Why Did Christ Have to Be Born of the Virgin Mary?

Virgin births weren’t unusual in pagan times — just in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Here’s how sex got tangled up with the idea of sin, and by extension, chastity became the ultimate sign of virtue. 

Nativity, Birth of Jesus by Giotto, circa 1305

Early Christians needed their savior to have been born of a woman without sin, and that included the act of fornication. Greek myths could have influenced their theology.

Mary, the mother of Christ, is held up as one of a kind among humans for getting pregnant and giving birth without ever having sex. 

But believe it or not, so-called virgin births weren’t uncommon in the pagan world. Pythagorus, Plato and Alexander the Great were all said to have been born of virgins by the power of a holy spirit. 

Alexander the Great’s mom dreamed of a lightning bolt striking her vagina — and lo and behold! She became pregnant with the future king of Macedon. In antiquity, “virgin” births weren’t all that uncommon.

“Christians, aware of the antique pantheon, are still worried by the parallel between Christ’s story and the dozens of virgin births of classical mythology,” Maria Warner wrote in her 1976 work Alone of All Her Sex: The Myth and the Cult of the Virgin Mary.

So how exactly does one conceive without fornication? We can turn once again to paganism. In Greek mythology, the closest parallel seems to be when Zeus turned himself into a shower of gold and impregnated Danae, who gave birth to the hero Perseus.   

Danaë and the Golden Shower by Andrea Casali, circa 1750

The Greek myth of Zeus impregnating a woman in the form of a golden rain could have inspired the form the Holy Ghost took with the Virgin Mary.

The Greek god Zeus metamorphosed into a swan to couple with Leda. Did this bird imagery inspire the Holy Ghost’s representatoin as a dove?

Then again, the Holy Ghost is often depicted as a dove, and in another encounter, Zeus, that shapeshifting, lecherous cad, adopted the form a bird as well: He became a swan to seduce (or, perhaps, rape) Leda, mother of Helen of Troy, the twins Castor and Pollux, and another daughter, Clytemnestra.

The Annunciation by Fra Angelico, 1445

The shaft of light symbolizing the Holy Ghost isn’t too different from Danae’s shower of gold. Notice the contrast of the Virgin with Adam and Eve being expelled from the Garden of Eden to the left.

Connecting Sex With Sin

Of course in these cases, Zeus is copulating with the women. It’s an act of lust, and, at least for the god, one of pleasure. That’s in stark contrast to the Christian idea of Mary’s conception of Jesus: She remains a virgin, her maidenhead unbroken, and there’s no animal-like rutting. 

This was an essential part of the Christ story. The fathers of the Christian church connected sex with sin early on, taking their cue from Genesis and the Garden of Eden: Fornication becomes necessary for reproduction, and the pain of childbirth a curse that Eve, and all women to follow, must bear. 

Sex was seen as the ultimate sin. Saint Augustine wrote in City of God, in 426, that the passion aroused by lovemaking was sinful — though the holy act of propagation was not. In a similar vein, he added, “We ought not to condemn marriage because of the evil of lust, nor must we praise lust because of the good of marriage.”

“[I]n this battle between the flesh and the spirit, the female sex was firmly placed on the side of the flesh,” Warner wrote. “For as childbirth was woman’s special function, and its pangs the special penalty decreed by God after the Fall, and as the child she bore in her womb was stained by sin from the moment of its conception, the evils of sex were particularly identified with the female. Woman was womb and womb was evil.”

The Annunciation from the Grabower Altar in St. Peter’s in Hamburg, Germany, 1383

Saint Ephrem the Syrian wrote, “Perfectly God, he entered the womb through her ear.” The idea was that by conceiving via her ear, Mary remained a virgin.

The Virgin Mary: Not Your Typical (Sinful) Woman

Mary’s impregnation is, in contrast, a serene, holy act. It’s possibly tied to the very words of the Angel Gabriel when he announces her role in bringing forth the Savior. In ancient times, some people actually believed pregnancy could come about through the ear. (It gives a whole new meaning to Iggy Pop’s lyric “Of course I’ve had it in the ear before.”)

A sixth century hymn that’s still sung today goes:

The centuries marvel therefore 
that the angel bore the seed,
the virgin conceived through her ear, 
and believing in her heart, became fruitful.

The son of God chose to be born of a virgin, according to Augustine, because it was the only way to enter the world without sin. So, “Let us love chastity above all things,” he wrote, “for it was to show that this was pleasing to Him that Christ chose the modesty of a virgin womb.”

Painful births were one of God’s punishments for Eve eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. But Jesus’ mother couldn’t be connected with anything so sinful, so she was said to be a virgin, pure and intact.

