — as though it had been edited. But it hadn’t been touched. And the question is: Who turned the camera on? If she had done it, we should have seen her walk back to the bed and get under the covers.

Alien hybrid children like to play, just like humans. Is your neighbor’s kid really part-alien?!

What other evidence do you have of alien abductions?

Years ago, my fellow researchers and I put together a nationally representative survey of the American population put out by the Roper Center at Cornell. It was a 10-question survey, and we had thousands of respondents. When we got the results, we were shocked. So we only looked at the people who answered yes to all 10 questions (when answering yes to even one might indicate you’re an abductee), just to be ultraconservative. It came down to 2% of the American population in 1992. 

If the U.S. population was 257 million back then, that would mean 5.1 million people were alien abductees!

And that’s with us being super conservative. And of course that’s just in the United States. This is a global phenomenon. And it also might be the most important thing that’s ever happened in the history of humankind.

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If you want to learn more, read David M. Jacobs’ books: 

• Secret Life: Firsthand, Documented Accounts of UFO Abductions

• The Threat: Revealing the Secret Alien Agenda

• Walking Among Us: The Alien Plan to Control Humanity

The Evidence Behind Alien Abductions and UFOs

Ufologist Dr. David M. Jacobs has worked with  hundreds of people around the world who say they’ve been abducted by aliens — and in case after case, the details are uncannily similar.

Dr. David M. Jacobs has interviewed hundreds of people from around the world who have memories of being abducted by aliens. (Spoiler alert: It’s not quite like Mexican pulp fiction novels depict it.)

Like Fox Mulder on The X-Files, I want to believe. 

The universe is infinite — though physicists now believe that it somehow has an edge and is still expanding. These concepts hurt my brain and offer no clarity. But if homo sapiens developed due to a series of just-right conditions, surely we can’t be the only planet that developed life in a nearly limitless universe. Heck, perhaps there’s not even just one universe and we should actually call it the multiverse. 

See, there I go again, hurting my brain. 

“Eggs are taken from women and sperm is taken from men. There’s an instrument that takes sperm away. We have very detailed drawings of this device from across decades around the world. It looks kind of like a flashlight connected to a hose that hooks up to the genitals.

This is all typical stuff. I’ve heard this a hundred times.”

— Dr. David M. Jacobs

Imagine how excited I got when Alex, one of my best buds at work, told me his father, a retired history professor from Temple University, is also a preeminent researcher of UFOs and alien abduction! 

I’m an open-minded guy, always willing to alter my worldview if you present a convincing enough argument. It was time to look at the evidence. 

Alex, with his dad, David Jacobs, one of the top alien abductee researchers. (And no, neither believes they’ve ever been abducted.)

Alex invited me over to interview his father, Dr. David M. Jacobs, on his back porch over beers amidst the lingering COVID-19 pandemic. 

After a fascinating couple of hours in conversation with two extremely intelligent men, I came away convinced there’s something to this phenomenon, as crazy as it seems at first. –Wally

A report of a mystery airship in The Chicago Times-Herald, back in April 1897

What’s the evidence for alien abductions? 

It’s massive. It’s mind boggling. And I have to say this a thousand times now: It’s global. It is not an American phenomenon. The first and most important thing is that people around the world, in China and all through Europe and India and Latin America, all say the same things, thinking nobody else has ever said them before. The second thing that’s very obvious is that abduction reports follow hereditary lines: So if you’re an abductee, your children will be and at least one of your parents will have been an abductee as well.

How did you get started researching UFOs and alien abductions?

I’ve been looking at this subject since about 1966 when I went to a UFO conference at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles.

The big event was a relatively close-up film of a UFO spinning in the air. It was astonishing! If you squinted your eyes hard enough, you could avoid seeing the string the model was hanging on. 

But for some reason or another, I stuck with it and began to read books about the subject. 