Slandering the Virgin Mary

The early Christian church had to defend itself against rumors that painted Mary in a negative light. Jews and pagans in Alexandria, for example, were saying that Jesus wasn’t conceived by God — instead, he was the bastard child of an incestuous union of Mary and her brother. 

It doesn’t seem far-fetched nowadays to question a scientific impossibility — but at the dawn of Christianity, virgin births wouldn’t have been too big of a surprise. For early Christians, anything to do with female bodily functions was dirty and sinful. So they would have insisted their savior had to have come from an inviolate womb. And, despite evidence to the contrary, Mary became a virgin. –Wally

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8 Wild Facts About Saffron

Why are people mad about saffron? The fragile tendrils of the Crocus sativus flower yield the most expensive spice in the world. 

Three small strands that jut out of the crocus flower are what we use as the spice saffron.

The most precious and costly spice in our cupboard — and most likely yours — is saffron, which comes from Crocus sativus, the saffron crocus. Its name is derived from the Arabic za’faran, which has its roots in the word for yellow. Today, Iran is the world’s top producer, though the plant is also a cash crop of Spain, Greece, Morocco and the Kashmir region of India. 

Saffron might not be worth its weight in gold — but it’s the most expensive spice in the world.

1. It’s said that a pound of saffron is worth more than a pound of gold, but this turns out to be a myth. 

Despite this, saffron is still the most expensive and labor-intensive spice in the world. Fortunately, a little goes a long way. It only takes a pinch to infuse its aromatic, earthy flavor and brilliant color. Saffron is integral to far-ranging dishes, from Spanish paella to Indian biryani, from Persian pilau to the yeasted saffron buns of Cornwall, England. Its widespread usage was often introduced by conquerors: the Moors in Spain and the ancient Persians in India. 

The crocus is sterile and needs to be planted each year, and then harvested by hand.

Interestingly, saffron is a sterile plant that is difficult to reproduce without human intervention. New plants are grown by digging up and replanting the corm (the bulb-like part of the stem). Its high price makes sense: There’s no way to harvest the delicate crimson filaments of the Crocus sativus mechanically. The strands, known botanically as stigmas, must be carefully removed from the heart of the small violet blooms by hand, and there are only three per flower. To put this into perspective, approximately 350 tiny threads of saffron make up a single gram. So, it takes about 75,000 flowers for 1 pound of saffron: Its retail value is estimated at around $5,000 a pound. A pound of gold as of this writing is worth over $27,000.

Buddhist monks, like these in Cambodia, don’t waste saffron on dyeing their robes; they use other natural dyes, including tumeric.

2. The robes of Buddhist monks aren’t actually dyed with saffron.

When I think of my first trip to Southeast Asia, I can picture the vivid saffron-colored robes worn by the Buddhist monks of Cambodia. According to monastic discipline, the robes must be made from cloth that is naturally dyed using indigenous plants, barks or spices, though saffron is too expensive to be used widely. Instead, that distinctive yellowish-orange color most often comes from the knobby turmeric root.

Perhaps the association with saffron and the dye used for monks’ robes comes from a transliteration of the botanical name for turmeric, curcumin, which originates from the Arabic kurkum, meaning saffron. 

I can attest to the dyeing power of turmeric, from the intense amber stains it left on my hands and the chute of my juicer.

What exactly is Donovan’s “Mellow Yellow” about? Who’s this Saffron he’s mad about?

3. The song “Mellow Yellow” by Donovan was actually about a female sex toy.

The first time I recall hearing the word saffron was riding in a car with my dad while he was listening to an oldies station. The song was “Mellow Yellow,” written and recorded by the Scottish singer Donovan. It begins, “I’m just mad about Saffron. Saffron’s mad about me.” I wasn’t sure if it was saffron the spice or a woman with that name that made him mellow. But when the song was released in 1967, a rumor emerged that it was about smoking bananadine cigarettes, the scraped and dried white pith of a banana peel, which were believed to have hallucinogenic properties. The myth has since been debunked, as Wally can attest from a high school “experiment,” when he tried smoking dried banana peels, to no effect.

Donovan admitted that “Mellow Yellow” was about a vibrator.

Donovan later admitted in an interview in NME that the idea for the song came from an ad for a yellow vibrator that he saw in the back pages of a magazine. You can catch the reference in the lyrics “Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze.” 

Could this have been the sex toy that inspired the lyrics “electrical banana”?

As for the phrase “mellow yellow,” it first appeared a half-century earlier in James Joyce’s Ulysses in a description of the protagonist’s unfaithful wife Molly Bloom’s buttocks. 

Not surprisingly, the name Saffron gained popularity after the release of Donovan’s song. Quite rightly.

Cleopatra had undeniable sex appeal and claimed two Roman leaders as her lovers. Was it because of her saffron and mare’s milk baths?