I went off to graduate school at the University of Wisconsin in Madison for a doctorate in history. There, I joined a UFO organization called the Aerial Phenomena Research Organization in Tucson, Arizona. When there were UFO reports, I would investigate them as part of this group. I eventually wrote my dissertation on the subject of unidentified flying objects in the United States.

I had to convince my advisor that this was a subject that wasn’t crazy, that the Air Force had been involved with it for decades already by that time. 

My dissertation was soon published by Indiana University Press in 1975 as The UFO Controversy in America.

Eventually I went on to teach at Temple University in Philadelphia, where I taught the only accredited university course on alien abductions for about 30 years. It was hugely popular — and extremely frightening for many students.

I’ve had students break down, start weeping, say they gotta get out of there. Many students had prior experiences with alien abductions but didn’t realize it until they started talking about the subject in the classroom. 

The 1958 photo of a possible UFO taken over Trinidade Island in the South Atlantic is thought by many to be a hoax.

When did abductions start taking place?

Our best guess is that the phenomenon began around 1896, when people across Europe and North America began to see strange craft in the sky — called the “Mystery Airship” wave at the time. One person mentioned in a newspaper article that he spotted an airship from a train and that it flew faster than he was moving. But at the time, no airships could fly that fast and controlled. The Wright Brothers didn’t launch their flyer until 1903. So these sightings were a big deal at the time.

Why are you so sure that was the beginning?

I don’t care how many people say, “Well, back in Ancient Egypt…” If it started in the 18th century, say, stories would be written about these odd things in the sky. But that didn’t happen until the 1890s. Skeptics like to say these reports are simply hoaxes, or UFO mania at the time—but, of course, these are the kinds of narrow arguments they’ve made about almost all facets of the abduction phenomenon.

Alex: In addition to the global sightings of mystery airships, stats might prove it also. Back in 1992, polling was done through my dad and the Roper Center at Cornell University to look at the potential prevalence of UFO abductees in the United States. Based on those numbers, if you work back, knowing what we do about how the phenomenon spreads, the origin date would be somewhere in the late 19th century. Because if abductions started at the time of the Ancient Egyptians, everyone would be an abductee by now.

Reports of aliens have been alarmingly similar for decades from all over the world. Most recently, abductees talk of alien-human hybrids.

What made you switch from studying UFO sightings to alien abductions? 

At first I wasn’t interested in the craziness of the abduction phenomenon. I couldn’t go there. 

I had a friend, Tracy Tormé, son of the famous singer, Mel Tormé. 

I met him in Central Park one afternoon, and Tracy said, “Let’s go see my friend, Budd Hopkins, a UFO and abduction researcher.” I told him I had better things to do, like stare into space or eat my dinner.

But he pushed me into a cab, and we rode downtown to Chelsea. When we were finally with Budd in his living room, he stood up and said, “Wait a minute. I’ll be right back.” He ran and brought back my first book for me to autograph. That’s when I knew he was a good person [laughs]. 

I began to come up to New York City to visit Budd and meet some of the abductees that he was working with. The evidence he had was just too strange and too disturbing for me to just totally dismiss. He let me sit in on the interview sessions he’d conduct with abductees. I sat in on dozens over four years. Then, in 1986, I started to conduct these hypnotic regression sessions myself.

When did you start doing your own sessions with abductees?

After 35 years, I’ve probably worked with over 200 abductees and conducted over 2,000 individual interviews — always free of charge and always confidential. 

One of the things that became clear after seeing Budd work with his abductees, is that someone’s initial memories can be really untrustworthy. That’s why Budd developed a technique called hypnotic regression with a psychologist.

To be clear, hypnosis is about 95% B.S. and another 5% B.S. It’s nothing but talking to somebody and saying, “I want you to relax.” People are always conscious and alert the whole time — it’s just some simple mindfulness exercises to get people focused.

You have to get the person relaxed and focused because they are about to remember something that they’ve never remembered. You have to be careful about how you question people, and how you find people too. 