4. Cleopatra and Alexander the Great used saffron as a health and beauty hack.

Cleopatra, the legendary seducer of not one but two powerful men of Ancient Rome, bathed in saffron-infused mare’s milk as an all-natural bronzer and aphrodisiac to enhance her allure. The lactic acid contained in milk is believed to gently exfoliate dead skin cells, while saffron gave her skin a healthy glow and acted as a perfume. In fact, saffron baths were a luxurious trend amongst the elite of Rome. And the Macedonian ruler Alexander the Great enjoyed soaking in saffron-colored water, convinced it would heal his battle wounds. 

An illuminated manuscript that depicts women shopping at a spice merchant’s stall

5. People in the Middle Ages were willing to die for saffron.

The marketplaces of Medieval Europe were filled with the exotic spices and spoils of returning crusaders. Saffron was so popular in 14th century Europe that the theft of a single ship en route to Basel, Switzerland, carrying 800 pounds of the spice led to the 14-week Saffron War that lasted until the shipment was returned. 

Perhaps these two were caught selling counterfeit saffron — and were burned at the stake!

Its purity was of such importance that the Safranschou code was enacted to deter fraud. Because of saffron’s high price tag, cheap substitutes were often passed off as authentic saffron. Merchants caught selling adulterated forms of the spice faced the possibility of imprisonment, public burning or being buried alive. 

Be careful getting too transfixed by dancing nymphs — you might end up being turned into a flower!

6. Saffron features prominently in a couple of Greek myths. 

In the most common version of the story, a handsome Arcadian youth named Krokos was passing through the Athenian woods, when he spied the nymph Smilax dancing with her friends. He was bewitched and began to visit the forest regularly to seek her out. For a time, Smilax allowed him to find her but couldn’t decide if she should let herself be courted by a mortal. The gods were not amused, though, and lost patience with the couple. They struck Krokos with their wrath, transforming him into a small purple flower that bears his name, the crocus. Its bright red stigmas glow with his fiery, unrequited love. Smilax was simultaneously turned into a thorny briar vine. Why such a choice? Because the vine would strangle the flower, the would-be lovers were prevented from ever meeting again.

The bisexual Greek god Hermes had a male lover who was killed by a discus — so he turned him into a crocus.

In an alternate version of the tale, the Greek trickster god Hermes was smitten with a young Spartan named Krokos, or Crocus. One day, while playing a game of discus, Hermes accidentally struck the young man on the head, killing him instantly. Distraught by what had happened, Hermes turned his lover into a purple flower, which became known as the crocus. And the three drops of blood upon his head became the red stigmata used for the spice saffron.  

The coat of arms for the town of Saffron Walden in England — note the three crocus flowers at the center

7. Saffron found its way to Britain from the Crusades.

Britain’s often damp and chilly weather seems far from the perfect climate for producing saffron, which thrives in arid terrain. However, it was grown commercially in the fields of Norfolk and Suffolk from the 15th to 18th centuries. It was most likely brought to England from the Holy Land during the Crusades, either by the Knights of St. John or, as popular lore goes, by a pilgrim who risked his life by concealing a saffron corm in the hollow of his walking staff. 

The spice was cultivated in large quantities in the village of Chipping Walden and brought prosperity to the small town — so much so that it changed its name to Saffron Walden. The lasting impact can be seen on the town’s official coat of arms: three crocus flowers surrounded by two castle towers and its walls, a heraldic pun — as in, “Saffron Walled-in.” 

A lot of saffron in Spain finds its way into paella.

8. Each country has its own standard for grading and classifying saffron, based upon aroma, color and flavor.

Not all saffron is created equal. There are different strengths or grades determined by how much of the yellow stamen is still attached to the stigma. In Spain, for example, there are four varieties: coupe, la mancha, río and sierra. Coupe is pure red stigmas only and has the highest amount of crocin, the property responsible for the distinct aroma of saffron. For Iranian traders, the highest grade is sargol, which means “top of the flower” in Farsi and consists of the strongest grade with only the tips of the dried red stigmas. –Duke

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3 Times Alexander the Great Wasn’t So Great

The famed king of Macedon and military leader could be ruthless and cruel, especially when he dealt with Tyre, Gaza and Persepolis.

Alexander might have had a great body, but his actions weren’t always so great — especially when it came to conquering three major cities of antiquity

It’s all a matter of perspective. You can read through these stories about the man history has dubbed Alexander the Great and think, “What a dick.”

But you shouldn’t view ancient history solely through a modern lens. Even Dante was guilty of reducing the legendary conqueror to barbarian status: He placed Alexander in the seventh circle of Hell, boiling for eternity in the blood he shed.