Before anything else, when someone would come to me, I’d have people fill out a screener form and then, if I knew they were honest, I had them call me so I could assess things. I would usually tell them, “Don’t do it. You’ll ruin your life.”

What many people don’t understand is that the realization that you’re an abductee can be so incredibly traumatic and life-changing it can drive someone over the edge — especially if you’re young. That’s why I was extremely careful with who I interviewed. You had to be at least 21 years old and settled in life. 

Another thing I made sure to do was warn each abductee that your husband or wife may not like this at all. Even though you may want to investigate your experiences with aliens, your spouse or family might be completely terrified — so much so that things could result in divorce or terrible family tensions.

Some of them didn’t call me back. Some did. 

Given how unbelievable this phenomenon is, I preferred to work with well-educated people. Doctors, psychologists, psychotherapists — all of whom were telling me this stuff, saying the same things. 

These drawings were done by Dr. Jacobs’ interviewees. In this one, a woman recalled a procedure aboard a UFO where her eggs were extracted.

What are the sessions with alien abductees like? 

People know that indescribable things have happened to them. Here’s a common scenario: A guy goes to bed late at night, then wakes up. He’s standing in his backyard. “What the hell? What am I doing here?” The doors to his house are locked — the keys are in the lock on the inside. He finds a baseball bat and has to break open a window just to get back in, wondering, “How could this possibly happen?” Then he says to himself, mysteriously, “Well, I just won’t think about this anymore.” This is typical. 

These kinds of stories were what first got me interested in the abduction phenomenon. 

What’s a typical alien abduction like?

Adults are taken at night or in the daytime when nobody is around. If it’s at night, a person wakes up while their husband or wife is sleeping next to them. 

In our session, they’ll say to me, “There’s a light in the room.” 

I say, “You mean it’s a regular light? Where is it?”

They’d say, “The light is coming through the window.”

“OK. So what happens next?”

“Well, there’s some people around me.”

I say, “People around your bed, you mean?”

“Yes. One is next to me, and two are at the foot of my bed.” 

I say, “OK. And what are they doing?”

“Well, they’re looking at me.”

“What happens next?”

“I’m getting out of bed.”

“Wait a minute. Why are you getting out of bed?”

“I don’t know. I have to. They’re telling me to get out of bed.”

“What happens next?”

“They’re walking me to the light in the window. I’m out the window.”

I say, “Whoa, wait a minute. You opened the window first?”

“Yes, yes, yes, no, I don’t know.”

“One of the beings opened the window?”

“No, no, no, not at all.”

“Does the window open by itself in some way?”

“No,” they say. “I’m going right through the glass window.”

It would be easier for people to say, “Of course I opened the window.” But how many people ever said that? The answer is zero.

Alex: The point my dad’s making is that in hypnosis, some of the skeptics like to claim that he’s asking questions to try to script the narrative, when actually he spends most of his time trying to ask purposefully misleading ones.

David: Exactly. 

I say, “What happens next?

“I’m flying. I’m going up there.”

“Where are these beings?”

“One’s in front of me. We’re all going up.”

“Straight up?”

“No, no, it’s an angle, about 45 degrees.”

I say, “What do you see?” and one guy tells me, “I can see all the leaves and stuff in the gutters.”

Abductees have spotted missing toys or roof damage while being abducted and, of course, the next day or so after the event, they’ll go to their roof and, sure enough, it’s exactly as they saw it. 

An abductee recalls a small gray alien carrying a baby.

Do abductees get taken more than once?

This is not a phenomenon that happens to people by chance. It starts in early childhood and goes on over and over again all the way until…we don’t really know, but maybe until an abductee turns about 80. 

All they know is they wake up in the morning and they’re tired. Sometimes people are abducted overnight and the whole next day because nobody else is home. I’ve had people who were gone for three, seven, eight days. But nobody’s around looking for them. So here’s the question: How do the aliens know that this person can be unaccounted for for a week? I don’t know the answer to that. 