As far as ancient history goes, though, Alexander’s brutality was typical: “He was a man of his own violent times, no better or worse in his actions than Caesar or Hannibal,” writes Philip Freeman in Alexander the Great. “He killed tens of thousands of civilians in his campaigns and spread terror in his wake, but so did every other general in the ancient world.”

“Armies in the ancient world firmly believed it was their natural right to pillage any city they encountered.

As for captive women, in the minds of the soldiers they were nothing more than the spoils of war and were to be treated as such.”

— Philip Freeman, “Alexander the Great”

Here are a few instances when the legendary conqueror was far from “Great” and acted with particular cruelty in amassing his empire.

The Phoenician city of Tyre was prosperous and well-protected

1. The Siege and Massacre of Tyre

As part of his world conquest, in 332 BCE, Alexander set his sights on Tyre, located on an island off the Lebanese coast. This was the most powerful of all the Phoenician cities and one of the richest trading centers in the Mediterranean. 

Attacking the city of Tyre was no easy feat, as it was situated half a mile off the coast and protected by strong currents and winds. Alexander decided to build a causeway, chopping down some of the famed cedars of the area and destroying the older parts of the city on the mainland to use as construction material. 

The long, arduous task took over half a year, interrupted by violent storms, a fire the Tyrians started by sending a flaming ship crashing into the causeway, and even a “sea monster” getting trapped upon it (most likely a whale). 

An aerial photo of Tyre taken by the French military in 1934 shows the land bridge that resulted from Alexander the Great’s causeway

At last, Alexander’s men completed the causeway. While a battle raged on land, the king boarded his lead ship and led a naval battle that struck simultaneously at all the seaward walls around the city. The Tyrians didn’t know where to focus their defense. When a battering ram on an armored ship opened a breach, the Macedonian army flooded into Tyre. It’s said that Alexander himself was the first to reach the top of the city walls. Then the carnage began.

Alexander assaulted Tyre from all directions on both land and sea

“The ferocity of the slaughter was staggering,” Freeman writes. “The Macedonians had spent seven long months laboring to take the stubborn town. They had seen many of their friends crushed by stones hurled from the walls or burned to death by fire bombs. They were angry, exhausted, and passionately hated the people of Tyre for putting them through hell. Alexander didn’t even try to hold them back as they killed every man, woman, and child they could lay their hands on.”

Corpses of men, women and children lined the streets of Tyre after Alexander and his army breached the walls of the city

Thousands died within the first few hours, and the rest were sold into slavery — aside from the lucky few who sought sanctuary in the temple of Hercules. And then there were the 2,000 men of fighting age who were taken to a mainland beach across from Tyre and crucified.

A painting of Gaza in 1839 by David Roberts

2. The Unmentionable Death of Gaza’s Eunuch Governor

En route to Egypt, also in 332 BCE, Alexander faced an obstacle: the hilltop fortress town of Gaza, ruled at the time by the Persians. Its marketplace held the riches of the Arabian caravan trade, including frankincense, gold and myrrh. 

A bas-relief from Alexander the Great’s sarcophagus depicting the battle of Gaza

Alexander was, in many ways, not only a daring army commander but also an engineering genius. When his men weren’t fighting or trekking halfway around the world, they were engaged in impressive construction projects. In Gaza, Alexander ordered them to build a ring around the city equal to its height. Using the siege towers from Tyre, the Macedonian army stormed the walls of Gaza but were driven back three times. On the fourth attempt, though, Alexander led a successful foray into the city, despite a wounded shoulder from a previous skirmish. 

All the men of Gaza were killed, and the women and children sold into slavery. The local governor, a eunuch named Batis, was brought before Alexander, who insisted he bow down before him. Batis refused, looking upon his conqueror in contempt.

The hero Achilles dragged his enemy Hector from his chariot — a gruesome act that inspired Alexander the Great’s humiliation of the governor of Gaza

“Then Alexander in his anger did something so horrific that most ancient historians omit the episode altogether,” Freeman writes. Inspired by Achilles’ shocking treatment of his enemy Hector in The Iliad, Alexander tied Batis to his chariot by his ankles and dragged his mutilated body through the surrounding rocky desert around Gaza long after he was dead.

The burning of Xerxes’ palace in Persepolis. Was it an act of drunken stupidity — or premeditated revenge?

3. The Needless Sacking of Persepolis

Unlike these previous battles, Alexander and his army marched right into Persepolis, the heart of the great Persian Empire, unopposed, in 330 BCE. It was a new city for the era, and a gorgeous one at that, filled with statues, impressive architecture and luxurious accommodations. 

Architectural and artistic wonders filled the city of Persepolis, though Alexander’s army viewed them only as the spoils of war

Alexander had spent too much time calling Persepolis the most hated city in Asia and claiming that the ultimate goal of his campaign was to destroy the Persian Empire (even though he would continue on after this, much to some of his men’s dismay). Having finally reached the city that had been demonized for so long, Alexander’s soldiers didn’t give even the remotest thought to preserving this pinnacle of culture; they wanted booty in all senses of the word. 

“Armies in the ancient world firmly believed it was their natural right to pillage any city they encountered,” Freeman writes. “After all, they put their lives on the line fighting for king and country. Glory was well and good for princes and nobles, but they longed for tangible treasure to spend while they were still young enough to enjoy it and gold to buy that farm they had always had their eye on back home. As for captive women, in the minds of the soldiers they were nothing more than the spoils of war and were to be treated as such.”

A drawing of Persepolis by the architect Charles Chipiez

Once he was situated in the palace complex, Alexander knew he couldn’t contain his men. He gave his army free reign to sack Persepolis — the first time he had done so to a city that had willingly surrendered.

What resulted was “an orgy of ferocious greed,” as Freeman calls it. The soldiers broke into homes, killing the men and raping the women and girls. They grabbed anything of value, hacking limbs off golden statues and sometimes even killing each other in the quarrels over fine purple cloth or silver jewelry. 

“The bravest among the citizens saw what was coming and set their own houses on fire with themselves and their families inside before the Macedonians could break down the door,” Freeman writes. “Others put on their finest clothing and threw their wives and children from the roofs to their deaths in the streets below, then followed themselves. 

After one day, “Persepolis was a smoking ruin filled with the dead, an indescribable scene of horror as naked widows and orphans were led away in the winter cold to the slave markets,” Freeman continues.

Some time later, in what the author calls “a fine Greek tradition to blame women for the foolish deeds of men,” Alexander burned down the great palace of Xerxes. A courtesan (which is just a nice way of saying “high-class whore”) named Thaïs had spoken so eloquently of destroying the palace, that a drunk Alexander grabbed the nearest torch and started the blaze himself — an act he almost immediately regretted. But it was too late. The palace was reduced to ash. 

The woman is always to blame. The courtesan Thaïs is said to have convinced Alexander to burn down Xerxes’ palace — which he instantly regretted

A different version of the story comes from Arrian, often the best source for information about Alexander the Great. The historian stated that the Macedonian king had always planned to burn down the palace in revenge for all the evils the Persian Empire had perpetrated upon the Greek world. Evidence supports this claim: Archeologists have found the remains of the palace but no treasures destroyed at the time — revealing that the fire was most likely premeditated and not started until all valuable objects had been removed.

“In the end, we simply cannot know whether or not the king deliberately burned down the palace of Xerxes,” according to Freeman. “But we can be sure that most of the ancient historians who wrote of the episode were deeply uncomfortable with Alexander’s actions and preferred to blame the events of that night on too much wine and the silken tongue of a woman.” –Wally

“He killed tens of thousands of civilians in his campaigns and spread terror in his wake, but so did every other general in the ancient world.”

— Philip Freeman, “Alexander the Great”

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LEARN MORE about the insane early life of Alexander the Great, from a gay gang rape to his mother burning a rival’s baby!

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The Many Layers of Luxor Temple

The town of Luxor now surrounds this ancient complex built as a festival site by Amenhotep III and added on to by Hatshepsut, King Tut and Alexander the Great.

The modern city of Luxor has been built around the ancient temple complex

Americans never wanted a monarch like our friends across the pond, against whom we rebelled to set up a democracy. So we don’t know what it’s like to get caught up in a king’s or queen’s jubilee as the Brits do. 

It was a similar type of celebration that led to Luxor Temple. Amenhotep III, having been on the throne for 30 years, was due a Sed festival, an ancient rite to represent the rejuvenation of the pharaoh and renew his contract with the gods. Not every pharaoh made it three decades on the throne — at a time when that was pretty much the life expectancy — and Amenhotep was determined to celebrate his jubilee unlike any of his forebears. 

“Don’t miss the carvings of none other than Alexander the Great worshipping Amun-Min, whose massive hard-on points toward the legendary, bisexual conqueror.”

Luxor Temple was an important place of worship for 3,000 years!

He looked three miles south of Karnak Temple and directly across the Nile from his mortuary temple at a small shrine that acted as the “southern residence” of the composite god Amun-Ra. The town of Luxor, known as Thebes in ancient times, now surrounds the temple complex.

This colonnade was designed to resemble bundles of papyrus, an important plant for the Egyptians, used to make paper, sandals and other essentials

Amenhotep III had his architects design a vast open court with double rows of columns that resemble bundles of papyrus. The pharaoh was becoming more and more interested in solar worship, so he instructed that no roof cover this structure, allowing the sun’s rays to fill the space. With electrum walls and silver furnishings, you can only imagine how blinding the court would have been on a sunny day, filling worshippers with a sense of awe at the power of Amun-Ra.