It’s the same thing if a person decides that they’re going to go deer hunting. They’re out in the woods, and then they’re abducted. But how do the aliens know what they’re doing? We are dealing here with extremely advanced not only technologies but physiologies as well.

Abductees have described incubatoriums where the small gray aliens are grown.

What are the spaceships and aliens like?

The abductees are taken on board a circular ship. They describe gray aliens, slender, big heads and eyes, four fingers. There are two kinds of grays, actually. One type is smaller, about 3 feet tall, and they do the menial tasks. The taller gray aliens seem to be their bosses, and perform more of the medical procedures. 

What is the probability of the gray aliens being from another planet? It’s low — because we know they grow them on board. I would never come up with anything like that. But a whole bunch of people have described incubators where grays are being grown. It’s so crazy, off the wall, who could imagine something like that, even if he had a great imagination?! But this is common, whether it’s someone born and raised in rural India or Brazil. It doesn’t matter. It’s all the same.

So the small gray aliens will lead the abductee down a curved hallway and into a room. Abductees always say the hallway is curved.

And then I say, “What happens next?”

They say, “I’m getting on a table.” 

I say, “The table has four legs?” Not a single person has ever said yes. The way the tables are described is they come right out of the floor. That’s a good example of one of the incredibly consistent details. Everything has this metallic sort of rounded surface. 

While they’re laying there, their clothes have already been taken off. Then they have a series of procedures done to them.

A male abductee has his sperm collected via a strange device, while an alien performs “the staring procedure,” in which they rifle through a person’s brain.

What are these procedures like?

Eggs are taken from women and sperm is taken from men. There’s an instrument that takes sperm away. It was not a sexual thing. We have very detailed drawings of this device from across decades around the world. It looks kind of like a flashlight connected to a hose that hooks up to the genitals.

This is all typical stuff. I’ve heard this a hundred times.

Are the aliens conducting other procedures on humans?

The reproductive procedures are really the first part. The point of them is for something much bigger: The aliens are creating other beings with this human DNA. And, obviously, they’re doing that for a reason.

What are the stakes?

There’s never been anything like this in human history. And if it’s not happening, it’s one of the most important brain malfunctions ever found.

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If you want to learn more, read David M. Jacobs’ books: 

• Secret Life: Firsthand, Documented Accounts of UFO Abductions

• The Threat: Revealing the Secret Alien Agenda

• Walking Among Us: The Alien Plan to Control Humanity

AND READ PART TWO of our interview with Dr. Jacobs:

Alien-Human Hybrids: A Plot to Conquer Earth?

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3 Times Alexander the Great Wasn’t So Great

The famed king of Macedon and military leader could be ruthless and cruel, especially when he dealt with Tyre, Gaza and Persepolis.

Alexander might have had a great body, but his actions weren’t always so great — especially when it came to conquering three major cities of antiquity

It’s all a matter of perspective. You can read through these stories about the man history has dubbed Alexander the Great and think, “What a dick.”

But you shouldn’t view ancient history solely through a modern lens. Even Dante was guilty of reducing the legendary conqueror to barbarian status: He placed Alexander in the seventh circle of Hell, boiling for eternity in the blood he shed.

As far as ancient history goes, though, Alexander’s brutality was typical: “He was a man of his own violent times, no better or worse in his actions than Caesar or Hannibal,” writes Philip Freeman in Alexander the Great. “He killed tens of thousands of civilians in his campaigns and spread terror in his wake, but so did every other general in the ancient world.”

“Armies in the ancient world firmly believed it was their natural right to pillage any city they encountered.

As for captive women, in the minds of the soldiers they were nothing more than the spoils of war and were to be treated as such.”

— Philip Freeman, “Alexander the Great”

Here are a few instances when the legendary conqueror was far from “Great” and acted with particular cruelty in amassing his empire.