Because they make noise at sunrise, as if in greeting, baboons were connected to sun worship for the Ancient Egyptians

Son of God

But Egyptologists say that the most important room in Luxor Temple is a small one at the back, behind the shrine where the solar barque, the god’s vessel, was kept, and next to an offering room. In this seemingly unobtrusive chamber, Amenhotep III rewrote his history (a favorite pastime of the pharaohs). He tells the tale of how his mother, Mutemwia, was visited in her bedchamber by what looked like her husband, Thutmose IV, but was actually the chief deity, Amun-Ra. 

The inscription at Luxor is a much more graphic recounting than the divine parentage story Hatshepsut inscribed in her mortuary temple. Amenhotep seems to delight in the details of his mother’s arousal:

She awoke because of the god’s scent and cried out with pleasure before his majesty. … She rejoiced at the sight of his beauty, and love of him suffused her body. …

“How great is your power!” … Your dew permeates all my limbs.” And then the majesty of this god did all that he desired with her.

Amenhotep-ruler-of-Thebes is the name of this child that I have placed in your womb. … He shall exercise potent kingship in this entire land. … He shall rule the Two Lands like Ra forever.

Speaking of graphic depictions, the Amun worshipped here was conflated with the fertility god Min and was depicted with an impressive erection. Don’t miss the carvings here that show none other than Alexander the Great worshipping this god, whose massive hard-on points toward the legendary, bisexual conqueror.

Alexander the Great, crowned as pharaoh, worships Amun in the form of Min, who has one arm, one leg and one giant erection

Luxor Temple became the primary stage for kingly rituals, including the Opet festival, when the Amun statue at Karnak would come for a visit.

An avenue of sphinxes once stretched for two miles, connecting Luxor to Karnak Temple

Various pharaohs put their stamp on Luxor, as seen in the Court of Ramesses

A Favorite of the Pharaohs

Over the course of 3,000 years, pharaohs added onto or rebuilt the temple. It’s interesting that Amenhotep III is known as the Sun King, and that his son, Amenhotep IV,  later chose the name of Akhenaten when he infamously shifted worship away from the pantheon led by Amun to a single deity, Aten, the sun itself. It seems the son took the father’s solar passion to an extreme. 

While Amenhotep laid the foundation for a colonnade in front of his sun court, it was completed by Akhenaten’s short-lived son, the famous Tutankhamun. Inside the massive hall, columns soar 60 feet into the air, and six striding colossi wowed visitors. 

Unlike so many other temples of Ancient Egypt, Luxor is open-aired, highlighting its connection to the sun

Ramesses II, who never shied away from an opportunity to proclaim his greatness, added on to Luxor, installing a forecourt, a pylon gateway and statues out front. To obtain the construction materials needed, he engaged in another preferred pastime of the pharaohs: razing and raiding the temples and pyramids of ages past. 

Ramesses shifted the axis of the temple to the east to align it with Karnak, to which it was connected by a sphinx-lined processional avenue.

You can see where the ancient stone wall ends and the new mosque built atop it starts

Religions Built Atop One Another 

Luxor, like most of the temples of Ancient Egypt was at some point buried in the shifting sands of the desert. But at no sight is this more clear than here, where you can literally see the different colors of the rock showing what was buried for millennia. 

Old meets new and Islam meets Ancient Egyptian at Luxor

You can also see how the complex was converted to various Christian churches in the 4th to 6th centuries, when Romans incorporated the entire complex into a castrum, or fortified military encampment. Icons of various holy figures can still be seen painted on one of the walls. 

In the late 3rd century, during the reign of Diocletian, this section of Luxor became a Roman legionary shrine. Part of the fresco can still be seen

With the rise of Islam, Muslims built a mosque atop one of the churches here. This striking place of worship sits perched atop one of Luxor’s surrounding walls and is still in use to this day. 

Venture to the back of Luxor Temple to see statues of King Tut and Queen Ankhesenpaaten

A Bizarre Ritual Out Back

While we wandered the open-air structures at the back of the temple, past two pairs of decaying statues, an Egyptian policeman approached us. The ubiquitous machine gun strapped across his chest that never failed to put me ill at ease was counteracted by his beaming smile. 

He signaled for us to follow him. A bit nervous but curious, Duke and I followed him into a nook in the far corner of the complex. The policeman gestured for our phone to take a picture. With Duke’s iPhone in hand, he began a series of strange choreography, intertwining our fingers of one hand and having us touch the ancient stone with the other. (I know you’re not supposed to touch the monuments, but when an armed guard tells you to do something, you obey. Sure enough, we weren’t the first to follow this bizarre ritual — the stone was worn, polished by the oils of countless hands.) He snapped a shot, then had us hold our hands toward each other in a prayer gesture, like we were about to play pattycake. Snap, another picture. And finally, he had us keep our hands in that position but place them against the wall in the same spot we had previously touched. 

An armed policeman ran Duke and Wally through a series of strange motions — though they have no idea what it all meant

It was all quite amusing, though we’re not sure what exactly was the desired outcome. Perhaps it was an ancient spell for fertility — and if that’s the case, what a waste doing it on a couple of gays. 

We offered the cop a tip, known as baksheesh in Arabic, which he gladly pocketed. 

Admission to Luxor Temple costs 140 Egyptian pounds, or less than $9 at the time of this writing. –Wally

 

Alexander the Great: 8 WTF Facts About His Early Life

Young, bisexual, clever and brave: How this military genius was supposedly responsible for the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, solved the Gordian knot, succeeded King Philip II of Macedon and almost died in his first battle against the Persian Empire.

This young man accomplished so much in his short time on Earth

Only the chosen few historical figures merit an epithet. But no one should begrudge Alexander being called the Great. In fact, “Great” doesn’t seem to do this military genius justice. 

I recently cruised through Philip Freeman’s highly entertaining history book, Alexander the Great. It helps that this ancient conqueror’s life, which was all too short, was nonetheless packed with dramatic moments. That’s not to diminish the author’s talent, though. Alexander the Great is as close to a novel as any history book could be.

“Attalus proceeded to rape Pausanias, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise.

After they were done, he was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.”

Here are eight surprising stories I learned about Alexander the Great’s early life.

What woman could resist seduction by Zeus, this sexy beast — even in the form of a lightning bolt? Certainly not Alexander’s mom!

1. His mother claimed he was the son of Zeus.

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, an intense woman who wasn’t afraid to fight for what she wanted, told him that he was wasn’t actually the son of King Philip II of Macedonia. Instead, he was the offspring of the king of the gods, Zeus, who seduced her in the form of a lightning bolt. How shocking! This revelation surely spurred on her son’s hubris as he set off with the humble goal of conquering the world. 

Alexander, who was born in 356 BCE, had been brought up believing he had divine ancestors on both sides: His mother was said to have been a relative of Achilles, the son of Thetis the nereid, a minor goddess of the sea. And his father Philip could trace his lineage back to Herakles (better known to us by his Roman name, Hercules), a demigod who was also the son of Zeus.

The Building of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus by Hendrik van Cleve III. Do we have Alexander the Great to blame for its loss?

2. His birth became part of a legend about the destruction of one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.

Helping lend import to the birth of this astounding conqueror was a story that spread, claiming he was the cause of the complete annihilation of the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus. The goddess, you see, was out of town, attending Alexander’s birth, distracted while her temple burned to the ground. 

“The Persian priests known as Magi who were resident in Ephesus reportedly ran madly about the ruins of the temple beating their faces and declaring that one who would bring calamity on Asia had been born that day,” Freeman says. “Other writers more soberly pointed out that the highly flammable temple had been burned down repeatedly in the past and on this occasion had been set ablaze by a mentally disturbed man.”

Never let the truth get in the way of some good propaganda.

Alexander the Great much preferred battles to the bedroom

3. Alexander didn’t like sex or sleeping.

I’ve always thought of Alexander the Great as a gay superhero of sorts, but he had sexual relations with both males and females. He had three sons from various women, though he did seem to prefer boys, even from an early age. In fact, his overbearing mother, Olympias, was worried about his lack of interest in the ladies and went so far as to hire the hottest prostitute around, a Thracian beauty named Callixeina, to seduce her son. It didn’t work. 

“It seems that the unrestrained passion and subsequent weariness of lovemaking deeply troubled the young man,” Freeman writes. “As Alexander would confess years later, sex and sleep more than anything else reminded him that he was mortal.”

This handsome gent is King Philip II, father of Alexander the Great. Hell hath no fury like a gay guy scorned: One of his ex-lovers assassinated him

4. The assassin of his father, Philip II, partly blamed the king for his being gang-raped.

A noble page named Pausanias was quite the looker, and Philip took him as a lover. But once Pausanias was no longer an adolescent, Philip lost interest, the perv. Another royal courtier also named Pausanias (it must’ve been the Chris of Ancient Macedonia) became the king’s boy toy, and the first P was cast aside. L’il P, perhaps in part because his rival had spread rumors about him being a hermaphrodite slut, died in a battle against the Illyrians, trying to prove his manliness.