The Phoenician city of Tyre was prosperous and well-protected

1. The Siege and Massacre of Tyre

As part of his world conquest, in 332 BCE, Alexander set his sights on Tyre, located on an island off the Lebanese coast. This was the most powerful of all the Phoenician cities and one of the richest trading centers in the Mediterranean. 

Attacking the city of Tyre was no easy feat, as it was situated half a mile off the coast and protected by strong currents and winds. Alexander decided to build a causeway, chopping down some of the famed cedars of the area and destroying the older parts of the city on the mainland to use as construction material. 

The long, arduous task took over half a year, interrupted by violent storms, a fire the Tyrians started by sending a flaming ship crashing into the causeway, and even a “sea monster” getting trapped upon it (most likely a whale). 

An aerial photo of Tyre taken by the French military in 1934 shows the land bridge that resulted from Alexander the Great’s causeway

At last, Alexander’s men completed the causeway. While a battle raged on land, the king boarded his lead ship and led a naval battle that struck simultaneously at all the seaward walls around the city. The Tyrians didn’t know where to focus their defense. When a battering ram on an armored ship opened a breach, the Macedonian army flooded into Tyre. It’s said that Alexander himself was the first to reach the top of the city walls. Then the carnage began.

Alexander assaulted Tyre from all directions on both land and sea

“The ferocity of the slaughter was staggering,” Freeman writes. “The Macedonians had spent seven long months laboring to take the stubborn town. They had seen many of their friends crushed by stones hurled from the walls or burned to death by fire bombs. They were angry, exhausted, and passionately hated the people of Tyre for putting them through hell. Alexander didn’t even try to hold them back as they killed every man, woman, and child they could lay their hands on.”

Corpses of men, women and children lined the streets of Tyre after Alexander and his army breached the walls of the city

Thousands died within the first few hours, and the rest were sold into slavery — aside from the lucky few who sought sanctuary in the temple of Hercules. And then there were the 2,000 men of fighting age who were taken to a mainland beach across from Tyre and crucified.

A painting of Gaza in 1839 by David Roberts

2. The Unmentionable Death of Gaza’s Eunuch Governor

En route to Egypt, also in 332 BCE, Alexander faced an obstacle: the hilltop fortress town of Gaza, ruled at the time by the Persians. Its marketplace held the riches of the Arabian caravan trade, including frankincense, gold and myrrh. 

A bas-relief from Alexander the Great’s sarcophagus depicting the battle of Gaza

Alexander was, in many ways, not only a daring army commander but also an engineering genius. When his men weren’t fighting or trekking halfway around the world, they were engaged in impressive construction projects. In Gaza, Alexander ordered them to build a ring around the city equal to its height. Using the siege towers from Tyre, the Macedonian army stormed the walls of Gaza but were driven back three times. On the fourth attempt, though, Alexander led a successful foray into the city, despite a wounded shoulder from a previous skirmish. 

All the men of Gaza were killed, and the women and children sold into slavery. The local governor, a eunuch named Batis, was brought before Alexander, who insisted he bow down before him. Batis refused, looking upon his conqueror in contempt.

The hero Achilles dragged his enemy Hector from his chariot — a gruesome act that inspired Alexander the Great’s humiliation of the governor of Gaza

“Then Alexander in his anger did something so horrific that most ancient historians omit the episode altogether,” Freeman writes. Inspired by Achilles’ shocking treatment of his enemy Hector in The Iliad, Alexander tied Batis to his chariot by his ankles and dragged his mutilated body through the surrounding rocky desert around Gaza long after he was dead.

The burning of Xerxes’ palace in Persepolis. Was it an act of drunken stupidity — or premeditated revenge?

3. The Needless Sacking of Persepolis

Unlike these previous battles, Alexander and his army marched right into Persepolis, the heart of the great Persian Empire, unopposed, in 330 BCE. It was a new city for the era, and a gorgeous one at that, filled with statues, impressive architecture and luxurious accommodations. 

Architectural and artistic wonders filled the city of Persepolis, though Alexander’s army viewed them only as the spoils of war

Alexander had spent too much time calling Persepolis the most hated city in Asia and claiming that the ultimate goal of his campaign was to destroy the Persian Empire (even though he would continue on after this, much to some of his men’s dismay). Having finally reached the city that had been demonized for so long, Alexander’s soldiers didn’t give even the remotest thought to preserving this pinnacle of culture; they wanted booty in all senses of the word. 

“Armies in the ancient world firmly believed it was their natural right to pillage any city they encountered,” Freeman writes. “After all, they put their lives on the line fighting for king and country. Glory was well and good for princes and nobles, but they longed for tangible treasure to spend while they were still young enough to enjoy it and gold to buy that farm they had always had their eye on back home. As for captive women, in the minds of the soldiers they were nothing more than the spoils of war and were to be treated as such.”

A drawing of Persepolis by the architect Charles Chipiez

Once he was situated in the palace complex, Alexander knew he couldn’t contain his men. He gave his army free reign to sack Persepolis — the first time he had done so to a city that had willingly surrendered.

What resulted was “an orgy of ferocious greed,” as Freeman calls it. The soldiers broke into homes, killing the men and raping the women and girls. They grabbed anything of value, hacking limbs off golden statues and sometimes even killing each other in the quarrels over fine purple cloth or silver jewelry. 

“The bravest among the citizens saw what was coming and set their own houses on fire with themselves and their families inside before the Macedonians could break down the door,” Freeman writes. “Others put on their finest clothing and threw their wives and children from the roofs to their deaths in the streets below, then followed themselves. 

After one day, “Persepolis was a smoking ruin filled with the dead, an indescribable scene of horror as naked widows and orphans were led away in the winter cold to the slave markets,” Freeman continues.

Some time later, in what the author calls “a fine Greek tradition to blame women for the foolish deeds of men,” Alexander burned down the great palace of Xerxes. A courtesan (which is just a nice way of saying “high-class whore”) named Thaïs had spoken so eloquently of destroying the palace, that a drunk Alexander grabbed the nearest torch and started the blaze himself — an act he almost immediately regretted. But it was too late. The palace was reduced to ash. 

The woman is always to blame. The courtesan Thaïs is said to have convinced Alexander to burn down Xerxes’ palace — which he instantly regretted

A different version of the story comes from Arrian, often the best source for information about Alexander the Great. The historian stated that the Macedonian king had always planned to burn down the palace in revenge for all the evils the Persian Empire had perpetrated upon the Greek world. Evidence supports this claim: Archeologists have found the remains of the palace but no treasures destroyed at the time — revealing that the fire was most likely premeditated and not started until all valuable objects had been removed.

“In the end, we simply cannot know whether or not the king deliberately burned down the palace of Xerxes,” according to Freeman. “But we can be sure that most of the ancient historians who wrote of the episode were deeply uncomfortable with Alexander’s actions and preferred to blame the events of that night on too much wine and the silken tongue of a woman.” –Wally

“He killed tens of thousands of civilians in his campaigns and spread terror in his wake, but so did every other general in the ancient world.”

— Philip Freeman, “Alexander the Great”

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LEARN MORE about the insane early life of Alexander the Great, from a gay gang rape to his mother burning a rival’s baby!

Click here

Alexander the Great: 8 WTF Facts About His Early Life

Young, bisexual, clever and brave: How this military genius was supposedly responsible for the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, solved the Gordian knot, succeeded King Philip II of Macedon and almost died in his first battle against the Persian Empire.

This young man accomplished so much in his short time on Earth

Only the chosen few historical figures merit an epithet. But no one should begrudge Alexander being called the Great. In fact, “Great” doesn’t seem to do this military genius justice. 

I recently cruised through Philip Freeman’s highly entertaining history book, Alexander the Great. It helps that this ancient conqueror’s life, which was all too short, was nonetheless packed with dramatic moments. That’s not to diminish the author’s talent, though. Alexander the Great is as close to a novel as any history book could be.