A general named Attalus was upset at the loss of one of his favorites and plotted revenge on the first Pausanias. He invited the young man to a feast, and instead of diluting the wine like usual, he plowed him with full-strength booze. Soon P had passed out on the couch. Attalus proceeded to rape him, and then invited all of his guests to do likewise. After they were done, P was brought to the stables for the mule drivers, the lowliest of servants, to have their way with the unconscious young man as well.

When he awoke the next day (sore, I’m sure), he found himself the laughing stock of the Macedonian court. As time went by, Pausanias decided to avenge himself. General Attalus had left to command troops in Asia, but King Philip was around. On the morning of the marriage of Philip’s daughter Cleopatra, Pausanias rushed the ruler and stabbed him in the chest, killing him. 

Pausanias’ conspirators betrayed him, the assassin was caught and killed, and his corpse was hung on a cross like a slave.

Sure, she looks sweet on this coin. But Alexander’s mother, Olympias, was anything but

5. Alexander’s mother was a baby-burning monster.

In the months after the king’s death, Olympias performed some horrific acts while Alexander was away. She forced Philip’s young widow, another Cleopatra, to watch as her infant daughter was roasted alive. Olympias then presented Cleopatra with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. 

Alexander’s mother, Olympias, oversees the crucifixion of Pausanias, who murdered the king. She also ordered the death of a child and forced her rival to commit suicide (looks like she chose the rope)

“Alexander was reportedly shocked by his mother’s behavior, but he did not punish her,” Freeman writes.

Alexander Consulting the Oracle of Apollo by Louis Jean François Lagrenée. When you fancy yourself conqueror of the world, you don’t care if the Oracle at Delphi says she’s busy

6. Oracles helped bolster Alexander’s claim to divinity and predicted his success.

I’ve always wished we still had oracles — something about these mysterious priestesses who act as vessels for the gods, answering queries in nebulous riddles, has always appealed to me.

Alexander, too, was fascinated by oracles, as were many people at the time. So when he got to the famous Oracle of Delphi and learned that the priestess was in religious seclusion, not to be disturbed, Alexander barged into her lodgings and dragged her to the shrine. When the woman shouted, “You are invincible!” it must have been music to his ears.

Later, once he reached Egypt, Alexander marched his troops on a grueling trek through the desert to the oasis of Siwa, where another oracle resided, this one to the chief deity of the Egyptian pantheon, Amun. 

The priest, who had a thick accent while speaking Greek, greeted Alexander with a slight slip of the tongue. Instead of saying, “O my child,” it came out “O child of the god.” That was all Alexander needed to hear to cement his divine parentage. 

A slip of the tongue by a priest — and you could fancy yourself a demigod, like Alexander the Great did

It might seem strange to us to think that someone could actually believe they were born of a god. But keep in mind that Alexander was in Egypt, a land where the pharaohs who ruled over it had long claimed divine parentage; it was a large part of what legitimized their claim to the throne.

Alexander ended the session with the oracle by asking if he was destined to be master of all the world. 

The oracle nodded. It must have been a welcome surprise, as oracles are known for their frustratingly cryptic responses, which could interpreted in contradictory ways. But there’s not much to doubt from a nod of assent. 

“Alexander’s mother presented her rival with three “gifts”: a rope, a dagger and poison, letting her choose her means of suicide. ”

7. Alexander almost died in his first battle against the Persians.

Imagine how different things would have been if this mighty king had fallen so early in his campaign. During a melee packed with aristocrats at the Granicus River in 334 BCE, Alexander stabbed a man named Mithridates, the son-in-law of the Great King of Persia, right in the face, killing him. Distracted by this battle, Alexander didn’t notice another Persian nobleman, Rhoesaces, who struck a blow on his head so hard it broke his helmet in two. Alexander recovered enough to skewer Rhoesaces with his lance. As this was happening, the satrap, or provincial governor, raised his sword to kill Alexander. A veteran Macedonian soldier known as Black Cleitus rushed forward and cleanly sliced off the man’s arm at the shoulder, right as it hovered in its death blow above Alexander.

I told you: There’s no shortage of drama in this tale.

Sometimes it’s best to take the easy way out — if you can exploit a loophole like Alexander did when faced with a seemingly impossible task

8. Alexander had a controversial way of solving the challenge of the Gordian knot.

It was the stuff of legends: A knot attached to the yoke of a wagon at the temple of Zeus in the land of Phrygia was so complex, all those who tried to undo it failed. And plenty tried, for it was said that whoever could do so would rule all of Asia. 

That’s just the sort of challenge Alexander couldn’t resist. The knot was made of rough bark with no visible ends. Not wanting to lose face, Alexander took one look at the complex jumble, whipped out his sword and cut the knot in two.

That always felt a bit cheaty to me when I heard this tale — though you’ve got to respect the guy for so cleverly exploiting a loophole. –Wally