“Attalus proceeded to rape Pausanias, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise.

After they were done, he was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.”

Here are eight surprising stories I learned about Alexander the Great’s early life.

What woman could resist seduction by Zeus, this sexy beast — even in the form of a lightning bolt? Certainly not Alexander’s mom!

1. His mother claimed he was the son of Zeus.

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, an intense woman who wasn’t afraid to fight for what she wanted, told him that he was wasn’t actually the son of King Philip II of Macedonia. Instead, he was the offspring of the king of the gods, Zeus, who seduced her in the form of a lightning bolt. How shocking! This revelation surely spurred on her son’s hubris as he set off with the humble goal of conquering the world. 

Alexander, who was born in 356 BCE, had been brought up believing he had divine ancestors on both sides: His mother was said to have been a relative of Achilles, the son of Thetis the nereid, a minor goddess of the sea. And his father Philip could trace his lineage back to Herakles (better known to us by his Roman name, Hercules), a demigod who was also the son of Zeus.

The Building of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus by Hendrik van Cleve III. Do we have Alexander the Great to blame for its loss?

2. His birth became part of a legend about the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

Helping lend import to the birth of this astounding conqueror was a story that spread, claiming he was the cause of the complete annihilation of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus. The goddess, you see, was out of town, attending Alexander’s birth, distracted while her temple burned to the ground. 

“The Persian priests known as Magi who were resident in Ephesus reportedly ran madly about the ruins of the temple beating their faces and declaring that one who would bring calamity on Asia had been born that day,” Freeman says. “Other writers more soberly pointed out that the highly flammable temple had been burned down repeatedly in the past and on this occasion had been set ablaze by a mentally disturbed man.”

Never let the truth get in the way of some good propaganda.

Alexander the Great much preferred battles to the bedroom

3. Alexander didn’t like sex or sleeping.

I’ve always thought of Alexander the Great as a gay superhero of sorts, but he had sexual relations with both males and females. He had three sons from various women, though he did seem to prefer boys, even from an early age. In fact, his overbearing mother, Olympias, was worried about his lack of interest in the ladies and went so far as to hire the hottest prostitute around, a Thracian beauty named Callixeina, to seduce her son. It didn’t work. 

“It seems that the unrestrained passion and subsequent weariness of lovemaking deeply troubled the young man,” Freeman writes. “As Alexander would confess years later, sex and sleep more than anything else reminded him that he was mortal.”

This handsome gent is King Philip II, father of Alexander the Great. Hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned: One of his ex-lovers assassinated him

4. The assassin of his father, Philip II, partly blamed the king for his being gang-raped.

A noble page named Pausanias was quite the looker, and Philip took him as a lover. But once Pausanias was no longer an adolescent, Philip lost interest, the perv. Another royal courtier also named Pausanias (it must’ve been the Chris of Ancient Macedonia) became the king’s boy toy, and the first P was cast aside. L’il P, perhaps in part because his rival had spread rumors about him being a hermaphrodite slut, died in a battle against the Illyrians, trying to prove his manliness.

A general named Attalus was upset at the loss of one of his favorites and plotted revenge on the first Pausanias. He invited the young man to a feast, and instead of diluting the wine like usual, he plowed him with full-strength booze. Soon P had passed out on the couch. Attalus proceeded to rape him, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise. After they were done, P was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.

When he awoke the next day (sore, I’m sure), he found himself the laughing stock of the Macedonian court. As time went by, Pausanias decided to avenge himself. General Attalus had left to command troops in Asia, but King Philip was around. On the morning of the marriage of Philip’s daughter Cleopatra, Pausanias rushed the ruler and stabbed him in the chest, killing him. 

Pausanias’ conspirators betrayed him, the assassin was caught and killed, and his corpse was hung on a cross like a slave.

Sure, she looks sweet on this coin. But Alexander’s mother, Olympias, was anything but

5. Alexander’s mother was a baby-burning monster.

In the months after the king’s death, Olympias performed some horrific acts while Alexander was away. She forced Philip’s young widow, another Cleopatra, to watch as her infant daughter was roasted alive. Olympias then presented Cleopatra with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. 

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, oversees the crucifixion of Pausanias, who murdered the king. She also ordered the death of a child and forced her rival to commit suicide (looks like she chose the rope)

“Alexander was reportedly shocked by his mother’s behavior, but he did not punish her,” Freeman writes.

Alexander Consulting the Oracle of Apollo by Louis Jean François Lagrenée. When you fancy yourself conqueror of the world, you don’t care if the Oracle at Delphi says she’s busy

6. Oracles helped bolster Alexander’s claim to divinity and predicted his success.

I’ve always wished we still had oracles — something about these mysterious priestesses who act as vessels for the gods, answering queries in nebulous riddles, has always appealed to me.

Alexander, too, was fascinated by oracles, as were many people at the time. So when he got to the famous Oracle of Delphi and learned that the priestess was in religious seclusion, not to be disturbed, Alexander barged into her lodgings and dragged her to the shrine. When the woman shouted, “You are invincible!” it must have been music to his ears.

Later, once he reached Egypt, Alexander marched his troops on a grueling trek through the desert to the oasis of Siwa, where another oracle resided, this one to the chief deity of the Egyptian pantheon, Amun. 

The priest, who had a thick accent while speaking Greek, greeted Alexander with a slight slip of the tongue. Instead of saying, “O my child,” it came out “O child of the god.” That was all Alexander needed to hear to cement his divine parentage. 

A slip of the tongue by a priest — and you could fancy yourself a demigod, like Alexander the Great did

It might seem strange to us to think that someone could actually believe they were born of a god. But keep in mind that Alexander was in Egypt, a land where the pharaohs who ruled over it had long claimed divine parentage; it was a large part of what legitimized their claim to the throne.

Alexander ended the session with the oracle by asking if he was destined to be master of all the world. 

The oracle nodded. It must have been a welcome surprise, as oracles are known for their frustratingly cryptic responses, which could interpreted in contradictory ways. But there’s not much to doubt from a nod of assent. 

“Alexander’s mother presented her rival with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. ”

7. Alexander almost died in his first battle against the Persians.

Imagine how different things would have been if this mighty king had fallen so early in his campaign. During a melee packed with aristocrats at the Granicus River in 334 BCE, Alexander stabbed a man named Mithridates, the son-in-law of the Great King of Persia, right in the face, killing him. Distracted by this battle, Alexander didn’t notice another Persian nobleman, Rhoesaces, who struck a blow on his head so hard it broke his helmet in two. Alexander recovered enough to skewer Rhoesaces with his lance. As this was happening, the satrap, or provincial governor, raised his sword to kill Alexander. A veteran Macedonian soldier known as Black Cleitus rushed forward and cleanly sliced off the man’s arm at the shoulder, right as it hovered in its death blow above Alexander.

I told you: There’s no shortage of drama in this tale.

Sometimes it’s best to take the easy way out — if you can exploit a loophole like Alexander did when faced with a seemingly impossible task

8. Alexander had a controversial way of solving the challenge of the Gordian knot.

It was the stuff of legends: A knot attached to the yoke of a wagon at the temple of Zeus in the land of Phrygia was so complex, all those who tried to undo it failed. And plenty tried, for it was said that whoever could do so would rule all of Asia. 

That’s just the sort of challenge Alexander couldn’t resist. The knot was made of rough bark with no visible ends. Not wanting to lose face, Alexander took one look at the complex jumble, whipped out his sword and cut the knot in two.

That always felt a bit cheaty to me when I heard this tale — though you’ve got to respect the guy for so cleverly exploiting a loophole. –Wally